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  1. #1
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    This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline which was transcribed from an audio recording that was monitoring the Customer Care Department. It contains a phone conversation between a Word Perfect employee and a customer. The help desk employee was fired, but is suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause." Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

    "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
    "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
    "What sort of trouble?"
    "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went
    away."
    "Went away?"
    "They disappeared."
    "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
    "Nothing."
    "Nothing?"
    "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
    "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
    "How do I tell?"
    "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
    "What's a sea-prompt?"
    "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
    "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
    "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
    "What's a monitor?"
    "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
    "I don't know."
    "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
    "Yes, I think so."
    "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
    ".......Yes, it is."
    "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

    "No."
    "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
    "....... Okay, here it is."
    "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
    "I can't reach."
    "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
    "No."
    "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
    "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark."
    "Dark?"
    "Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
    "Well, turn on the office light then."
    "I can't."
    "No? Why not?"
    "Because there's a power failure."
    "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

    "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
    "Good. Go get them. Unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store where you bought it."

    "Really? Is it that bad?"
    "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
    "What do I tell them?"
    "Tell them you're too fu*king stupid to own a computer."

    .

    "At first our dreams seem impossible, then they seem improbable, but when we
    summon the will, they become inevitable." - Christopher Reeve

  2. #2
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    #1 reason for returning a computer if truth be known....ROLMAO as I've been selling these things since the 70's.

    Mike & Charlie ...

    If they won't adopt and feed a bird ..flip them one! BBQ some Gator and remember to flush WhenU..

  3. #3
    ABW Ambassador JJJay's Avatar
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    That person should have been given a promotion

  4. #4
    Domain Addict / Formerly known as elbowcreek Thomas A. Rice's Avatar
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    I apologised to a help desk worker once for having to take up their time with what I felt was an ignorant question. The fellow said, "Oh, I've had worse!"

    Intrigued, I said, "Okay, what was the worse call you've ever taken?"

    And he said, "The coffee cup lady."

    He went on to tell me that the lady called in complaining that her coffee cup holder was broken.

    "Coffee cup holder?", he says.

    "Yeah, you know, you press the button for your coffe cup holder, and it pops out."

    I told him that that HAD to be an urban legend, but he swore up and down he had taken the call personally.

    So, who knows, the guy could have been pulling my leg, but he sure sounded sincere.

    - - - - - - - - -
    A page a day keeps the creditor away!

  5. #5
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    I have not worked on a help desk in a long time, thank god!

    But the stupidest thing I encountered was a customer at the end of the day, I was telling her to type the / and explaining that it was the slash under the question mark.

    After repeated asking her to type the slash and her not able to find it, she said "Oh, you mean on the keyboard!"

    So the next time you call for support and they treat you like a two year old, there's a reason.

    SJohnson@NO_Spam_ClickMagazine.Net
    www.ClickMagazine.Net

  6. #6
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    Most computer problems are caused by the interface between the keyboard and the chair...

    “There are only two settings, stun and kill...it would be best not to confuse them.”
    --Malcom Reed

  7. #7
    Affiliate Addict Robert484848's Avatar
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    Sandra that is to funny!!!
    Thanks for sharing

    "I did'nt get where I'm at today by worrying about how I'm going to feel tomorrow."

  8. #8
    Affiliate Marketing Consultant Linda - 5starAffiliatePrograms's Avatar
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    That was good! I used to HATE doing tech support too. I had a sales rep once, when I managed a computer store, that got so frustrated with a customer on the phone - he BIT the corner of his monitor. Actually left big teeth marks in it.

    Hey usefulwebs and Robert - enjoying your smoke together from opposite sides of the world??

    Linda Buquet :: 714.754.1280 :: AM Consultant :: Catalyst eMarketing.com
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  9. #9
    Affiliate Addict Robert484848's Avatar
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    Why yes cat, Thank you
    In case you didn't notice I am from a town called Grass Valley.

    "I did'nt get where I'm at today by worrying about how I'm going to feel tomorrow."

  10. #10
    Affiliate Marketing Consultant Linda - 5starAffiliatePrograms's Avatar
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    Robert,

    Went right over my head! Either I was going too fast and just saw the state or I'm getting too old.

    Smoke 'em if you got 'em

    Linda Buquet :: 714.754.1280 :: AM Consultant :: Catalyst eMarketing.com
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    </font>

  11. #11
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    SandraR ,

    It takes a lot to make me laugh ( people say I am TOO serious ) but I got to tell you , I haven't laugh this much in a LONG time. I am just sorry the laugh is at the expense of others.

    Toledo Swords - Collectible Heirloom Armory
    http://www.toledoswords.com

  12. #12
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cinst:
    SandraR ,

    It takes a lot to make me laugh ( people say I am TOO serious ) but I got to tell you , I haven't laugh this much in a LONG time. I am just sorry the laugh is at the expense of others.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    You laughed so hard cuase you must have a sick sense of humor like me!

    Glad to help with the laugh!

  13. #13
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    I'm STILL laughing !

    If I wasn't worried about being sued , I would post it to one of my sites. Share it with the world. I am empathetic to the frustrations of BOTH parties. But the comedy ( sic ) is soooo true.

    Toledo Swords - Collectible Heirloom Armory
    http://www.toledoswords.com

  14. #14
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    I quit my first computer job not long after they had me start to do a training job. It was an accounting package for an small oil company. The owners wife had previously done all the accounting by hand and he had conveniently forgot to tell her he was / had bought a mini computer and accounting software to start using...... I walk in with a system 36 (man that was a while back) set it up and she started asking questions...... Her husband informed her of what was going on and she started sobbing uncontrollably.

    She was about 60 herself and had never used a computer. I spent a day just going over basid data entry and using the keyboard. Then I told her about booting up the computer and walked her through some of the basic menu navigations of the software. She called the next day and said she could not get the computer to finish booting and the screen would never come up.....

    I questioned her and finally got out of her that is was the date prompt (I told you it was a long time ago) that was giving her problems. I told her to enter the date and she said she did and it still didn't work. I told here to try again and she said it didnt work again...... I said try it one more time and she said I'm not telling that darn computer it's friday one more time! ........

    That coming Tuesday I quit - LOL. And thats the truth!

    One other good one is with a guys wife I worked with in New Jersey on a UPS project with IBM. My co-worker had bought a new computer and was for several days telling me about how he was training his computer illiterate wife. One day he just started laughing like crazy and he came and got me and said his wife had reluctantly called him asking for support. She felt like an idiot and hated caling him but she had spend a hour or more really looking but could find the damn "any key" on the keyboard. True - I swear!

    ===================================
    Child labor laws exist yet, parasite partnering merchants (PP Merchants) and the COC allow an adult affiliates income to be diverted into the pockets of parasites and consider it normal business!

    Why give parasites unlimited cookie durations and credit for sales where they divert our users and overwrite our cookies. PP merchants and the COC directly supports what many consider unfair trade practices, identity theft and thievery!

  15. #15
    pph Expert! Gordon's Avatar
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    SandraR that was great I loved it

    elbowcreek I don't understand your story, why is it funny to only have one coffee cup holder? I have two and they come in quite useful especialy if I want to use one of them for playing a disc.

    I got my parasiteware t-shirt
    <font color=red size="1">All parasites are scumbags and should be treated as such....</font><font color=blue size="1">STAMP EM OUT!!!</font>
    Take care
    YouTrek.com

  16. #16
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    I have a friend that used to work the help desk at AOL.
    She would get questions like:
    "I'm having a problem with AOL.. Could the fact that we installed a new refrigerator today to the problem?"

    Big Daddy Smokes
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  17. #17
    ABW Ambassador CrazyGuy's Avatar
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    In a previous (but shudderingly recent) life, I sold IT to schools. Our best support story was the school office who faithfully made backup copies of all the software associated with the school network ...

    ... every week ...

    ... on the photocopier




    --------------
    Are you Crazy?

  18. #18
    Domain Addict / Formerly known as elbowcreek Thomas A. Rice's Avatar
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    This is kinda drifting, but was funny at the time.....

    My first career job, I worked in support for a large university. The individual responsible for creating the University's annual financial report - about eighty pages of spreadsheets - would never ever backup her data, despite me pointedly telling her she needed to protect herself.

    This was usually a two month project for her. So, one month in - and still without a backup - I waited until she left, and....added a few commands to her autoexec.

    The next morning, when she came in, she turned on her PC, the screen flashed up a vague message stating something to the effect of "system crash, all data lost", then I parked her hard drive, so no amount of pounding on her keyboard would generate any kind of a response.

    She *flew* down to my office screaming in panic.

    I calmed her down, and told her what I had done, and that her data was safe - this time.

    I think it finally dawned on her how screwed she would be if the drive went out. She has backed up religously ever since!

    - - - - - - - - -
    A page a day keeps the creditor away!

  19. #19
    ABW Ambassador Andy's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> "I'm having a problem with AOL.. Could the fact that we installed a new refrigerator today to the problem?" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And just think, that person is out driving a motor vehicle on our roads...

    ...unsupervised...

    ...with a license...

    ...they can go wherever they want to go...

    ...terrifying!

    Andy

    _______________
    <font color="red">Call the Exterminators! We've Got PARASITES!</font>

  20. #20
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    What's even more terrifying is these people can reproduce.

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