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  1. #1
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    An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

    The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

    The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

    At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Then silence.

    Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

    The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

  2. #2
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
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    I have an idea. Howzabout we share stories about the terrible lunches our parents packed for us when we were kids?

    My mother is a horrible cook. She comes by it honestly as her own mother was a horrible cook, too. (I get my cooking genes from Dad's side of the family, fortunately.)

    Once a week she'd make what could only be described as a vat of tuna fish salad. She put so much mayonnaise in it that a scum of mayo floated on the top of the vat. She made our lunches the night before, so by the time we tried to eat them the next day the (hideous) Wonder Bread was totally saturated and the sandwiches had to be eaten with a fork.

    Anyone want to trade a soggy tuna fish sandwich for a PB&J?

  3. #3
    pph Expert! Gordon's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> I have an idea. Howzabout we share stories about the terrible lunches our parents packed for us when we were kids? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well mines easy....

    We were so poor I never knew what a lunch was until I started work. Whilst at school I would find any old food wrappings would be chewed on like cardboard or paper this would become my soup course, followed by freshly pulled up grass for my salad and on a good day I would find a dead animal or road kill that had not started to putrify this would be my meat course.

    For deserts I would look under the classroom desk or on the floors to see if anyone had left any chewing gum and hope it still had a trace of sugar left in it.

    After eating my fill any dog ends I had found whilst looking for my lunches would become my after dinner cigar.....you see even in those dark days I still had style.
    One day parasites and their ilk will be made illegal, I bet a few Lawyers will be pissed off when the day comes.
    Mr. Spitzer is fetching it nearer

    YouTrek

  4. #4
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    Gordon,

    I bet you tortured your children with that bull hockey story. DAMN


    @Rhea,
    What does it say if you cannot remember what you had for lunch as a child?

  5. #5
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    My lunch was always vegemite sandwiches...... say no more

  6. #6
    ABW Ambassador Nova's Avatar
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    You mean you get a lunch break in school?

    I thought you can only eat after you get home from school! No wonder I didn't like going to school, I was hungry all the time!


    What COC stand for? Crooks Overwriting Commission
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    Live life to the fullest, You only get 1 chance. Enjoy it while you can... Nothing last forever!

  7. #7
    pph Expert! Gordon's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> You mean you get a lunch break in school? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
    Thats a good one Nova
    One day parasites and their ilk will be made illegal, I bet a few Lawyers will be pissed off when the day comes.
    Mr. Spitzer is fetching it nearer

    YouTrek

  8. #8
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
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    Sandra, I think it says that your lunches were not memorable. Apparently your parents didn't make you horrible lunches or wonderful lunches either.

    I was going to say Samy won the "worst lunch" contest for having to eat vegemite sandwiches, but since Nova didn't even get to eat lunch she wins hands down. (And I don't believe Gordon's tall tale. So there.)

    Nova, how long was your school day? I think it's just terrible that you didn't get a chance to eat anything at school. On the other hand, at least you weren't subjected to the hideous hot lunches that were prepared at school by the cafeteria workers. Even my mom's soggy tuna sandwiches were better than school lunches.

  9. #9
    pph Expert! Gordon's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> at least you weren't subjected to the hideous hot lunches that were prepared at school by the cafeteria workers <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ARGH!!! I don't want those memories back Rhea,
    holy moley the semolina pudding was like soggy warm concrete,
    the rice pudding not much better,
    the chips (french fries) were like lukewarm pieces of straw,
    the soups were like dirty dish water with a few bits something floating, on a good day it was hot,
    the greens oh no!! I'm sure they got the leftovers from the local cafes garbage bin,
    One day parasites and their ilk will be made illegal, I bet a few Lawyers will be pissed off when the day comes.
    Mr. Spitzer is fetching it nearer

    YouTrek

  10. #10
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Gordon:
    the semolina pudding was like soggy warm concrete,
    the rice pudding not much better,
    the chips (french fries) were like lukewarm pieces of straw,
    the soups were like dirty dish water with a few bits something floating, on a good day it was hot,
    the greens oh no!! I'm sure they got the leftovers from the local cafes garbage bin, <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
    As for the spotted dick, well...

