Results 1 to 4 of 4
  1. #1
    Moderator BurgerBoy's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    jacked by sylon
    Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears
    Amazon Reviews:

    Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

    First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

    BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

    Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

    But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.


    I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

    I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

    Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

    Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

    If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.

    More here: Customer Reviews: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag

  2. #2
    Newbie Namvet4's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 23rd, 2013
    Heartland of the Shore
    Life lesson learned....Thanks !

  3. #3
    Join Date
    September 20th, 2006
    San Diego, CA
    Sorry for you, but humorous to me. Not the unfortunate episode but the writing style. What makes me not want to eat any of these is that I have been married 45 years!

  4. #4
    OPM and Moderator Chuck Hamrick's Avatar
    Join Date
    April 5th, 2005
    Park City Utah
    Hilarious! Here is a similar story that I remember from many many years ago. What did we ever do for humor before the Internet?

    Ryans Steakhouse Story

  5. Newsletter Signup

+ Reply to Thread

Similar Threads

  1. Join The Gummy Lump Toys Program on!
    By Greg Bennett - AffiliateWindow in forum Affiliate Window Program Announcements
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: October 12th, 2010, 10:42 PM
  2. Skin care and gummy bears
    By Carolyn - ShareASale in forum ShareASale - SAS
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: June 29th, 2009, 11:47 PM
  3. ok, where'd the bears go??
    By purplebear in forum Commission Junction - CJ
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: September 29th, 2008, 02:15 PM
  4. Go Bears!!!
    By Carolyn - ShareASale in forum Sports
    Replies: 34
    Last Post: January 21st, 2007, 10:37 PM
  5. The Bears Win!!!
    By rematt in forum Virtual Family and Off-Topic
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: January 21st, 2007, 09:20 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts