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  1. #1
    ABW Ambassador
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    January 18th, 2005
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    4,053
    If you haven't made those Christmas cookies yet, here's a recipe to try.

    1 cup of water
    1 tsp baking soda
    1 cup of sugar
    1 tsp salt
    1 cup of brown sugar
    lemon juice
    4 large eggs
    1 cup nuts
    2 cups of dried fruit
    1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

    Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup - just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

    Merry Christmas.

  2. #2
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
    I decide when the pigs fly!
    Rhea's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    New York, USA
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    Pssst. That's not a cookie recipe. It's a recipe for >ACK!< fruitcake. Get it away, get it away!!!

  3. #3
    Affiliate Manager Allen Nance's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    Colorado River, Bullhead City AZ
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    1,604
    Well you forgot the Ebates additive for that cookie. It's the only reason to keep adding the Jose.


    My cookies went out the window with the fruitcake thanks to Ebates and friends.

    That's more Poop.

    Ol' Pooper
    Signup Now for our KiteandWind affiliate program exclusivly at Shareasale.
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  4. #4
    Affiliate Miester my2cents's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    far far away....
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    I happen to like fruitcake...

    Joe
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    that's my2cents, 'cuz I'm a legend in my own mind....

  5. #5
    ABW Ambassador Nova's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    Are we talking fruit cake "Fruit Cake"?
    Or are we talking fruit cake?

    Happy Cookie Day!

    What COC stand for? Crooks Overwriting Commission
    Don't worry tracking is Infected

    Live life to the fullest, You only get 1 chance. Enjoy it while you can... Nothing last forever!

  6. #6
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    St Clair Shores MI.
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    17,328
    If the world went up in a Nuke Holicost the only survivors would be cockroaches and fruit cakes.
    Webmaster's... Mike and Charlie

    "What have you done today to put real value into a referral click...from a shoppers viewpoint!"

  7. #7
    ABW Ambassador CDC's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    751
    And then the cockroaches would starve to death...


    CDC

  8. #8
    Moderator BurgerBoy's Avatar
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    Only one (1) fruit cake has ever been made in the history of the world.

    Different people just keep on passing it around to others each year.



    And if you ever take a bite of one you will be

    Vietnam Veteran 1966-1970 USASA
    ABW Forum Rules - Advertise At ABW

  9. #9
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    One bite out of a fruitcake and you'll go from this to this to this
    Webmaster's... Mike and Charlie

    "What have you done today to put real value into a referral click...from a shoppers viewpoint!"

  10. #10
    Member KrisKringle's Avatar
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    January 27th, 2005
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    Colorado
    Posts
    90
    Here are some Psychological Christmas Songs to enjoy with our fruitcake.....mmmmmm


    SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?

    MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

    DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.

    NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

    MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and
    Streets and Stores and Office and Town
    . . . or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

    PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

    PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry,
    I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.

    OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
    Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
    Bell, Jingle Bell,
    Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
    Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
    Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle
    Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
    Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell . . .

    BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open
    Fire.

    PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True
    Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).


  11. #11
    Member KrisKringle's Avatar
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    January 27th, 2005
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    Also: Urgent Press Release RE: Merger of Christmas and Hanukkah

    North Pole - 2005
    Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and
    acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference
    that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source
    said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300
    years.

    While details were not available at press time, it is
    believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of
    Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive
    for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world
    will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service
    during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is
    being called.

    Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids
    a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of
    the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in
    Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming
    unintelligible to a wider audience.

    Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened
    there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic
    "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that
    Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast
    merchandising resources for buying and delivering their
    gifts.

    One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at
    least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish
    children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after
    having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year,
    when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides
    appeared happy about this.

    A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a
    takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He
    merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the
    merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as
    an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for
    all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the
    competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by
    leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye
    Faithful."


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