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  1. #1
    ABW Ambassador Packy's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 17th, 2005
    Should kids witness a birth???

    It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child,
    was home alone with her 3 year old daughter, Katelyn.
    When Heidi started to go into labor she called "911".
    Due to a power outage at the time, only one
    paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the
    paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he
    could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as
    she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was
    born. The paramedic lifted him by his feet, and spanked him on his bottom.
    Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help, asked
    the wide eyed 3 year old Katelyn what she thought about what she had just
    witnessed. Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.

    Spank him again!"
    <IMG src=>

  2. #2
    ABW Veteran Student Heyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    an email I received:

    A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old
    rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it! You are all washed up and I'm taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his shotgun and BOOM!, he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Damn it, that's the third gay rooster I bought this month."

    Moral of this story ... Don't mess with the OLD FARTS!

  3. #3
    ABW Ambassador
    Join Date
    January 17th, 2005

    John had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day

    No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The
    guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a
    while he'd hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to
    reassure him:

    "John, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep
    with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're
    single. Let it go..."

    But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality:
    "John, you're a vet..."

  4. #4
    ABW Ambassador
    Join Date
    January 17th, 2005
    This isn't a "Joke", but it is funny! I got in email awhile back....

    In Sydney, Australia one of the radio stations pays money ($1000-$5000) for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. This one netted the winner $5000......

    I was due later in the week for an appointment with the gynecologist.

    Early one morning, I received a call from the
    Doctor's office to say I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 a.m. I had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was already around 8:45 a.m.

    The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

    As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits. But this time I wasn't going to
    be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the
    sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, put on some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
    I was in the waiting room only a few minutes before I was called in.

    Knowing the procedure, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended I was in Paris or some
    other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the Dr. said "My, we have taken a little extra effort this morning, haven't we?", but I didn't respond. When the appointment was over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.

    The rest of the day was normal - some shopping, some cleaning, some cooking, etc.

    After school, my six year old daughter was playing and she called out from the bathroom, "Mum, where's my washcloth?"
    I called back and said, "It's probably in the laundry - get another from the cupboard." She called back, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it."

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