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  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    June 6th, 2007
    Posts
    106
    Talking Facts of Life
    If you don't laugh at any of these you need to check your pulse.....

    So here they are... the Facts of Life


    1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

    2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

    3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants? " She hit me.

    4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

    5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea. . . "

    6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

    7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

    8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

    9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

    10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shit head's..

    11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

    12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

    13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

    14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

    15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

    16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

    17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

    18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been! "

  2. #2
    Newbie Rolet's Avatar
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    October 13th, 2007
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    Kansas City, Mo
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    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    These are GREAT!!!!!!!!!!

  3. #3
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
    I decide when the pigs fly!
    Rhea's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    New York, USA
    Posts
    6,195
    Too funny and too true!

    My favorite is: "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

    That's my motto!

  4. #4
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    12,360
    Quote Originally Posted by datalinks

    1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

    7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

    13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
    These made me LOL
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  5. #5
    ABW Veteran Mr. Sal's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    6,795
    15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
    NO!

    Because if you lightup in a restaurant, anyone can see you , or the smoke .

    But, if you wet yourself in the swimming pool, no one will notice the salt on the chlorinated water.


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