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  1. #1
    Devil's Reject Electropulse's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    987
    December 1
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    I am happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.

    Merry Christmas to you and your family.

    Patty Lewis

    Human Resources Director

    - - - -

    December 2

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we are calling it our "Holiday Party". The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.

    Happy Holidays to you and your family.

    Patty Lewis

    Human Resources Director

    - - - -

    December 3

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I am happy to accommodate this request, but don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads "AA Only", you won't be anonymous any more. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange-no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.

    Patty Lewis

    Human Researchers Director

    - - - -

    December 7

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    I have arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now?

    Patty Lewis

    Human Racehorses Director

    - - - -

    December 9

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    People, people-nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan", there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit".

    Patty Lewis

    Human Ratraces

    - - - -

    December 10

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    Vegetarians - I've had it with you people!! We are going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not. You can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death", as you put it, and you will get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... HA! I hope you all have a rotten holiday. Drive drunk and die, you hear me?

    The ***** from Hell

    - - - -

    December 14

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    I am sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I will continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays!

    Terri Bishop

    Acting Human Resources Director

    __________
    bah, what do I know, just look at my epc.

  2. #2
    ABW Founder Haiko de Poel, Jr.'s Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    New York
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    21,609
    LOL

    <font size="2" face="Verdana">Haiko


    The secret of success is constancy of purpose. ~ Disraeli
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  3. #3
    ABW Ambassador Nova's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    home
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    2,395

    That sounds like she works with Affiliate Marketing side.

    poor thing!

    ------------------------------
    What does the COC stand for? Crooks Overwriting Commissions.
    Don't worry! Tracking is infected!
    ------------------------------
    Love Life to the fullest. we only get ONE chance! :-) !

  4. #4
    Newbie
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    January 18th, 2005
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    Perfect timing as I just sent out our Holiday Party draft memo.

    In the back of my mind I could easily see myself changing the memo to yours as its much more interesting!

    SandraR

  5. #5
    ABW Ambassador Andy's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    I understand just how Patty feels...you can't please all the people all the time. So why bother trying?

    Andy

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    <font color="red">Call the Exterminators! We've Got PARASITES!</font>

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