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  1. #1
    Devil's Reject Electropulse's Avatar
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    really funny...check out these emails...I was lmao

    first email:

    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>hi sales,
    i am marie christiana.Born on the 23 march 1965. i am an agent
    ordering products for boutiques in country to country.i was a citizen
    of
    us,miami. I am dealling with boutiques,company,and small store
    buissness,and
    i am now with 7 of then so they wanbt me to help thaem.For my first
    time i
    will want to be bthrough with them. i will like to placean order
    cause now i
    am in nigeria.Boutiqes here needsome itemsfromyour store so please
    may i
    order.cause it is our products they want. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    after I informed them that they would need a US money order, this is what I got:

    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>then u will first ship it here so that i do not know if it is loss or gain cause i will first sell them then ship your money to you over there<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    sure I would,

  2. #2
    Domain Addict / Formerly known as elbowcreek Thomas A. Rice's Avatar
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    Someone around here had a nice jpg that they used, a soldier drinking a cup of coffee, with the legend, "How about a nice cup of Shut The F*** Up!" that he replied to those with, lol. I always laugh, thinking about the receiver trying to understand the reply. I've used that a couple times myself.

    - - - - - - - - -
    I will FOCUS on my goal, and I shall NOT be denied.

  3. #3
    Full Member
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    Much better to send them an invite to
    "The 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference"
    http://www.j-walk.com/other/conf/

    Or if you want to make money from them then have a read of this.

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/51/31270.html


    Personally I think one should be altruistic and forward all these Nigerian money emails on to Mr Bush in the USA and Mr Brown(Tony Blair's moneyman) in the UK as they both are short of cash to balance their books, and could do the money on offer.

    Les

  4. #4
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    Oh Dear

    I've just noticed that the date for "The 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference" was before Xmas, but given the number of people involved I am sure there will be "The 4th Annual Nigerian EMail Conference" sometime later this year.

    Les

  5. #5
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
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    Some great reading on these pages:

    http://dir.yahoo.com/Computers_and_I.../Scam_Baiting/

    Michael Coley
    Amazing-Bargains.com

  6. #6
    ABW Ambassador
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by elbowcreek:
    Someone around here had a nice jpg that they used, a soldier drinking a cup of coffee, with the legend, "How about a nice cup of Shut The F*** Up!" that he replied to those with, lol. I always laugh, thinking about the receiver trying to understand the reply. I've used that a couple times myself.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>You're welcome.

    I have an alter-ego from another forum that I often use now. It stems from a conversation some kids were having at a comic book store about an older brother's car stereo.

    The kid was into MTG (Magic, The Gathering) and was talking about the 400w amp and two twelve inch subwoofers having enough power to blow out the windows. (There are no 12" subwoofers on the market that displace enough air to achieve this feat, no matter how small the car)

    MTG also stands for "Murda Town Gangstaz", a sect of either the Crips or Bloods, I don't care which.

    Well, confuse the two MTGs and you end up with the Murda Town Gangstaz, a group of thugs who's whole purpose is to blow your windows out. It's taken on a life of its own at a car stereo forum that I frequent.

    My new reply to the scammers (that get through my spam filter) is:

    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Doesn't matter what you drive,
    Your window's gonna drop when we arrive

    Signed,
    Murda Town Gangstaz<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    -----------------------------
    It's better to write something crappy that you can improve upon later than it is to write nothing. - Comedian Mike Myers

  7. #7
    Resident Genius and Staunch Capitalist Leader's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> then u will first ship it here so that i do not know if it is loss or gain cause i will first sell them then ship your money to you over there <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    And here I'd just give them a straight-faced response that "we do not ship on consignment..."

    ~Cheapskate merchants need not apply

  8. #8
    ABW Ambassador JJJay's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MichaelColey:
    Some great reading on these pages:

    http://dir.yahoo.com/Computers_and_I.../Scam_Baiting/

    Michael Coley
    http://www.amazing-bargains.com<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Great link, I love the stories here,

    http://www.419eater.com/html/letters.htm

  9. #9
    Devil's Reject Electropulse's Avatar
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    this is the latest email I got, please help me suggest a reply...this is way too funny.

