Printed from today's newsletter....

The Top 18 Prank Phone Calls by Animals

18. Goldfish: "911! Help! I'm drowning! Help! HELP!!! Oh, wait -- I'm a fish! Never mind."
17. Dog: "Hello, can I speak to Mr. I.P. Onnarug?"
16. Dog: "[*heavy panting*] Could you put the phone up to your butt for a minute?"
15. Beaver: "Hello, Ms. Stone? Close your legs, for cryin' out loud! You're giving my kind a bad name!"
14. Dog: "Can you page Miss Legtohump, first name Anita?"
13. Pig: "Your order is ready, Rabbi Lipshitz."
12. Dog: "My name is Humphrey Quentley. Is the ***** of the house in?"
11. Iguana: "Roy Scheider? This is Liz... Liz Erd. I want my neck back!"
10. Dog: "Hello, Twin Dragons restaurant? EAT ME!!"
9. Mink: "Could I speak to the lost and found? I think I left my coat."
8. Dog: "Is your refrigerator running? Well you better-- Hey, a squirrel!"
7. Cat: "That wasn't really Almond Roca I sent you."
6. Donkey: "Is 'U.R. Ugly' there? ... Why, yes, I *am* an ass."
5. Dog: "Is there a Hugh Jefirehydrant there?"
4. Squirrel: "I'd like to speak to Holden... Holden Manuts."
3. Lamb: "911? Please send an ambulance! My sister is bleating from her mouth!"
2. Dog: "I am the Viper.... I am the Viper... I vill vipe my butt on your vall-to-vall carpet!"

and Number 1 Prank Phone Call by an Animal...

1. Sperm whale: "May I speak to Ms. Lewinsky, please?"