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July 10th, 2004, 03:30 PM #1
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Lawyer: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, I just lie there.
Lawyer: What was the first thing your husband said to youwhen he woke up that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Lawyer: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.
Lawyer: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July fifteenth.
Lawyer: What year?
Witness: Every year
Lawyer: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Lawyer: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Lawyer: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Lawyer: How old is your son, the one living with you?
Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Lawyer: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: Forty-five years.
Lawyer: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Lawyer: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Lawyer: And what were you doing at that time?
Lawyer: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated?
Lawyer: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Lawyer: Was this a male, or a female?
Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Lawyer: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Lawyer: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Travelin' ManTravelin' Man
"If you don't know where you are going, any road will lead you there." -- unknown
July 10th, 2004, 06:20 PM #2
LOL, that last one's the best.......Following everyone else is a GREAT way to become average.
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