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  1. #1
    Full Member snappy's Avatar
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    February 21st, 2009
    Palm Bay Florida/Portland, Oregon
    Toddler Nightmares Parents Please help!!
    Ok so I have a toddler, she is 3, she is a absolutely fantastic child, she has a wonderful public face but when she is home oh my!!! she hits, she PUNCHES, she bites, kicks, spits in face and these are things that We have NEVER exposed her too, I put her in time out and when she gets out its either she hits me or spits on me, does ANYone here know how to make it stop? I do know that discipline is key and so is consistancy but i am consistently getting nowhere with this?
    I just don't understand how she could be so angry? help
    I attract success and abundance into my life because that is who I am.

  2. #2
    ABW Ambassador Doug247's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
    DE USA
    LOL My youngest (6 going on 19) is also 'strong willed'. I have noticed when she goes off I can calm her down by kneeling down and talking in a calm tone at her level. I ask her what's wrong.... and basically for the first minute or two nodding and saying I know what you mean. Then she gets calmed down a bit and I can explain to her why she needs to do this or that.... The key for me catching it early before I get annoyed or ticked off.

  3. #3
    ABW Ambassador JoyUnltd's Avatar
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    January 19th, 2005
    Emerald City
    Nanny 911 has a series of 19 challenges to help structure your child's behavior (and yours):

    They also have a message board where you can post your problem and get advice:
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  4. #4
    ABW Ambassador ladidah's Avatar
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    October 14th, 2007
    If she is 3, can she talk and verbalize to let you know what is bothering her?

    If she doesn't, she would have to do process of elimination to see what is wrong. I would also ask your pediatrician. They are not there just for the physical care, also for the mental and emotional care.

    Start off by the basics, looking at basic things that may bother to the more complex. I would keep a journal of when, time of day, where the tantrums occur. Are they more often during a certain time of day, event, etc. ?

    Some things you may look at:

    * food issues (allergies, is she hungry?)
    * physical ( clothing bothering them, diaper change, sensitive to scratchy material, etc.)
    * naps - some kids may need a nap and although some parents say their kids don't nap, I had a nanny when I used to work a day J.O.B. who could anyone down for a nap and make them sleep like a baby who came into her care. She just had the magic touch and kids were much happier after they did.
    * boredom (keeping the stimulated, entertained, etc.)
    * frustration ( not being able to talk to verbalize problem, frustration with trying solve a problem e.g. toy )
    * noise or sound
    * smell - some kids are sensitive
    * does she go to anyone else for care and does she see other kids behaving this way?
    * transition - some kids need time to transition from one activity to the other. Maybe after being out for the day she has a tough time settling down and coming back inside, and knowing how to transition from a fun day of outing, back to the inside.
    * discipline - if she misbehaves, do you allow it?
    * negative behavior - some kids when they don't get enough attention resort to negative behavior, just so they can get some of the attention they need. Don't give in to this. Don't reward the negative, but notice the positive and praise her for good behavior.

    Follow through with your time outs and don't let her have her way. I had the toughest time with my oldest son for time outs and I had to be very disciplined and tough with him. The book "1-2-3 Magic" did wonders and helped but still was tough. To this day, now he is 13 and my daughter is 11, if they are doing something inappropriate, the "1-2-3" still works and get them to stop their misbehavior just by those 3 little numbers.

  5. #5
    Affiliate Manager
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    May 14th, 2009
    I have a 7 yo and the 1-2-3 works well with her also. She has started to ask what happens when I get to 3. The "what happens on 3" usually changes. It depends on what is important to her at the moment. We went through a spell that watching Sponge Bob on TV was important. So if I got to 3 she did not get to watch SB.

    Stay calm and keep telling her to use her words. She might we having trouble expressing herself.

    I also agree with calling the Dr.

    Best of luck.

  6. #6
    ABW Ambassador bettylou's Avatar
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    December 27th, 2005
    If she is fine out in public, she obviously can control it so I would have to say it could very likely be an attention getter.

    My son went through a phase at that same age and he would say and do things that he never learned from us or from TV. It really scared me and I would, of course, try to talk to him, reason with him and then go next to discipline tactics. None of which really did the trick. Then I let him do his little ranting and raving without trying to stop him. It didn't get him the attention that he wanted from negative behavior so he did eventually chill out.

    I would, however, listen to what ladidah said about hunger and frustration. Are there other children? Is she fighting to get attention that she feels someone else is getting?

  7. #7
    Full Member snappy's Avatar
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    February 21st, 2009
    Palm Bay Florida/Portland, Oregon
    She is my only child and I think I know whats going on we just did a cross country move, we moved from a big 3 bedroom house with a big back yard to a 2 bedroom apartment and maybe she is frustrated at the situation in which she feels unsecure.
    She also lost her dog which was her friend and we had to give our cat away to my aunt in Medford. I didn't even think about that, I would be angry too.
    I attract success and abundance into my life because that is who I am.

  8. #8
    Advocate mellie's Avatar
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    January 17th, 2005
    Kids that age sometimes act up in this manner in order to be in control. Maybe give her positive ways to exert her control and believe it or not maybe responsibilty. Can she plan lunch? And at 3 she can even help prepare lunch, a snack or make salad for dinner. Let her be responsible for choosing activities. Give her ways to be in control. Let her choose her outfits. Ask her which shirt you should wear...

    Also at that age when they may not be napping they still need quiet time. We always used to lay down for an hour or so just reading.

    Can you get her a couple goldfish or a hamster for a pet? Doesn't replace a dog or cat but it's something she can care for.

    And like others have said, run it by her doctor to make sure there are not underlying issues.
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  9. #9
    ABW Ambassador SunshineTricia's Avatar
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    May 7th, 2006
    We had some issues when my girls were younger, too, and my pediatrician suggested the 1-2-3. It doesn't solve EVERY problem, but most of them. Even now at 6 and 8, they know that if I get to "3" and something hasn't changed, someone is going to be in BIG trouble. The only time it doesn't help is when they are in full-fledged meltdown.
    --Tricia Meyer-- I love being the exception to the rule.

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  10. #10
    Full Member snappy's Avatar
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    February 21st, 2009
    Palm Bay Florida/Portland, Oregon
    I will look for 1-2-3 also. Thanks!
    I will discuss her behavior with her pediatrician I never thought of that before this thread.
    I attract success and abundance into my life because that is who I am.

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