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  1. #1
    Just 'N' Affiliate Naffiliate's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
    by Dave Barry

    1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and
    a laxative on the same night.

    2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and
    never will achieve, its full potential,
    that word would be "meetings."

    3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

    4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

    5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

    6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

    7. Never lick a steak knife.

    8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

    9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe
    daylight savings time.

    10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she is pregnant
    unless you can see an actual baby
    emerging from her at that moment.

    11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

    12. The one thing that unites all human beings,
    regardless of age, gender, religion,
    economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep
    down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

    13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
    (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

    14. Your friends love you anyway.

    15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

    FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they
    turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

    I like the final though....
    Getting There Is Half The Fun! Staying There Is Half The Battle!

  2. #2
    Full Member
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    January 18th, 2005
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    Good one.
    Dave's one of my favs.<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she is pregnant
    unless you can see an actual baby
    emerging from her at that moment.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    AMEN Brother!!!! I got in mega-trouble over that one!

    Rick K.
    "Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't...You're right!" -Henry Ford-

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