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  1. #1
    15 years and counting
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    How to avoid speeding tickets
    A mature (over 50) lady gets pulled over for speeding...
    Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
    Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
    Older Woman: Oh, I see.
    Officer: Can I see your license please?
    Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
    Officer: Don't have one?
    Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
    Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
    Older Woman: I can't do that.
    Officer: Why not?
    Older Woman: I stole this car.
    Officer: Stole it?
    Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
    Officer: You what?
    Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
    The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
    Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!The woman steps out of her vehicle.
    Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
    Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
    Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
    Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
    The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
    Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
    Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
    The officer is quite stunned.
    Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
    The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
    The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
    Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
    Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

  2. #2
    Yup, Sure ... now let me check ... Cagles Mill's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    The Midwest
    That's a good one!
    Rick M.
    I would rather have a bottle in front of me, than have a frontal lobotomy!
    Does your bubblegum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?

  3. #3
    Affiliate Manager ParadigmWilliam's Avatar
    Join Date
    September 23rd, 2007
    Good one, I heard it before somewhere but it wasn't an old lady. I wouldn't try that today though.
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  4. #4
    Affiliate Manager brett-e2's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 19th, 2009
    Classic! Though she would probably have gotten arrested for disturbing the peace.

  5. #5
    Affiliate Manager moviefan's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 3rd, 2010
    Las Vegas
    These days you would probably just get tasered before the officer called for backup!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    April 20th, 2010
    True...Another fan ran on the field last night...but he was not tasered.

  7. #7
    CPA Network Rep JamesCpaWay's Avatar
    Join Date
    June 1st, 2010
    good one indeed

  8. #8
    ABW Ambassador
    Join Date
    January 4th, 2006

  9. #9
    Join Date
    June 23rd, 2010
    That was very smart of the ol' lady lol, the officer was like "Back up Please!"

  10. #10
    Ride It Like You Stole It CowgirlUp's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 25th, 2007
    roflmao! good one!!!
    Be the change you want to see in the world ~ Gandhi

  11. #11
    Affiliate Manager Jill's Avatar
    Join Date
    February 21st, 2008
    Baltimore, Maryland
    Haha. That's awesome!
    Jill Swartwout, President
    Beaches and Towns Network, Inc

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