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  1. #1
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    15 things to do at Wal-Mart while the person you're with is taking her/his
    sweet --- time:

    1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they
    aren't looking.

    2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

    4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in
    Housewares . . . and see what happens.

    5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

    6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll
    invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

    8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't
    you people just leave me alone?"

    9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your
    nose.

    10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows
    where the anti-depressants are.

    11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from
    "Mission Impossible."

    12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different
    size funnels.

    13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!
    PICK ME!"

    14. When an announcement! comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal
    position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"

    And last but not least:

    15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell
    loudly "There's no toilet paper in here!"

    SandraR

  2. #2
    ABW Ambassador erninator's Avatar
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    My wife likes to disappear when I'm not looking or reading a product label. I just yell her name as loud as I can. She absolutely hates it! BTW, a freind of ours was shopping Walmart and an elderly customer turned him in to security for farting.

    Ernie

    It may be that my sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

  3. #3
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    Not fair Ernie,

    Elaborate about the farting complaint? Did security smell his butt to make sure he was accusing the right farter? The old woman could have mistaken her fart for the fart of your friend.

    Yes I said old woman even though you did not give a sex to the complainant, no man would complain to security about male rituals!

    SandraR

  4. #4
    Eternal Optimist Look4's Avatar
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    He who smelt it, dealt it.

    L4

    Everywhere you go, leave someone or something better than you found it.

  5. #5
    ABW Ambassador erninator's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Elaborate about the farting complaint? Did security smell his butt to make sure he was accusing the right farter? The old woman could have mistaken her fart for the fart of your friend.

    Yes I said old woman even though you did not give a sex to the complainant, no man would complain to security about male rituals! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Sandra, you're right. It was an old woman. Mike should have asked the security guard to sniff his butt to be sure. I actually think that Walmart should be blamed for causing this. Everytime I enter a Walmart store I can't stop farting. That's probably why the wife takes off - for the cleaner smelling isles.

    Ernie

    It may be that my sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

  6. #6
    ABW Veteran Student Heyder's Avatar
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    Around here elderly women are the gassy offenders and I think the old men like it.

  7. #7
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    I saw in the paper where some obese guy was suing a local Dept store for hiring discrimination. Seems he was let go from 2 other places as the Christmas Santa Claus for emitting loud raunchy gasses (farts) everytime the Elf placed a kid on his lap. Guess he was a regular at the Taco Bell gutt granade takeout stand in the Mall....He'd make the perfect Walmart greeter with that snide smile on his face....

    Mike & Charlie ...

    If they won't adopt and feed a bird ..flip them one! BBQ some Gator and remember to flush WhenU..

  8. #8
    Affiliate Manager
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    Thought the walmart post was funny, then y'all got into the fart jokes and I was rolling!

    Carolyn Tang
    Affiliate Manager
    CollectiblesToday.com
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  9. #9
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    I could have been a millionaire when I made a betta version of the Ultimate fart testing pocketsized machine. The " Fart Perp". Damn ACLU blocked the launch before it could be launched to the general public and security guards. Seems the test version couldn't distinguish the Japanese man from the Hillbilly if they ate lunch at the same restaurant.

    Mike & Charlie ...

    If they won't adopt and feed a bird ..flip them one! BBQ some Gator and remember to flush WhenU..

    [This message was edited by EcomCity.com on December 08, 2003 at 07:00 PM.]

  10. #10
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    Its hard to type when your cracking up while listening to Santa Fart!



    SandraR

  11. #11
    ABW Ambassador erninator's Avatar
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    ROTFLMAO! Time to log off and make a pot of chile!

    Ernie

    It may be that my sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

  12. #12
    Affiliate Manager
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    SandraR, I am soooo glad you can't add sound effects to your avatar...

    Carolyn Tang
    Affiliate Manager
    CollectiblesToday.com
    e: ctang@collectiblestoday.com
    p: (847) 581-8939
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Join Our Program!
    http://www.collectiblestoday.com/ct/aff/aff_appl.jsp
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