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  1. #1
    Devil's Reject Electropulse's Avatar
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    so true!

    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> 19 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN By Dave Barry

    1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

    2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
    "meetings."

    3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

    4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

    5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

    6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

    7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

    8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

    9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

    10. Never lick a steak knife.

    11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

    12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

    13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

    14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

    15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

    16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

    17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

    18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

    19. Your friends love you anyway.

    Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that
    amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

    FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    __________
    Black Out? you gotta be sh!tting me! - Nikola Tesla (while spinning in his grave).

  2. #2
    ABW Ambassador
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    HA! #18 is my favorite.

    IamJaloppy

  3. #3
    Affiliate Manager
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
    Isn't that the truth! I was at a party once and met this one lady and asked her how far along she was...will never forget the look on her face when she told me that she wasn't pregnant...OOPS!


    To Good Health & Wellbeing,

    Chet Brzezinski
    eVitamins Affiliate Manager
    http://www.eVitamins.com

  4. #4
    pph Expert! Gordon's Avatar
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    #6 is the best for me.
    I would imagine there were more marriages broken because of this than any other reasons.

    I got my parasiteware t-shirt
    <font color=red size="1">All parasites are scumbags and should be treated as such....</font><font color=blue size="1">STAMP EM OUT!!!</font>
    Take care
    YouTrek.com

  5. #5
    ABW Ambassador
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Gordon:
    #6 is the best for me.
    I would imagine there were more marriages broken because of this than any other reasons.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>The same can be said of #1

    Consistency is the key to a winning season.

  6. #6
    ABW Ambassador ShoreMark's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ElectricPixel.com:
    15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I think it was when my son was 12 that we told him the Christmas well was going to dry up after that year (as it related to his older cousins etc.) "W-w-why?" Because you're a big kid yourself now and you have younger relatives that it's going to be your turn to buy for. "Oh, okay, yes that's cool!"

  7. #7
    Just Lurking
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>This explains a lot!

    ------------------------------
    "Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense." - Gertrude Stein, American author (1874-1946).

  8. #8
    Member
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> 18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    should beware of the sauce.

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