    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>okay lets go out of products now i do not need products i am in a need of help from you i saw a boy at a bank of gutter i was very pitty of him.I ask him what happen that he is so like these so he said he was robbed all the way from lagos to ibadan and was beaten hardely to death.he was in a hospital now i want to give him treatment.so please i will like to ask him after the treatment what he will like to do he cn say he his looking for job so please do you need enployee so he can come to work for you. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

  10. #10
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ElectricPixel.com:
    this is the latest email I got, please help me suggest a reply...this is way too funny.

    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>okay lets go out of products now i do not need products i am in a need of help from you i saw a boy at a bank of gutter i was very pitty of him.I ask him what happen that he is so like these so he said he was robbed all the way from lagos to ibadan and was beaten hardely to death.he was in a hospital now i want to give him treatment.so please i will like to ask him after the treatment what he will like to do he cn say he his looking for job so please do you need enployee so he can come to work for you. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
    I can employ him in Colliephonia to do some research and things of this kind. He can answer phones and reply to emails and other things of this nature.

    (Best I can do in three seconds)

    -----------------------------
    It's better to write something crappy that you can improve upon later than it is to write nothing. - Comedian Mike Myers

  11. #11
    ABW Veteran Student Heyder's Avatar
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    I got an email requesting a quote for about $30k worth of medical products last night. I sent it on to the programs affilaite manager and gave him a call. I'll let them sort it out just in case it "happens" to be legit.

  12. #12
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Heyder:
    I got an email requesting a quote for about $30k worth of medical products last night. I sent it on to the programs affilaite manager and gave him a call. I'll let them sort it out just in case it "happens" to be legit.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I get several of those every day. Almost always from a "businessman" somewhere else, shipping to their office in Nigeria.

    Michael Coley
    Amazing-Bargains.com

  13. #13
    ABW Ambassador Andy's Avatar
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    I've had messages that requested I send merchandise to them first, and they would gladly repay me with a money order on arrival.

    I responded that those terms were acceptable, but my site is membership based, and before anything could be shipped to them, they would need to pay the annual membership fee of $7,500 by money order.

    I never heard back from them...

    Andy

    _______________
    <font color="red">Call the Exterminators! We've Got PARASITES!</font>

  14. #14
    Domain Addict / Formerly known as elbowcreek Thomas A. Rice's Avatar
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    - - - - - -
    I responded that those terms were acceptable, but my site is membership based, and before anything could be shipped to them, they would need to pay the annual membership fee of $7,500 by money order.
    - - - - - -

    LOL, that's a good one, Andy.

    - - - - - - - - -
    I will FOCUS on my goal, and I shall NOT be denied.

  15. #15
    ABW Ambassador erninator's Avatar
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    I've sent replies that explained that the merchants featured on my site accept online orders. That's why it's called "Online Shopping Mall". I included an affiliate link on each reply. I got two sales out of about a hundred of these. Both sales went through and were the two highest commissions I've earned in three years.

    Ernie

    It may be that my sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

  16. #16
    Affiliate Manager Vanns.com's Avatar
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    Electric Pixel - here's your answer:

    -------------------------------------------
    I'm sorry to hear about the boy you saw but I've decided to give all my money to Little Billy Evans that recently sent me this email:

    My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad
    is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe.

    The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of
    us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money.

    Mommy is writing and sending this from the kiosk at the mall, with the free internet access and all the commercials, because we can't afford a home computer. She tried using the one at the library, but was crying too
    loud and we were asked to leave. (People PC turned us down on their free computer offer, but that's another story...) and she had to wait in line for an hour and a half for someone to free up a terminal for her to use. I think
    the people ahead of her finally left because of her crying, or maybe the smell of my burlap and leaves, which gets pretty intense this time of year.

    Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said,"Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag.** Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.

    I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too. Dr.
    Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take
    them up into space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base.

    Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.

    If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless bastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy
    with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow, horrible death and then burn forever in hell.

    What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five G-D minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy? Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard.

    I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.

    Thank You, Billy "Smiles" Evans

    P.S. You can send money to the person who sent you this because that person is very trustworthy.

    -------------------------------
    Courtesy of an unknown author....

    Matt Ranta
    Vanns.com
    netProfits Affiliate Program
    Manager
    netprofits@vanns.net

  17. #17
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    Ya gotta love sick tumor...oops Humor

    Mike & Charlie ...

    "Payment is one option that isn't negotiable. Merchants require it for purchases ...SO DO WE."

  18. #18
    Devil's Reject Electropulse's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad
    is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe.

    The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of
    us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    lol, my ribs hurt

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