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December 9th, 2003, 12:05 PM #1
Just got this today and if there is one place that could use a few laughs it's here:
You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking.
Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative!
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said, "Implants?"
I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.
I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected!
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dip-shit's.
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a message!
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
How come we choose from just two people to run for President and 50 for Miss America?
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
Education is Key
Game on!!!! - The DawgFather
December 9th, 2003, 02:10 PM #2
"I did'nt get where I'm at today by worrying about how I'm going to feel tomorrow."
By Phil Kaufman aka AffiliateHound in forum Commission Junction - CJReplies: 2Last Post: July 5th, 2007, 12:38 PM
By mousejockey in forum Midnight Cafe'Replies: 5Last Post: March 26th, 2003, 04:14 PM
By Trust in forum Commission Junction - CJReplies: 0Last Post: March 20th, 2003, 08:11 PM
By Elisac in forum Commission Junction - CJReplies: 3Last Post: February 26th, 2003, 10:16 PM