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  1. #1
    ABW Founder Haiko de Poel, Jr.'s Avatar
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    I just got an email from staples.com announcing the Staplers of the Stars Charity Auction and have to submit:


    [Currently at $65.00]

    A Bob Newhart autographed stapler as one of the dumbest presents you could ever get!

    So, I've decided to make a contest for the dumbest present.

    Winner gets a Microsoft / T20-00021 / Standard Wireless Optical / Keyboard and Mouse

    [Yes, I know I'm still delayed on the other contest, but will have that taken care of by the end of this week]
    Continued Success,

    Haiko
    The secret of success is constancy of purpose ~ Disraeli

  2. #2
    Domain Addict / Formerly known as elbowcreek Thomas A. Rice's Avatar
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    Well, I'd have to say the Farting Bubble Blower is up there..... a mooner blows bubbles out his hiney and makes farting noises at the same time.... a timeless clasic. You can never go wrong with farting presents!

    Following everyone else is a GREAT way to become average.

  3. #3
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    Bet SandraR has 2 of those...
    Webmaster's... Mike and Charlie

    "What have you done today to put real value into a referral click...from a shoppers viewpoint!"

  4. #4
    Full Member ahmar's Avatar
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    That present surely reminds me only of one person.........

    [edited to add: Mike was quicker than me]
    <DT>[size=1][color=navy]"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return.[/color][/size]<DT>[size=1][color=navy]It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale." Arthur C. Clark[/color][/size]</DT>

  5. #5
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    My wife and I got a singing shark as a wedding present. Like the singing bass but a shark and it sang Mac the Knife.

    I knew I waited too long to get married, all of the good gifts were already gone.
    Chris Mayr
    When amassed, even dust can become a mountain.

    There is a finite amount of intelligence but an infinite amount of stupidity in the universe

  6. #6
    ABW Ambassador Nova's Avatar
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    My friend got a brush/comb gift and he is bald!

    What COC stand for? Crooks Overwriting Commission
    Don't worry tracking is Infected

    Live life to the fullest, You only get 1 chance. Enjoy it while you can... Nothing last forever!

  7. #7
    Fear and Arrogance jrrl's Avatar
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    Actually, my neighbor got that exact farting bubble blower a couple of years ago and we were all pretty amused, but not for the intended reason. The reason is that the neighbor in question is a cousin on Senator Rick Santorum and doesn't like him and there is more than a striking resemblance:





    -John.
    There's a reason army's wear uniforms even though it makes them easier to spot. Sometimes that's what you want. Uniforms suggest organization, power, and numbers. These, in turn, inspire fear. And, as any good operative knows, there is no more effective weapon than fear.

    Hosting Comparison - HostScope - jrrl.com

  8. #8
    CPA Network Rep JP Sauve's Avatar
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    I've always been partial to vegetables as a gift myself.

    [font=verdana][b][size=3][color=red]Are you familiar with [URL]MaxBounty.com[/URL] yet?[/color][/b][/size][/font][font=verdana][b][size=1][color=black]
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    Earn $100 per merchant and 5% per affiliate on the second tier [/b][/color][/size][/font]

  9. #9
    ABW Ambassador Paul_Ward's Avatar
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    I'd like to nominate my sister-in-law Rita's efforts over the years. They are not poor by any means and live in a huge house in over-priced-housing-land-UK. No pictures I'm afraid, but these are all Christmas presents (just one per year) that she's given us in all seriousness and not as stocking fillers either:

    A jar of apricot flavoured mayonaisse.
    A packet of orange flavoured coffee.
    3 juggling scarves.
    A large balloon for eldest son when he was 12 - lasted about 10 minutes before it burst.
    A gruesome child-birth flick-book for my wife when she was pregnant - of course we kept running it backwards.
    8 cans of beer (best one yet).

    At this point my brother-in-law took over present buying and has got in right since, which makes it easier at present receiving time (oooh, gosh I didn't know I wanted one of those, but I do now!) if providing less amusing anecdotes later on.

  10. #10
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    Charlie fares better on Christmas gifts then I ever do. Hell 80% of all my presents say Mike & Charlie on them and are bird gifting related.

    Old Photo of Charlie enjoying OUR gifts...




    ps; JP Charlie loves raw carrots but only the single leg variety.
    Webmaster's... Mike and Charlie

    "What have you done today to put real value into a referral click...from a shoppers viewpoint!"