  11. #11
    ABW Ambassador Radegast's Avatar
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  12. #12
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
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    Looks tasty. Gotta go find a recipe unless one of you has one.

    School lunches. Soup with grease floating on the top and chicken bones at the bottom. Spaghetti that even the kids who weren't Italian thought was disgusting. Hot dogs that had more dog in them than beef. Shriveled hamburgers. And what was with the cole slaw? Why were they forever giving us cole slaw? It usually ended up being crammed into an empty milk carton so the teachers wouldn't catch you not eating your vegetable.

    The lunch ladies were trying to poison us or starve us, it's not clear which. We begged my mother to make us lunches to take to school so we wouldn't have to eat that vile stuff. It was forty cents and another nickel for milk.

  13. #13
    ABW Ambassador Radegast's Avatar
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    Coleslaw...

    When I lived in Vienna one of the scariest sights of my whole life a huge open barrel of sauerkraut in a food shop.

    People would take their own containers to fill from the barrel.

    I swear a person could have fallen in and the corpse not be found for 10 years.

  14. #14
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    I told my mother once that I liked cheese and bologna sandwiches. After 2 weeks of nothing but, I told her never mind!!!!!

    Other than that, I am with SandraR, I can't/won't remember what else I had for school lunches!
    Deborah Carney
    TeamLoxly.com BookGoodies.com ABCsPlus.com

  15. #15
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    My mom learned to make tuna sandwiches the same way Rhea's mother did. She also thought I loved liverwurst. It was only many years later that I actually did acquire a taste for both. Since I stopped eating meat I miss the liverwurst but I do live on tuna fish.

    We all want our children to have a better life than we did. School meals was the reason I sent my daughter to a private girls' school where there were tablecloths and flowers on the tables and really good food in the kitchens. (Plus visitors were always welcome at meal times and I visited a lot.)

    Wayne

  16. #16
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
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    Pssst...Wayne...Wednesday is pizza-for-lunch day. Thought you'd like to know.

  17. #17
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    Thanks for the heads-up, Rhea.
    Jenna's finsished with college now and just got back to New York for a while so we'll have to make an Alummni pizza run some Wednesday. (After she's done "welcoming" Republican delegates to New York.)

    Wayne

  18. #18
    ABW Ambassador Nova's Avatar
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    @Rhea - They do have lunch break but they don't have cafeteria they do have little store outside the gate for kids to buy someting to eat if you have some money to pay for it or bring your own which its usually rice and what ever! We eat big breakfast thought I just get hungry alot I guess, tapeworm I think!

    I quit grade school after 3yrs of being hungry and bored! I wanted to have some fun and learn later! and I did have some fun when I was a youngin!

    What COC stand for? Crooks Overwriting Commission
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    Live life to the fullest, You only get 1 chance. Enjoy it while you can... Nothing last forever!

  19. #19
    ABW Ambassador erninator's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>I swear a person could have fallen in and the corpse not be found for 10 years. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    This is absolutely true. A migrant worker at the Heinz pickle factory that used to operate here disappeared at work. Several years later when cleaning out the 20,000 gal. pickle vat they found his bones. I've chosen other brands ever since.
    ~Ernie

  20. #20
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Several years later when cleaning out the 20,000 gal. pickle vat they found his bones. I've chosen other brands ever since.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Maybe the other brands just haven't found their missing workers yet!

    At least with Heinz you'd know the bones have been removed now
    There is no knowledge that is not power. ~Hemingway

  21. #21
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
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    Wayne, let me know when you're coming so hubby and I can join you for lunch. Our treat of course.

    For Jenna, hope she doesn't need it. http://portland.indymedia.org/en/2003/08/270141.shtml

  22. #22
    ABW Ambassador Nova's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Maybe the other brands just haven't found their missing workers yet!

    At least with Heinz you'd know the bones have been removed now
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Good point Leader!


    So that is what this phrase means "You flush what you eat!"

    What COC stand for? Crooks Overwriting Commission
    Don't worry tracking is Infected

    Live life to the fullest, You only get 1 chance. Enjoy it while you can... Nothing last forever!

  23. #23
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SandraR:
    An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

    The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

    The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

    At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Then silence.

    Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

    The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Funny thing is,when we were kids,my uncle worked for Hostess cupcakes,another made apple butter, so for 6 months my lunch was chocolate cupcakes, and an apple butter sandwich, one day i asked my Mother, if there isn't anything else, she said why didn't you say so, so for 6 months I got orange cupcakes, and bologna, since the war was on, food was rationed, they I decided to make my own lunch, all we had was cupckes ,apple butter, and bologna.$0 years later, my sisters and brother were visiting my mother, and mentioed the apple butter, she said I thought you liked it, she bought gallon jars.Now when my uncle got a job in a lamb slaughter house, we ate lamb until it came out our ears, as the years went by, we swithched to peanut butter.After my wife and I got married, she was from Ireland,and most of my job was on the road, a lot of driving, so I browned bagged cupcakes,an apple and apple butter and peanut butter sandwiches,since some stores were in New York, i gave a klot of thought of taking a dive off of something, Teresa was a good cook, and with her gone, I nuke everything, i never realized how she spoiled me, with so many things she did, and all I had to do was design stores, and field check them, with me, 7 kids, a housewife is an educator,bill payer,cook,cleaner,and so much more, so when I came home, and complained about traffic,and she asked how my day went, all I could say was same as yesterday, and tomorrow.
    JJ

  24. #24
    Full Member Travelin Man's Avatar
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    Reminds me of this bit by Adam Sandler. If you've never heard it you should! If anyone can find a link to the song please post it! Thanks!


    Lunch Lady Land Performed by Adam Sandler on 15 Jan 1994 (Sara Gilbert)

    Sandler: This is a song about the high school experience sung through the eyes of the person who more than anyone else puts young people on the right path. I'm not talking about the teachers, I'm not talking about the coaches, I'm not even talking about the guidence counselors. I'm talking about a person we call.. The Lunch Lady.

    Woke up in the morning, put on my new plastic glove. Served some reheated salsbury steak with a little slice of love.

    I got no clue what the chicken pot pie is made of..Just know everything's doing fine down here in...LUNCHLADY LAND

    Well I wear this net on my head..cuz my red hair is fallin' out. I wear these brown orthapedic shoes cuz I got a bad case of the gout.

    I know you want seconds on the corn dogs, but there's no reason to shout.

    Everybody gets enough food down here in the magical..LUNCHLADY LAND.

    (G. E. Smith & band joins in)

    Well yesterday's meatloaf is today's sloppy joes. And my breath reaks of tuna and there's lots of black hairs comin' out of my nose.

    AH Hoagies and grinders, hoagies and grinders navy beans, navy beans, navy beans, navy beans. hoagies and grinders, hoagies and grinders
    navy beans, navy beans..MEATLOAF SANDWICH.

    Sloppy joe slop sloppy joe yeah
    sloppy joe slop sloppy joe ooh-yeah

    (with Chris Farley)
    sloppy joe slop sloppy joe yeah
    sloppy joe slop sloppy joe -YEAH

    Then one morning that I woke up to see aw the pepperoni pizza was lookin at me.

    It screamed why do you burn me and serve me up cold, I said a I got the spatula- just do what you're told. And the liver and onions started joining the fight and the chocolate pudding pushed me with all its might and the chop suey slapped me and it kicked me in the head -it's called revenge LunchLady said the garlic bread

    I said what did I do to make you all so mad?
    You got flabby arms and your breath is bad. And the green beans said you better run and hide but then my friend Sloppy Joe came and joined my side.

    He said if it wasn't for the Lunch Lady the kids wouldn't eat ya You should be shakin' her hand and sayin' pleased to meet ya

    She gives you a purpose and she gives you a goal You should be kissin' her feet or kissin' her mole

    Now all the angry food just leave me alone,
    And we all live together in our happy home a thanks to

    Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe yeah
    Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe ooh yeah
    Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe yeah
    (slower)Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe well..

    Me and Sloppy Joe got married.
    We got six kids and we're doin' just fine.
    Down in Lunch Lady Land
    OHH WOAH!
    Travelin' Man

    "If you don't know where you are going, any road will lead you there." -- unknown

  25. #25
    ABW Ambassador Radegast's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Rhea:
    Looks tasty. Gotta go find a recipe unless one of you has one.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
    Spotted Dick recipe

    Mmmmmhhhhh....

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