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  1. #1
    Member Cav's Avatar
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    Angry Does your spouse ever do this?
    I've been an active affiliate marketer for a little over a year now. As most of you know if you want to be successful you have to work at it, HARD. Which in turn means spending hours upon hours on my computer. I get the dishes done, feed the kids, among other responsibilities.

    And about every once in awhile I here "your on the computer too much" from my wife. I explain what I am doing and what I have to do. I was recently laid off from my job at a factory, so I am using the free time to finally get this thing rolling.

    But it seems no matter how much I explain that I want this to be my career , she looks at me like I play World of WarCraft all day,which I have never played.

  2. #2
    Affiliate Manager guinness618's Avatar
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    If I may?
    She isn't complaining (really) about the amount of time you spend on the computer, rather the amount of time you AREN'T spending with her.
    Us women can sometimes skirt around the real issue.
    When you worked at the factory, you came home and were with your family. She doesn't realize it's the same thing, and it's harder because you are at home rather than away.
    Dyan Carlson
    ["My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness."- The Dalai Lama

  3. #3
    notary sojac Herb ԿԬ's Avatar
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    I'd say show her the check(s) as they come in. But she should allow you the same time that you were out of the house when you were working for someone.

    I assume she brings in some income?

  4. #4
    Member Cav's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by guinness618
    When you worked at the factory, you came home and were with your family. She doesn't realize it's the same thing, and it's harder because you are at home rather than away.

    I explained that to her she doesn't accept it as the same thing, that's why I get so frustrated. I love her with all my heart, but she can be very bull headed lol.

  5. #5
    Member Cav's Avatar
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    I assume she brings in some income?

    Yes she does.

  6. #6
    Member Cav's Avatar
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    That's the other issue I haven't gotten any checks yet , I have made some sales here and there, my first affiliate check should be here by September,
    but for the past year I have been learning programing and not really marketing my site until the last month. I know when she sees those checks she'll come around , I'm just venting I guess. It just really bothers me that she thinks it's not important enough to treat it like a job outside the home.

  7. #7
    ABW Ambassador kse's Avatar
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    That funny I use to hear that alot 4-5 years ago when I started at this but I have learned how to spend my time more wisely so I spend less time at the computer. She also discovered Facebook which she loves and I hate so now I telling her see spend to much time at the computer

    I not sure if you do this on the side or full time but pick times when you can spend on the computer. I pick early in the morning on the week-end to do alot of my work as well as when she works nights. (And I read my mail & visit ABW whevere I can snick away for 5 min)

    Also she stopped complaining when she discoved I make $$ when I on the computer and it has paid for: The Pool, Her Car, 3 Trips to Disney, 2 Trips to NYC, 1 Trip to Toronto etc.........

  8. #8
    Affiliate Manager EricTyler's Avatar
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    You may also want to consider looking in to renting a very small office where you can go to do your work. This may make the idea of you being at work a more 'normal' thing.

    Yes, I realize spending money on an office when you are working for yourself is counterproductive, but, if it solves issues with the wife, everybody wins in the end.
    Eric Tyler
    Eric [at] FinancialNetworkPro [dot] com
    [URL=http://financialnetworkpro.com]http://financialnetworkpro.com[/URL]

  9. #9
    Member Cav's Avatar
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    Yeah I feel like I am almost there, at the point where I'll start making money I just need to keep plugging away at it until I get it right.

  10. #10
    Member Cav's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EricTyler
    You may also want to consider looking in to renting a very small office where you can go to do your work. This may make the idea of you being at work a more 'normal' thing.

    Yes, I realize spending money on an office when you are working for yourself is counterproductive, but, if it solves issues with the wife, everybody wins in the end.

    Yes I agree, as the saying goes "Happy wife happy life".