  11. #11
    ABW Ambassador meadowmufn's Avatar
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    Personally, I like the Bob Newhart autographed stapler. Though, I'd prefer an autographed Red Swingline.
    -Don't criticize anyone til you've walked a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.
    - Silence is golden. Duct Tape is silver.

  12. #12
    Super Sh!t Stirrer SSanf's Avatar
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    Jeff was blind. Someone gave him a jigsaw puzzle for Christmas once. Dang if he didn't try to put the thing together!

    It was a gag, of course.
    Comments are opinion unless otherwise noted. Remember, pillage first. Then burn. Half of all people in the world have IQs under 100. You best learn to trust ol' SSanf!

  13. #13
    affiliate emeritus missdonna's Avatar
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    My brother once gave my husband a bottle of after-shave. My husband had had a beard for at least 5 years.
    Affiliate Marketing - The hardest easy money I ever made.

  14. #14
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    This is a story of the worst gift I ever gave, and I’m sure that I’m outing myself as a cheap b*stard. I was going to school overseas and had no money, so I bought my girlfriend a stuffed animal and a calendar for Christmas. Now it should be said that when you buy someone you’re involved with a calendar, you’re sending the message that “I’m counting the days until I never have to see you again.” But it turned out well, she bought me a calendar too.

  15. #15
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    I guess I have to go with this one, and although it may be kinda cool, I just can't see buying one for somebody.

    Chia Mr. T
    I forgot what I was doing.

  16. #16
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    uh well...not sure about 'dumbest'.... but I have one for 'most pathetically passive-aggresive'.

    My grandmother didn't exactly approve of my living with my fiance before we were married. Over the course of two christmases and a birthday, I received:

    A single pillowcase.
    A single wine glass.
    A single placemat.

    Oddly, she and I never did have a very close relationship.

  17. #17
    ABW Ambassador
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    Ah man, my submission for the Chia Mr. T link isn't working anymore.
    I forgot what I was doing.

  18. #18
    ABW Ambassador
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    The dumbest and crappiest gift has to be from this site: http://www.turdtwister.com
    Hi, I'm a signature.

  19. #19
    Kung Fu Master Eathan's Avatar
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    Do birthday presents count?

    I once received 2 frozen burritos (the 3 for a dollar kind) from my mother. I still wonder if maybe there was another present hidden away that she forgot about, as that was a one-time oddity...
    Eathan Mertz

    Black Cat Mining - Gold Prospecting & Rockhounding Equipment

  20. #20
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    actually for my 18th birthday my grandmother got me a six-pack of toilet paper. I am not sure why as I was still living at home at that time.
    Chris Mayr
    When amassed, even dust can become a mountain.

    There is a finite amount of intelligence but an infinite amount of stupidity in the universe

  21. #21
    ABW Veteran Mr. Sal's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>
    actually for my 18th birthday my grandmother got me a six-pack of toilet paper. I am not sure why as I was still living at home at that time.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Why?


    Maybe for this:

  22. #22
    ABW Ambassador
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cmayr23:
    actually for my 18th birthday my grandmother got me a six-pack of toilet paper. I am not sure why as I was still living at home at that time. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    I uncle used to request things like that. He would ask for toilet paper, paper towels, toothpaste... all sorts of things like that so that he wouldn't have to go through the trouble of buying them during the year.

    I guess he situation was a little different though.
    I forgot what I was doing.

  23. #23
    ABW Ambassador
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    My uncle gave my something he was not using, so after having it for a couple of years, he decided to give it to me, great gift..

    a CD with 5 years-old trial software.

    Fer(nando) - US & EU Marketing

  24. #24
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    To this day, we do not know how she thought toilet paper was a good gift. Though she gave my father (her son) film for a camera that we have never owned and it was the instamatic kind that expired and you got it, it was out of date.

    Here is the worst part, she wasn't even very old at that time, so you can't say it was senility. In fact, she still has her wits about her and she is now over 80.
    Chris Mayr
    When amassed, even dust can become a mountain.

    There is a finite amount of intelligence but an infinite amount of stupidity in the universe

  25. #25
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cmayr23:
    actually for my 18th birthday my grandmother got me a six-pack of toilet paper.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
    Was that her way of saying you were full of crap ? ?

    Hey Grandma ..

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