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November 9th, 2004, 05:27 PM #1
I just got this in my email today:
We didn't forget that a lot of entertainers had promised to leave the country if George W.Bush were to be re-elected President. With that in mind, we have a SPECIAL OFFER for those who still want to keep their promise!
ATTENTION: Would Alec Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell and her wife, Ed Asner, Janeane Garafalo, Whoppi Goldberg, Al Franken, Michael Moore, Cher, Phil Donahue, Rob Reiner (apparently still a "meathead"), Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda, Pierre Salinger, as well as the entire staffs of the LA and NY Times and anyone else who made that promise, please dispose of all U.S. assets and report to Florida for the sailing of the Funship Cruise, "Elation" (Commissioned to take you to your new vacation homes in Afghanistan).
You may opt to be dropped off in Somalia or Iraq. The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise. Please pack for an extended stay.... at least four more years.
NOTE: Since you advocate strict gun control, you may not bring any.
>Staffing for the cruise:
Captain - Bill Clinton
Cruise Director - Al Gore
Purser - Grey Davis
Cigar & Cigarette Girl - Monica "Lips" Lewinsky
Entertainment - The Dixie Chicks and Bruce Springsteen
Life Guard - John Kerry (In consideration of his past experience in pulling people out of the water.... unless he decides at the last minute not to go. He is advocating the elimination of the game "Shuffleboard" in favor of a new game he calls "Waffleboard". Be sure to pack your flip flops as you will need them while playing!
Media Director - Terry Heinz Kerry (Hopefully she will be kept somewhere below decks)
Bartender & Director of Emergency Procedures - Ted Kennedy (better bring your own life jacket, you know how he is when he drinks)
Inspirational Services - Rev. Al Sharpton
Intern Coordinator - Ex-Congressman Gary Condit
If you have any questions about making arrangements for your homes, friends and loved ones, please direct your comments to Senator Hillary Clinton. Her village can raise your children while you're gone and she can watch over all your money and your furnishings until you return.
Is this a great country or what? It's called freedom of Speech.~Ernie
November 9th, 2004, 05:32 PM #2++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
that's my2cents, 'cuz I'm a legend in my own mind....
November 10th, 2004, 10:11 AM #3
<DT>[size=1][color=navy]"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return.[/color][/size]<DT>[size=1][color=navy]It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale." Arthur C. Clark[/color][/size]</DT>
July 12th, 2005, 07:15 PM #4
And now for the other side of the fence -I claim NO political afffiliation and am not trying to start a flame in here ... just thought this was funny, especially the last line. :-) :
TO MY RED STATE FRIENDS
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that
Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the entire
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the
people of the new country
of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We
get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get
Ken Lay. We get the
Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get
WorldCom. We get
Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get
Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red
states pay their
fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war,
and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need
people to fight, ask
your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to
their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's
caskets coming home. We do
wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not
willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of
the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the and
lettuce, 92 percent of
the nation's fresh fruit,
95 percent of America's quality wines (You can serve French wines at state
dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry,
most of the U.S.
low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and
Seven Sister schools,
plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92
percent of all U.S.
mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the
hurricanes, 99 percent of all
Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush
Limbaugh, Bob Jones
University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
we're discussing the
death penalty or gun laws,
44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was
involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy people believe you are people
with higher morals
then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
they grow in Mexico.Peace,
Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic
July 15th, 2005, 10:25 AM #5
- Join Date
- February 28th, 2005
- Mississauga, Ontario, Canada