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  1. #1
    Beachy Bill's Avatar
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    A Bill joke...
    A duck goes into a drugstore and buys some Chapstick,
    saying, "Put it on my bill..."

    .
    Bill / Marketing Blog @ 12PM - Current project: Resurrecting my "baby" at South Baltimore..
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  2. #2
    Half a Bubble Off Plumb RemodelingGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bill View Post
    A duck goes into a drugstore and buys some Chapstick,
    saying, "Put it on my bill..."

    .
    good lawdy that was bad.....

    Jimmy McDonald - Your Local Hard Working RemodelingGuy ( & SprinklerGuy - & GarageGuy )
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  3. #3
    Moderator BurgerBoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bill View Post
    A duck goes into a drugstore and buys some Chapstick,
    saying, "Put it on my bill..."

    .
    Started drinking Makers Mark a little early today didn't you?

    Vietnam Veteran 1966-1970 USASA
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  4. #4
    Affiliate Manager Sharon.Mostyn's Avatar
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    Talking Happy Friday!
    Quote Originally Posted by Bill View Post
    A duck goes into a drugstore and buys some Chapstick,
    saying, "Put it on my bill..."

    .
    Having Chapstick issues at our house, so will pass that one along! Thanks for the smile on this rainy Friday!

    Enjoy your weekend,
    sharon

  5. #5
    Half a Bubble Off Plumb RemodelingGuy's Avatar
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    I looked for Jimmy jokes and had no luck.

    ( there were a few Jimmy Carter jokes )

    Jimmy McDonald - Your Local Hard Working RemodelingGuy ( & SprinklerGuy - & GarageGuy )
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    We're Bettering YOUR Life by Improving Where YOU Live It ...
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  6. #6
    The Seal of Aproval rematt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RemodelingGuy View Post
    good lawdy that was bad.....
    ...and old!

    Quote Originally Posted by RemodelingGuy View Post
    I looked for Jimmy jokes and had no luck.
    Heh, heh, heh...

    -rematt
    "I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." - Richard Nixon

  7. #7
    Super Dawg Member Phil Kaufman aka AffiliateHound's Avatar
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    Same vintage:

    A duck goes into a drugstore and asks "Where's the talcum powder?" The clerk says "Walk this way." The duck says, "if I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the talcum powder."
    Since June 10, 2012 a vegan aarf but still writing the Hound Dawg Sports Blog
    "If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?" -John Wooden;
    "Raj, there’s no place for truth on the internet." -Howard Wolowitz[/SIZE]

  8. #8
    Full Member JCSupSvc's Avatar
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    Ohhhhh these are bad. I knew there was something I really like about you guys. Guess it's a sign that I can let my style of humor out here. For some reason when I tell a joke my wife always just seems to shake her head and sigh. Now I know it's just her and not me.

    Keep em coming.
    :rankn-scp John - This is our chosen profession. This is our way. This is what we do.

  9. #9
    ABW Ambassador Daniel M. Clark's Avatar
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    A duck walks into a drugstore to buy some Chapstick. He tells the clerk, "put it on my bill". The clerk says, "we don't offer credit here, sir". The duck leaves disappointed.
    Daniel M. Clark
    Tech Manager
    Greg Hoffman Consulting

  10. #10
    Super Dawg Member Phil Kaufman aka AffiliateHound's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daniel M. Clark View Post
    A duck walks into a drugstore to buy some Chapstick. He tells the clerk, "put it on my bill". The clerk says, "we don't offer credit here, sir". The duck leaves disappointed.
    ... goes back to his car, takes out his revolver, goes back into the store, shoots the clerk, takes the chapstick and a bottle of orange-flavored cough syrup with codeine, chugs the codeine-laced syrup, sooths his chapped bill with the chapstick, gets back in his car, peels out and drives into an 18-wheeler causing a fiery crash. As responders comb through the charred remains, they find a delicious looking Duck a l'Orange, with a nice, smooth bill.
    Since June 10, 2012 a vegan aarf but still writing the Hound Dawg Sports Blog
    "If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?" -John Wooden;
    "Raj, there’s no place for truth on the internet." -Howard Wolowitz[/SIZE]

  11. #11
    Half a Bubble Off Plumb RemodelingGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AffiliateHound View Post
    ... goes back to his car, takes out his revolver, goes back into the store, shoots the clerk, takes the chapstick and a bottle of orange-flavored cough syrup with codeine, chugs the codeine-laced syrup, sooths his chapped bill with the chapstick, gets back in his car, peels out and drives into an 18-wheeler causing a fiery crash. As responders comb through the charred remains, they find a delicious looking Duck a l'Orange, with a nice, smooth bill.
    Laughed my butt off.....

