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  1. #1
    ABW Ambassador erninator's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    1,054
    I just got this in my email today:

    Cruise Offer

    We didn't forget that a lot of entertainers had promised to leave the country if George W.Bush were to be re-elected President. With that in mind, we have a SPECIAL OFFER for those who still want to keep their promise!

    ATTENTION: Would Alec Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell and her wife, Ed Asner, Janeane Garafalo, Whoppi Goldberg, Al Franken, Michael Moore, Cher, Phil Donahue, Rob Reiner (apparently still a "meathead"), Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda, Pierre Salinger, as well as the entire staffs of the LA and NY Times and anyone else who made that promise, please dispose of all U.S. assets and report to Florida for the sailing of the Funship Cruise, "Elation" (Commissioned to take you to your new vacation homes in Afghanistan).
    You may opt to be dropped off in Somalia or Iraq. The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise. Please pack for an extended stay.... at least four more years.

    NOTE: Since you advocate strict gun control, you may not bring any.

    >Staffing for the cruise:

    Captain - Bill Clinton
    Cruise Director - Al Gore
    Purser - Grey Davis
    Cigar & Cigarette Girl - Monica "Lips" Lewinsky
    Entertainment - The Dixie Chicks and Bruce Springsteen
    Life Guard - John Kerry (In consideration of his past experience in pulling people out of the water.... unless he decides at the last minute not to go. He is advocating the elimination of the game "Shuffleboard" in favor of a new game he calls "Waffleboard". Be sure to pack your flip flops as you will need them while playing!
    Media Director - Terry Heinz Kerry (Hopefully she will be kept somewhere below decks)
    Bartender & Director of Emergency Procedures - Ted Kennedy (better bring your own life jacket, you know how he is when he drinks)
    Inspirational Services - Rev. Al Sharpton
    Intern Coordinator - Ex-Congressman Gary Condit

    If you have any questions about making arrangements for your homes, friends and loved ones, please direct your comments to Senator Hillary Clinton. Her village can raise your children while you're gone and she can watch over all your money and your furnishings until you return.

    "Bon Voyage!"

    Is this a great country or what? It's called freedom of Speech.
    ~Ernie

  2. #2
    Affiliate Miester my2cents's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    far far away....
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    2,161
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    that's my2cents, 'cuz I'm a legend in my own mind....

  3. #3
    Full Member ahmar's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    <DT>[size=1][color=navy]"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return.[/color][/size]<DT>[size=1][color=navy]It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale." Arthur C. Clark[/color][/size]</DT>

  4. #4
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    Los Angeles
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    And now for the other side of the fence -I claim NO political afffiliation and am not trying to start a flame in here ... just thought this was funny, especially the last line. :-) :

    TO MY RED STATE FRIENDS

    We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
    taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that
    includes Hawaii,
    Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the entire
    Northeast. We
    believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the
    people of the new country
    of New California.

    To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We
    get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get
    Ken Lay. We get the
    Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get
    WorldCom. We get
    Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

    We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get
    Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red
    states pay their
    fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
    Christian
    Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
    moms.

    Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war,
    and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need
    people to fight, ask
    your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to
    their deaths for no
    purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's
    caskets coming home. We do
    wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not
    willing to spend our
    resources in Bush's Quagmire.

    With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of
    the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the and
    lettuce, 92 percent of
    the nation's fresh fruit,
    95 percent of America's quality wines (You can serve French wines at state
    dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry,
    most of the U.S.
    low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and
    Seven Sister schools,
    plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

    With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
    percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92
    percent of all U.S.
    mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the
    hurricanes, 99 percent of all
    Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush
    Limbaugh, Bob Jones
    University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

    We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

    Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
    actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
    we're discussing the
    death penalty or gun laws,
    44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was
    involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy people believe you are people
    with higher morals
    then we lefties.

    By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
    they grow in Mexico.
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  5. #5
    Affiliate Manager
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