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  1. #1
    Full Member Travelin Man's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    409
    These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


    Lawyer: Are you sexually active?
    Witness: No, I just lie there.
    =================================
    Lawyer: What was the first thing your husband said to youwhen he woke up that morning?
    Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Lawyer: And why did that upset you?
    Witness: My name is Susan.
    =================================
    Lawyer: What is your date of birth?
    Witness: July fifteenth.
    Lawyer: What year?
    Witness: Every year
    ======================================
    Lawyer: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ======================================
    Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    Witness: Yes.
    Lawyer: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    Witness: I forget.
    Lawyer: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
    ========================================
    Lawyer: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Lawyer: How long has he lived with you?
    Witness: Forty-five years.
    ========================================
    Lawyer: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    ===========================================
    Lawyer: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    Witness: Yes.
    Lawyer: And what were you doing at that time?
    ===========================================
    Lawyer: How was your first marriage terminated?
    Witness: By death.
    Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated?
    ===========================================
    Lawyer: Can you describe the individual?
    Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Lawyer: Was this a male, or a female?
    ===========================================
    Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    ===========================================
    Lawyer: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    Witness: Oral.
    ==============================================
    Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Lawyer: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
    ================================================
    Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    Witness: No.
    Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
    Witness: No.
    Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
    Witness: No.
    Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    Witness: No.
    Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

    Travelin' Man
    Travelin' Man

    "If you don't know where you are going, any road will lead you there." -- unknown

  2. #2
    Domain Addict / Formerly known as elbowcreek Thomas A. Rice's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    5,468
    LOL, that last one's the best.......
    Following everyone else is a GREAT way to become average.

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