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August 25th, 2004, 11:33 PM #1
A man walked into a bar one day.
He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but I don't know you, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar.
The bartender asked the guy. "Where did you get all that money?"
"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it.
"Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
"I'll give you another chance.
I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet.
So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.
That's how I win so much money, I only bet on sure things. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar.
Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic.
Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay"
I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!
August 26th, 2004, 05:46 AM #2
August 26th, 2004, 06:36 AM #3
August 26th, 2004, 09:32 AM #4
Good oneOne day parasites and their ilk will be made illegal, I bet a few Lawyers will be pissed off when the day comes.
Mr. Spitzer is fetching it nearer
August 26th, 2004, 05:47 PM #5
I decide when the pigs fly!
- Join Date
- January 18th, 2005
- New York, USA
Ran into a shoe shine kid in New Orleans years ago who had a routine like that. Kid took my jerky ex-husband for $10!
Sorry, I don't remember the routine or I'd bet you all a month's commissions on the network of your choice.
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