    Thanks!

    Jimmy McDonald - Your Local Hard Working RemodelingGuy ( & SprinklerGuy - & GarageGuy )
    StartRemodeling.com .... MySprinklerGuy.com .... MyGarageGuy.com ....
    We're Bettering YOUR Life by Improving Where YOU Live It ...
    Do What You LOVE & LOVE What You Do! ....

  12. #12
    Beachy Bill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AffiliateHound View Post
    ... goes back to his car, takes out his revolver, goes back into the store, shoots the clerk, takes the chapstick and a bottle of orange-flavored cough syrup with codeine, chugs the codeine-laced syrup, sooths his chapped bill with the chapstick, gets back in his car, peels out and drives into an 18-wheeler causing a fiery crash. As responders comb through the charred remains, they find a delicious looking Duck a l'Orange, with a nice, smooth bill.
    Uh..huh - take a look at BurgerBoy's comment in post #3.

    "I" do admit to Maker's Mark - but that was last night. (Tonight, however, will be a different story - in preparation for the St. Patty's Day parade tomorrow in Ocean City, MD.)
    Bill / Marketing Blog @ 12PM - Current project: Resurrecting my "baby" at South Baltimore..
    Cute Personal Checks and Business Checks
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  13. #13
    Affiliate Manager Matt McWilliams's Avatar
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    Totally reminded me of this Mitch Hedberg joke http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZneT3MbZgsI

    I was in downtown Boise Idaho and I saw a duck. I knew the duck was lost, because ducks aren't supposed to be downtown. There's nothing for 'em there.

    So I went to a Subway sandwich shop. I said, "Let me have a bun." She wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said it had to have something on it. She said it's against Subway regulations to sell just the bun.

    I guess the two halves aren't supposed to touch. So, I said, "All right, put some lettuce on it."

    "That'll be $1.75!"

    I said, "It's for a duck!"

    "Oh, then it's free."

    I did not know that. Ducks eat for free at Subway!

    Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the steak fajita sub, and don't bother ringing it up - it's for a duck!

    There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!"

    I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread.

    A duck loves bread, but he does not have the capability to buy a loaf.

    That's the biggest joke on the duck ever.

    If I worked at a convenience store, and a duck came in and stole a loaf of bread, I would let him go. I'd say, "Come back tomorrow, bring your friends!" When I think of a duck's friends, I think of other ducks. But he could have, say, a beaver in tow.
    Matt McWilliams
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  14. #14
    Full Member JCSupSvc's Avatar
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    A guy walks into a bar with a duck under his arm.

    Another guy at the bar, having had a little too much to drink, shouts out, "Hey, why'd you bring that pig in here?"

    The first guy responds, "It's not a pig, it's a duck."

    The second guy says, "I was talking to the duck."


    Can't say I didn't warn you.
    :rankn-scp John - This is our chosen profession. This is our way. This is what we do.

  15. #15
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    LOL you guys are too funny!
    Peace,

    Rexanne

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    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  16. #16
    ABW Ambassador Daniel M. Clark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matt McWilliams View Post
    Totally reminded me of this Mitch Hedberg joke http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZneT3MbZgsI

    Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the steak fajita sub, and don't bother ringing it up - it's for a duck!

    There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!"
    Mitch Hedberg was awesome, and that's one of my favorite bits. His delivery on the Sun Chips line was hysterical.
    Daniel M. Clark
    Tech Manager
    Greg Hoffman Consulting

  17. #17
    ABW Ambassador
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rexanne View Post
    LOL you guys are too funny!

    not necessarily in a good way though

  18. #18
    Super Dawg Member Phil Kaufman aka AffiliateHound's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Julian View Post
    not necessarily in a good way though
    ???????
    Since June 10, 2012 a vegan aarf but still writing the Hound Dawg Sports Blog
    "If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?" -John Wooden;
    "Raj, there’s no place for truth on the internet." -Howard Wolowitz[/SIZE]

  19. #19
    ABW Ambassador
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    Quote Originally Posted by AffiliateHound View Post
    ???????
    No, you are all really funny

  20. #20
    Plain Ol' Affiliate Rainmaker's Avatar
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    There was this farmer and it was time for his son to become "a man". The Farmer said "son, I don't have any money, but here's a duck. Go into town and...." ooops forgot this is a family show.

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