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  1. #1
    Pimp Duck popdawg's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Take off eh?
    To those about to introduce yourself to ABW...
    <PD Disclaimer> The following post expresses the views of Popdawg and Popdawg only.
    Popdawg welcomes and encourages new members, provided they are honestly and openly looking to join and participate in the ABW community and are not making posts as a way to build links or advertise programs, products or services in a roundabout manner to avoid paying for the ridiculously affordable advertising opportunities that exist on this site. Popdawg will not judge you in any way shape or form, however Popdawg may mock you if you suffer from symptoms such as stupidity, spammidity or the inability to understand his made up words and run on sentences. Any posts Popdawg makes should be taken with a gram of salt as he vents using poor attempts at humor, his coping mechanism. Be grateful he stopped thinking it was his groping mechanism. I'd like to thank the judge for understanding how that could be confusing and assure the court that will never happen again. Please do not take Popdawg posts with a gram of cocaine as that will end badly with Johnny Depp eventually starring in a movie about it. </PD Disclaimer>

    Maybe I am in a pissy mood or maybe I am tired of the flood of 1-3 post newbies who all seem to find each others posts and welcome them while often casually mentioning their own links ....
    Either way.
    Hi ABW,
    I am &&&&&&& from We provide $$$$$$ services
    If this is your intro, don't bother.

    It shows me the following:
    1. You don't know where you are - this gives me no confidence in your program.
    2. You don't know who we are - this gives me no confidence in your program
    3. You don't care enough to take a few minutes to familiarize yourself with the rules or the community which ... gives me no confidence in your program.
    4. You don't understand the difference between introducing yourself or advertising your company. - No confidence in your program given.
    5. You don't have a program and are simply trying to link build by forum spamming - giving me no confidence in your intelligence.

    Now, a post like this could turn you off, which may not be a bad thing or maybe it is. We don't know, because we don't know you.



    So, due to mounting frustration, increasing annoyance and yet with eternal optimism that the next 1 or 2 post newbie will turn out to be the next Leader or Sal or Geno or somebody with a dog themed username, I give to you a simple test to check your introduction post for [strikethrough]stupidity[/strikethrough] ... suitability.

    1. Did you use more than three words to describe your company and less than 4 words to describe yourself?
    Yes: Bad
    No: Good

    2. Did you tell us where YOU are from and YOUR personal background?
    Yes: Good
    No: Bad

    3. Did you complete number 2 WITHOUT mentioning a company you work for/with?
    No: ... maybe not the end of the world, depending on your #2.

    4. Did you bring donuts?
    Yes: I love you
    No: Are you willing to go get some?

    Look, I don't care if you're new, in fact I welcome it. We ALL were, as you can't be old without being new first and lord knows I feel old.
    Just please remember, first and foremost we are people and we want to be introduced to you, the person.
    We'll hear about your company later and if you get to know us and we get to know you, we'll have that warm and fuzzy associated with you that will most likely make us more open to hearing about it.
    Unless you're a douche, then it could go either way. Then again, I can be kind of douchey and they let me in so there is hope!!!

    If you haven't seen these, please check out some guidelines on your intro post.

    After all that, I guess I'll finish with Welcome to ABW!
    Can't wait to meet you and hear your story!

    And eat donuts. You brought some right?
    Been away, now I'm back. Not as much, but I'm back & starting from scratch. Where I was, was fantastic. Where I am now, less so. Things have changed, become harder. So have I. Game ON!!!

  2. #2
    Super Dawg Member Phil Kaufman aka AffiliateHound's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 22nd, 2007
    West Covina, CA

    He already has the top post of the year (maybe of all time) and now, perhaps the

    Newbies - read and understand. Please?

    Thanks, POP!!
    Since June 10, 2012 a vegan aarf but still writing the Hound Dawg Sports Blog
    "If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?" -John Wooden;
    "Raj, theres no place for truth on the internet." -Howard Wolowitz[/SIZE]

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  4. #3
    Pimp Duck popdawg's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Take off eh?
    Thanks Phil.
    Two new posts ... yours and one in This thread
    Where's the face palm emoticon?
    Been away, now I'm back. Not as much, but I'm back & starting from scratch. Where I was, was fantastic. Where I am now, less so. Things have changed, become harder. So have I. Game ON!!!

  5. #4
    Beachy Bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    November 20th, 2005
    That is a truly outstanding piece of narrative, PopD.

    Unfortunately many of the people who NEED to read what you wrote probably cannot read it. Those that are able to read it either are unable to understand it - or they simply do not care.
    Bill / Marketing Blog @ 12PM - Current project: Resurrecting my "baby" at South Baltimore..
    Cute Personal Checks and Business Checks
    If you are too busy to laugh you are too busy.

  6. Thanks From:

  7. #5
    OPM and Moderator Chuck Hamrick's Avatar
    Join Date
    April 5th, 2005
    Park City Utah
    Moved this to the Intro forum and stickied it! Also added it to the Nominations for next years Awards

  8. #6
    ABW Ambassador JoyUnltd's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 19th, 2005
    Emerald City
    Pay no attention to that woman behind the curtain. -Wizardress of Oz

  9. #7
    AM Marshall360training's Avatar
    Join Date
    June 25th, 2014
    Austin, TX
    I still owe y'all some doughnuts, I guess.

  10. #8
    Member askmewhy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    October 14th, 2014
    This actually made me laugh! Way to describe the rule )
    I haven't been along much to say if this is the best post here or not, but this is the best one I have read so far!

  11. #9
    Join Date
    December 5th, 2014
    All I can say is that I'm glad I read this before posting my introduction message.

  12. #10
    OPM/Moderator Hectic GHC's Avatar
    Join Date
    July 13th, 2006
    Roswell, GA

  13. #11
    Member AmericasFootprints's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 8th, 2014
    Monroe County, PA
    I appreciate the candid tips and suggestions for my introduction. Thank you! -Joe

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