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  1. #1
    CPA Network Rep JP Sauve's Avatar
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    I'd like to post my absolutely favorite joke. It's a hoot, bound to make everyone laugh... but there's some harsh language in it.

    It's not sexual, racial, religious, perverse, or anything like that... just somewhat foulmouthed, and the language is really necessary to tell the joke well.

    What's the policy on this? Can I post, or not?
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  2. #2
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    SandraR says let it fly...
    Webmaster's... Mike and Charlie

    "What have you done today to put real value into a referral click...from a shoppers viewpoint!"

  3. #3
    ABW Ambassador
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    Well, without the sexual, racial, religious, perverse, or anything like that stuff.....it's bound to be milder than half the posts here.

  4. #4
    ABW Founder Haiko de Poel, Jr.'s Avatar
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    Use the icon
    Continued Success,

    Haiko
    The secret of success is constancy of purpose ~ Disraeli

  5. #5
    ABW Ambassador
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    "Use the icon "

    Or the avatar

  6. #6
    CPA Network Rep JP Sauve's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Haiko:
    Use the icon <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    I could, but it's just not the same that way.
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  7. #7
    pph Expert! Gordon's Avatar
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    Well I for one just hate to miss out on a good joke be it rascist, foul mouthed, sexist, religious, perverse, aged or any thing "ist" I guess it must be the tiny sensible bit of my brain that realises a joke is joke, PM it to me if you don't want to post it here please
    One day parasites and their ilk will be made illegal, I bet a few Lawyers will be pissed off when the day comes.
    Mr. Spitzer is fetching it nearer

    YouTrek

  8. #8
    CPA Network Rep JP Sauve's Avatar
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    OK then, this is my absolute favorite joke, printed and reprinted once a year in
    my humor newsletter ScoreLarge.com. ScoreLarge has been going since
    1999, so you could say I've read many many jokes... and this one is the best.

    Don't bust my chops about the language. You've all been warned, and there's
    really only a handful of bad words, which I feel are necessary for the correct
    telling of the joke. I've modified the dirty words a little so you can still tell
    what he's saying without actually spelling it out.

    I would have used , but then you wouldn't know which bad words he's saying.

    If it's still too foul, I understand that the post might be deleted.


    - - -


    Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK,
    a Canadian who was visiting Texas:

    Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding famous
    celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no
    one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick
    at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the
    judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call
    came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that
    the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could
    have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

    Here are the scorecards from the event.....


    Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

    JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

    JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

    FRANK: Holy sh*t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove
    dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put
    the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These Texans are
    crazy.



    Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili

    JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

    JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be
    taken seriously.

    FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am
    supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
    wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie
    in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face.



    Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

    JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more
    beans.

    JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.

    FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
    like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now.
    Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front
    part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced.



    Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic

    JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

    JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
    or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

    FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable
    to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh
    refills; that 300lb. ***** is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear
    waste I'm eating.



    Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover

    JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
    adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

    JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato.
    Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

    FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I
    farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant
    seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain
    damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly
    on it from a pitcher. It really chokes me that the other judges asked
    me to stop screaming. F#ck those rednecks!



    Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

    JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance
    of spice and peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions,
    and garlic. Superb.

    FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
    sulfuric flames. No-one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
    slut Sally. I need to wipe my f#cking ass with a snow cone!



    Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

    JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned
    peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can
    of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried
    about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he
    is cursing uncontrollably.

    FRANK: You could put a f#cking grenade in my mouth, pull the f#cking
    pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye,
    and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is
    covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my f#cking mouth. My
    pants are full of lava-like sh*t to match my goddamn shirt. At least
    during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop
    breathing, it's too painful. F#ck it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway.
    If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the f#cking 4 inch hole in my
    stomach.



    Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili

    JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all,
    not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

    JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild
    nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3
    passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if
    he's going to make it. Poor Canuck.



    - - -



    No offense intended towards Canadians, Texans or barmaids named Sally.
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  9. #9
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    Frank posted that one a while back all of us INCLUDNG GORDON almost wet ourselves. Some choked and cried!

  10. #10
    pph Expert! Gordon's Avatar
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    I read and enjoyed it the first time Frank posted it but thanks for posting it again I just had another great laugh at it.

    I should warn you do NOT invite SandraR to your house ....
    She seems to be wetting her pants quite a lot just recently, I'm wondering if it is anything to do with old age??
    One day parasites and their ilk will be made illegal, I bet a few Lawyers will be pissed off when the day comes.
    Mr. Spitzer is fetching it nearer

    YouTrek

  11. #11
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    Just as funny the second time around ...like a belched Hapanero pepper laced re-fried bean burrito..... check this out
    Webmaster's... Mike and Charlie

    "What have you done today to put real value into a referral click...from a shoppers viewpoint!"

  12. #12
    ABW Veteran Student Heyder's Avatar
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    Oh man all that and it's been done before!

    Still is one hell of a joke

  13. #13
    Outsourced Program Manager Allen - AMWSO's Avatar
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    Life is all about ass; you're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like one
    [SIZE=1][B]Allen Miller. Affiliate Manager, EZvacuum.com / UnitedShades.com[/B]
    [/SIZE]

  14. #14
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    UHMMMMMMMMMMMMM

    Allen WSO fix your sig please!

    At least I do not need glasses to see it

  15. #15
    ABW Veteran Mr. Sal's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>
    Allen WSO fix your sig please!
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Wow, biggest sig of the year. Want any fries with that?

  16. #16
    Outsourced Program Manager Allen - AMWSO's Avatar
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    Sorry about that.
    [SIZE=1][B]Allen Miller. Affiliate Manager, EZvacuum.com / UnitedShades.com[/B]
    [/SIZE]

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