  11. #11
    ABW Founder Haiko de Poel, Jr.'s Avatar
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    Here's the fix:

    1. Make sure you spend quality time with the Wife and familly - turn the compy off.
    2. Let her have some time on the compy (You rest your eyes, get exercise and think of new ideas)
    3. Start getting checks - show her, even better treat her to something special.
    4. Repeat steps 1&2
    5. Get more checks
    6. Buy her her own compy?
    7. Repeat Steps 1&2
    8. build your affiliate career
    9. Repeat Steps 1&2
    Continued Success,

    Haiko
    The secret of success is constancy of purpose ~ Disraeli

  12. #12
    Member Cav's Avatar
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    thanks for the advice Haiko, appreciate it.

  13. #13
    Analytics Dude Kevin's Avatar
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    I hate to play devil's advocate, but I used to be in the EXACT same situation you are now. A year or so ago. And we had the uncertaintity of the Amazon Tax here, so it was doubly difficult.

    So...

    You need to acknowledge her concerns. Guinness is right, and I'd add in the ADDITIONAL consideration that since you have no checks to show yet, you're really selling her a promise and not yet a reality.

    Very few will be comfortable with that under these economic conditions.

    In the end, I took a full time job to ensure we would make ends meet. I'm not saying you should do the same, but I know my wife gave me the summer to see if we could swing it, which I thought was more than fair, given how much experience I had (although I was starting from scratch again.)

    So, to close up this long winded dissertation, please remember you are asking her to have a lot of faith. That's not easy for everyone to do.
    Kevin Webster
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    Kayak Fishing
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  14. #14
    ABW Ambassador MeeMaw's Avatar
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    Not just the spouse but the entire family. Even though I make as much money as some of them make in a year... and I make it in a month. BUT... I SHOULD get a "normal" job.

  15. #15
    ABW Ambassador ladidah's Avatar
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    You got a lot of good ideas here already from others.

    My husband says the same to me and when I started out I was doing this a lot of computer time, researching, learning, etc. I still do, but they got used to it.

    What will help is to communicate. Talk about your long term goals, short them goals, immediate plans, what you are doing, etc. Little steps you do, keep her involved as far as your progress and goals.

    Maybe write down the goals for each day on a huge white board in the morning in your designated office. The goals are for you to keep on track but also when she comes home and she sees them check marked, perhaps she'll feel less likely to be upset because she sees the direction and steps that you are taking to get to your ultimate goal. This way you can also get feedback from her and she may also have some great ideas to contribute. This way you two are working as a team together towards a goal and the incremental checks you will get (yes you will) can be celebrated by both of you.

  16. #16
    ABW Ambassador Jason Rubacky's Avatar
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    duct tape works well...

    Jason Rubacky - CEO/SEO Nerd at PassTheSEO
    jason at passtheseo dot com
    @jasonrubacky

  17. #17
    Member KIMarketing's Avatar
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    My spouse never complains - wait, I don't have a spouse anymore! I am better off emotionally and financially without him. But am still accepting applications for Mr. Right that will put up with me.

  18. #18
    Affiliate Manager
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    I get the same thing. When you work at home, you don't have a real job. I am constantly being interrupted with "what are you doing?"

    Over the years, I have just learned to blow off everything.

  19. #19
    Domain Addict / Formerly known as elbowcreek Thomas A. Rice's Avatar
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    Yeah, my wife was venting about not spending enough time with her several years ago when I had been about a year into AM. One day she got the mail and opened a letter to me: one of my monthly checks from a merchant for $1,100. At that point, she became my motivator to work harder, lol.

    As soon as you show a decent profit, she will become your biggest fan: she will become very proud of you building a business on your own.


    P.S. - Jason Rubacky, that is a great poster!!!
    Following everyone else is a GREAT way to become average.

  20. #20
    Affiliate Manager
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    One thing I've found helpful: make a weekly commitment to a Date Night, and keep it. Go to dinner and a movie, take a salsa lesson, do whatever the two of you enjoy, just make sure to set aside time for that each week and don't let other things get in the way of it.

