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  1. #1
    Affiliate Marketing Consultant Linda - 5starAffiliatePrograms's Avatar
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    No men allowed!

    Those of us *chicks* that are over 40 (I know a few of you are) don't want you guys reading this and giving us a hard time about the perils of growing older and *wiser*.


    Finally a Barbie I can relate to. At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...

    1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

    2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

    3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

    4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.

    5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

    6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

    7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr.. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

    8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B & B. Includes a real tape of
    Breaking Up Is Hard to Do.

    9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat

    10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

    11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self is included.

    Can anyone relate???

  2. #2
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
    I decide when the pigs fly!
    Rhea's Avatar
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    Ohmigod yes I can.

    I would add:

    Barbie no longer wears bikinis, having noticed that gravity has caused her navel to sag into an unattractive triangular shape.

    Receding Hairline Barbie. :sobbing:

    Varicose Vein Barbie.

    Or we could just lump 'em all in together and call it "Masculinized Barbie." The doll should be musical and play, "I Enjoy Being A Girl."

  3. #3
    pph Expert! Gordon's Avatar
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    Don't forget the razor-strap boobies Barbie.

    I guess most of them have gone south at that age unless they had plastic surgery
    One day parasites and their ilk will be made illegal, I bet a few Lawyers will be pissed off when the day comes.
    Mr. Spitzer is fetching it nearer

    YouTrek

  4. #4
    Newbie
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    Have you been following me around as a prototype?

  5. #5
    Affiliate Marketing Consultant Linda - 5starAffiliatePrograms's Avatar
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    I knew if I said "no men allowed", Gordo would poke his head in and make a wise crack!!! And I sure as heck knew Sandra would come up with something funny to say!

  6. #6
    pph Expert! Gordon's Avatar
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    Oh Linda You know us too well
    One day parasites and their ilk will be made illegal, I bet a few Lawyers will be pissed off when the day comes.
    Mr. Spitzer is fetching it nearer

    YouTrek

  7. #7
    ABW Ambassador flamingoworld's Avatar
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    Seeing as how I am still only 29, the only reason I came in here was to see what Gordon had said.

    He does qualify in some ways, he likes to wear dresses..

  8. #8
    Affiliate Marketing Consultant Linda - 5starAffiliatePrograms's Avatar
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    Yes Gordo I know you guys well. Was hoping Connie would chime in too, even though I know she's just a "young chick!"

    Where are those other "young chicks" like SSanf and Leader? Do they have any of the new Barbie dolls?

  9. #9
    Content $ Queen Ebudae's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Bifocals Barbie <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    lolol

    OMG - when I went to get my eyes checked and they told me I needed biofocals this young thing said - "don't worry it's very common with women your age"

    - I thought to myself - you just wait, your day is coming!!!
    Ebudae


  10. #10
    Resident Genius and Staunch Capitalist Leader's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Where are those other "young chicks" like SSanf and Leader? Do they have any of the new Barbie dolls? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    I would have a couple, but you said they were just for those over 40. I'm still only 36, so I'll have to do without!
    There is no knowledge that is not power. ~Hemingway

  11. #11
    Super Sh!t Stirrer SSanf's Avatar
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    My current Barbie doll collection includes:

    Who needs a man Barbie. Comes with AAA membership card and a coupon for a free banana split at Dairy Queen.

    Eat me Barbie. Comes with large glass and free Polident samples.

    Say, what? Barbie. Comes with three wigs styled to cover that funny thing stuck in her ear.

    Still got 'em beat Barbie. Comes with photographer Ken to take those porn shots she was too shy to have made when she was younger.

    Last laugh Barbie. Comes with widow's weeds, insurance policy, fur coat, diamond ring and two good looking, young beach bums.

    Free at last Barbie. Comes with empty nest.

    Let freedom ring Barbie. Comes with fully paid mortgage papers, a cheap, under the table, cleaning lady and lawn guy. Deluxe edition has a big freezer and an easy care garden, now that she has figured it out.

    Comfy Barbie. Comes with sweats in every color, shoes that don't hurt, pony tail bands and who gives a damned I'm old enough to do as I please attitude.

    Forthright Barbie. Comes with dictionary and knowledge that she can say what she wants. Everyone will just think she is senile.

    Seen the light Barbie. Comes with religious talisman of choice and lots of incense.

    Ex-sex object Barbie. Comes with boy toy.
    Comments are opinion unless otherwise noted. Remember, pillage first. Then burn. Half of all people in the world have IQs under 100. You best learn to trust ol' SSanf!

  12. #12
    Super Sh!t Stirrer SSanf's Avatar
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    Sorry for the late reply.

    Over 40 topics don't usually interest me.
    Comments are opinion unless otherwise noted. Remember, pillage first. Then burn. Half of all people in the world have IQs under 100. You best learn to trust ol' SSanf!

  13. #13
    Affiliate Marketing Consultant Linda - 5starAffiliatePrograms's Avatar
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    Sorry Leader. SSanf those were even funnier than the ones I posted!

  14. #14
    Super Sh!t Stirrer SSanf's Avatar
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    Comments are opinion unless otherwise noted. Remember, pillage first. Then burn. Half of all people in the world have IQs under 100. You best learn to trust ol' SSanf!

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