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  1. #1
    Sgt. Joe Friday frank3iii's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    441
    Why It's So Great To Be A Guy:

    Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    You know stuff about tanks.
    A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
    You can open all your own jars.
    Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
    You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
    You can leave the motel bed unmade.
    You can kill your own food.
    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
    Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
    If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
    Everything on your face stays its original color.
    You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
    Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
    You don't have to clean if the meter reader is coming.
    Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for
    hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
    Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
    Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.
    You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
    If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
    Your pals will never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
    You know which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
    You almost never have strap problems in public.
    You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
    The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
    You don't have to shave below your neck.
    One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
    Gas (at either end) is cool.
    Your belly usually hides your big hips.

    Frank

    "Just the facts, Ma'am"
    Sgt. Joe Friday, Dragnet

  2. #2
    Pimp Duck popdawg's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
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    Take off eh?
    Posts
    3,249
    thanks for that!

    Must Build More in 2004
    Game on!!!! - The DawgFather

  3. #3
    Affiliate Miester my2cents's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    far far away....
    Posts
    2,161


    And, that's the bottom line because it's my2cents!

  4. #4
    Newbie
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    3,219
    For FRANK and his obvious cohorts:


    FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES

    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

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    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

    ----------------------------------------

    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

    ----------------------------------------

    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

    ----------------------------------------

    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

    ----------------------------------------

    Why do men break wind more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

    ----------------------------------------

    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

    ----------------------------------------

    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A woman who won't do what she's told.

    --------------------------------------

    I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

    ----------------------------------------

    I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

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    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

    ----------------------------------------

    Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

    ----------------------------------------

    Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

    ----------------------------------------

    In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

    ------------------------------------------

    Why do men die before their wives?
    They want to.

    ----------------------------------------

    A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
    She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

    ----------------------------------------

    Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
    Dad: That happens in every country, son.

    ----------------------------------------

    A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
    Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

    ----------------------------------------

    The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

    ----------------------------------------

    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.



    SandraR
    <font size="1" face="Arial">| SSAN &amp; AIM: SSanAssistance | MSN &amp; Yahoo: SSan_Assistance |</font></p>

  5. #5
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    St Clair Shores MI.
    Posts
    17,328
    Leave it to SandraR to stir up the pot...

    Mike & Charlie ...

    "Payment is one option that isn't negotiable. Merchants require it for purchases ...SO DO WE."

  6. #6
    Just Lurking
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    1,263
    (Buddha refrains from comment. Too busy LMAO!)

    ------------------------------
    "If all the newbies are going to start writing ebooks maybe I should get started on mine!" -- Buddha

  7. #7
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Mansfield, TX
    Posts
    16,232
    A successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    Michael Coley
    Amazing-Bargains.com

  8. #8
    ABW Ambassador mousejockey's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    2,494
    (Gas (at either end) is cool.)
    Yuck!
    Funny at times but not cool!

    Men are a quick study too...
    I adopted a cat a while back but the rotten thing started using the sofa as a scratching post.
    "Don't worry," the old boy said, "I'll have him trained in no time."

    For several days I watched as hubby plonked the cat outside whenever he scratched to teach him a lesson.
    The cat learned quickly. For the next 10 years whenever he wanted to go outside, he just scratched the back of the sofa.

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