    We use Friday nights for this, which works well because there's nothing in the work that can't be done on Saturday and after a long week we both really appreciate the quiet downtime.

    Any self-employment takes unusual commitment, but so goes a good relationship. It's healthy to take a break from the work, and having a regular date night is not only relaxing for yourself, but helps reassure your partner that you still value the time you two spend together.

    Life is short; balance is everything.
    Richard Gaskin
    Developer of WebMerge: Publish any data feed on any site
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  21. #21
    ABW Ambassador
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    "And about every once in awhile I here "your on the computer too much" from my wife."

    Had an ex-gf that used to say that a lot. That is something to be careful about. A lot of times they don't understand the time it takes to start up your own business and everything involved and lots of times they think you're just playing on the computer etc. But watch out for that "you're on the computer too much" because if your mate is feeling neglected, you could be single again. As long as you find some sort of balance.

  22. #22
    Affiliate Manager BlogBonnieBlog's Avatar
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    It's funny hearing this come from a guy cause this is what my hubby always says to me! .

    I have been working hard to change the way I work at my computer so I know when i'm "done" as affiliate marketing and social media is never "done". Rather than saying I have to blog - my goal is X # of posts a week. Twittering -- I want to post x times a day, respond to x number of others (to ensure I"m giving back), and find x # of people a day to follow.

    I've been making me a checklist and as I master each area I tweak it so I'll soon have a weekly worksheet I can look at and know exactly if I'm "done" or not. It's been very helpful.

    I also have a kitchen timer next to my desk and challenge myself to do task a or b in 15 minutes. It is soooo easy to get sucked into article reading and posts, etc. Helps me to stay on task and remember that I need to work before "playing".

    Best of luck! (and share any successes you have!)

    Bonnie

  23. #23
    ABW Ambassador Greg Rice's Avatar
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    Been there, but it's been many years ago. Folks here are right, she wants some of your time and not necessarily to keep you away from your work.

    When I was learning affiliate marketing/web design/coding, seo it took up pretty much all of my time and my wife complained too at times. She didn't see the future I could see, only the here and now.

    Now she sees and understands. But, we also have times dedicated where we spend time together, even if it's just watching a favorite TV show.

    It's easy to get immersed into this biz but don't lose sight of what really matters and that's your family. Keep your priorities in line and make time for what's most important. The money's worthless if it cost you your family.
    Greg Rice Affiliate Program Management
    www.gocmc.com info(AT)gocmc.com | 330-259-1223

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  24. #24
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    I'm pleased to say that my wife is very understanding of my "time spent on the computer." (She's seen the checks and the direct deposits in past years, both from consulting work and affiliate marketing.)

    She also works at home: she's an apartment manager. I've signed on as co-manager -- for no extra money -- so that I can "cover" for her when she leaves the property; this has allowed her to get much more involved in the community.

    We currently have two apartments -- a two-bedroom apartment that we live in, and a one-bedroom apartment used as our work space. I use the bedroom as my office, and my wife uses the living & dining room area as a work-space for a variety of activities.

    We're both somewhat apprehensive about my current efforts to find "full-time work" because if I do resume a 9-to-5 (or 8-to-7) work schedule, she'll have to re-adjust to being "tethered" to the apartment complex nearly all the time -- and we'd probably also give up the second apartment so she'd have less space, too.
    Last edited by markwelch; July 28th, 2009 at 02:35 PM.

  25. #25
    Member Cav's Avatar
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    Another challenge too is my children, I have a 10 and 4 year old , boy and girl. A lot of times my wife is at work. Most of that time of getting things done is so sporadic. Daddy I am hungry, Daddy my brother said he was going to kill me, Daddy my sister keeps going in my room and is ruining my life. LOL, That is just the way it is sometimes, but not all the time. Have you ever tried reading a book, and your kids are just going nuts. I swear, I must have read the same page 6 times over..... gahhh!!!!

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