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  1. #1
    CPA Network Rep JP Sauve's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Former Van Halen singer David Lee Roth has moved to
    Manhattan and is training to become a New York City
    emergency medical technician. He hopes to complete
    his EMT training and be working by November.

    The Top 20 Signs You're Being Rescued by David Lee Roth

    20. Blood transfusions forcibly provided by a bound-and-gagged Sammy Hagar.
    19. Mere seconds after he notices your Sammy Hagar T-shirt, he's already brought over a couple of bikini models, pulled up a Barcalounger, and kicked back with a pitcher of margaritas to watch you bleed to death.
    18. You're pretty sure that the Heimlich Maneuver shouldn't have quite this much breast-groping.
    17. He reports to the hospital that your heart monitor is reading "Bohzdee bohzee bop, zitty bop!"
    16. He mutters something about being all out of Demerol and offers you a swig of Jack Daniel's instead.
    15. You feel a crushing pain in your chest -- not from a heart attack, but from the sheer volume of his enormous ego.
    14. Halfway through CPR, Sammy Hagar steps in to finish up.
    13. While mildly humorous at first, his habit of preceding each defibrillator-paddle press with, "Might as well... JUMP!" is getting downright annoying.
    12. He keeps twirling, straddling and flossing his crotch with your IV stand.
    11. He travels with a cadre of eight blonde nurses, all of whom have 43-inch chests and fewer than three buttons.
    10. During mouth to mouth, you feel his tongue tickling your uvula.
    9. You hung on through all the bickering with EMT Hagar, but when EMT Cherone shows up you mercifully take your last breath.
    8. Instead of resuscitating you, he just stands there laughing his ass off while you die a slow, painful death. (Eddie Van Halen only)
    7. Despite your state of shock, you're pretty sure that's not standard equipment for an intubation.
    6. Rather than climb out the back, he arrives by jumping off the top of the ambulance and riding a giant phallus around your yard while your chest palpitations worsen.
    5. Diagnosis: sprained ankle. Treatment: medicinal marijuana. For him.
    4. The jaws of life? His actual jaws.
    3. You might have changed your mind and come in from the ledge if it weren't for his "advice."
    2. One look at the tiger-stripe scrubs and you decide it's time to run toward the light.

    and Number 1 Sign You're Being Rescued by David Lee Roth...

    1. "Oh-no-no, Jamie's dyin'!"
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  2. #2
    ABW Ambassador
    Join Date
    January 17th, 2005
    If I was him I'd be more uptight about the Extreme boy-doll Gary Cherone than Sammy Hagar That was a classic tragic/comic episode.

  3. #3
    I like traffic lights
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Southern hemisphere - away from Fukushima
    I pick #11 for my next accident, and #15 for "closest to the truth".

    I seem to recall being at the VERY FIRST Cherone-fronted contest and was rather taken back by the Cherone-EVH full lip kiss part way through the concert.

    Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you, but just wasn't quite ready for it.

    Cherone was wearing one of those polyester shirts from the 70's - the ones that make your sweat REALLY STINK if you're not wearing copius quantities of underarm. He wasn't. I was in the front row, stage right, and almost fainting from the reek. Alex's drum solo caused a stir too, when he diverged into a latin rhythm segment. Some of the audience memebers whose musical taste were "narrow", voiced their disapproval. I liked it.

    Footnote - I was at the very last Hagar-fronted concert in Honolulu as well, so witnessed the end of one era and a few years later the start of the next one. Never saw DLR with them though which is quite disappointing.

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