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  1. #1
    ABW Ambassador webmarm's Avatar
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    For the last year and a half I've been trying to lend whatever support possible to friends of mine who had a very ill child. Monday morning she passed away.

    They lost a first one about 4 1/2 years ago.

    Pretty much I've called them every day for the last 1 1/2 years, went with them a few times to hospitals, did a lot of medline searches and info searches on the net, and tried to just do whatever they asked of me.

    I couldn't find anyone to go to the hospital Sunday night to allow the father to get out and get home (the first child died in his arms). I went until 2:30 am when I had to leave to make sure I was home before hubby left for work at 3:30 am.

    I've never been in an ICU before. I sort of hope I never see one again. It was a bit harder than I'd expected.

    I got home at 3:30 am, took a shower, maybe fell asleep by 4am and woke with a start at 6 am. Then the phone rang.

    I had to help with burial arrangements. Also because in many ways noone else was around. The person in our neighborhood responsible was nowhere to be found. I was going on two hours of sleep.

    I had always thought I'd be there for them after the death, but I am totally and completely emotionally overwhelmed right now. My husband, who helped with burial society work for years, has ordered me to take three days off. I think I'm going to listen to him.

    If I'm a bit quiet the next few days, that's why.

    I appreciate this board a lot. Thanks for listening.

  2. #2
    ABW Ambassador mousejockey's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry to hear the heartbreaking news.

    My thoughts are with you and the family,
    your hubby is right, take a break restore your spirit and body and try not to dwell on the why's.
    Peace webmistress.

  3. #3
    Affiliate Manager
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    WebMistress,

    I'm terribly sorry to hear that, and I wish I could say or do something to help ease the pain. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say our thoughts are with you and the parents.

    I have 2 young children, and I know I would be devastated if anything happened to them.

    My most sincere condolences,

    - Shawn

  4. #4
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    Webmistress,
    Our thoughts and prayers are with the parents and with you as well. I'd follow your husbands advice and take a few days off. I know it probably doesn't help right now, but I want you to know that friends like you are far and few between, and may God bless you for that. Again, our prayers are with everyone involved.

  5. #5
    Resident Genius and Staunch Capitalist Leader's Avatar
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    Prayers to you and the family.

    On your break (do take one), try to do some kind of activity where you can get distracted and not dwell on things...

  6. #6
    Content $ Queen Ebudae's Avatar
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    Webmistress, bless you for everything you have done. I am sure it meant so much to the family.

    Your husband is wise, take some time off. Will be sending prayers for the family and you.

    Vicki

  7. #7
    Full Member tmd5's Avatar
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    <<<<<< Hug >>>>>>

    [ 07-02-2002: Message edited by: tmd5 ]

  8. #8
    Millionaire on training wheels Justdoit's Avatar
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    Webmistress,
    Sorry to hear about all the sad news.
    You have shown yourself to be a compassionate and true friend.
    Please take some time for yourself to try to restore your compassion and spirit.
    My prayers are with you thru this hard time.

  9. #9
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    As a parent myself I can imagine the pain that this has caused to all concerned, and my thoughts and prayers go out to all of you.

    [ 07-02-2002: Message edited by: microdot ]

  10. #10
    Affiliate Marketing Consultant Andy Rodriguez's Avatar
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    Webmistress,

    When somebody dies, a cloud turns into
    an angel, and flies up to tell God
    to put another flower on a pillow.
    A bird gives the message back to
    the world, and sings a silent prayer
    that makes the rain cry. People dis-
    appear, but they never really go away.
    The spirits up there put the sun to
    bed, wake up grass, and spin the
    earth in dizzy circles. Sometimes you
    can see them dancing in a cloud during
    the day-time, when they're supposed
    to be sleeping. They paint the rain-
    bows and also the sunsets and make
    waves splash and tug at the tide.
    They toss shooting stars and listen to
    wishes. And when they sing wind-
    songs, they whisper to us, don't
    miss me too much. The view is nice
    and I'm doing just fine.

    My thoughts go out to you and their family...

  11. #11
    ABW Ambassador mousejockey's Avatar
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    That's beautiful Andy...
    (hugs WM)

  12. #12
    ABW Ambassador Packy's Avatar
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    WebMistress, I'm very sorry to hear about the bad news. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and friends.

    Andy, Very Nice!

  13. #13
    ABW Founder Haiko de Poel, Jr.'s Avatar
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    webmistress,


    My condoleces and ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))), you should take a break.

    Very touching quote Andy.

    Haiko

  14. #14
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    Webmistress - my prayers are with you and their family. That is so sad. Make sure you take care of yourself, because you are no good to others if you don't keep yourself mentally and spiritually well. God Bless.

  15. #15
    ABW Ambassador webmarm's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone. Beginning to get back to coping level. The first day afterwards, I was pretty incapable of anything. Unplugged my phone, did therapeutic house cleaning (ah, this is why my house is a mess. I don't usually need therapy), went shopping (you can take the girl out of California, but...) and had a chocolate milkshake with my youngest. Can you say reduced to teenage coping mechanisms?

    Yesterday I spent in my backyard clearing out rubbish that I'd sacked awhile ago and hadn't taken the bags out to the garbage, straightened, neatened, had a good time with the kids.

    Bought more flowers to plant today. Tried to teach a class I teach once a week, but it was pretty low energy for me.

    The hardest thing for me is that I'm used to coping, doing, and managing. Getting to the end of my rope is not a common occurance by me. Actually, I got to beyond the end of my rope. That in itself caused me a lot of disturbance.

    @MJ, the only "why" I really have is regarding other people and their lack of being available, especially if they were in positions of responsibility. Otherwise, I believe in one Creator of Heaven and Earth whose plans are beyond our ability to understand.

    I saw my friend yesterday, and she is doing as best as can be expected at this time. Actually, I think she is in coping mode now because she has to be for the rest of her family. I'll be able to be there for her soon, with a little more healing activities like planting some more flowers and starting a terraced area in the yard that I've been meaning to get to.

    Meanwhile, the watermelon and cucumber and calendula plants are growing, my kids are growing, and I pray that healing comes easily for everyone.

  16. #16
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    I'm glad to hear you sounding a lot better, Webmistress. My mother was ill for many years before she died last year. IMHO hanging in there for someone during a long illness is the toughest part, when all the other friends and family members seem to drop out of the picture. That's what you've done for your friend - been there for them during the toughest time. You've done far more for them than what most friends could or would have been able to do.

    Going beyond the end of your rope, and finding your way back, is indeed disturbing when it happens. Once you've recharged and recovered - as you are so wisely and unselfishly doing right now (IMHO taking time out for yourself is an unselfish act) - you'll come to regard the experience as having discovered a new threshold of what you are capable of coping with and be able to draw power and strength from it.

    Take care - and remember that taking care of yourself is another way of taking care of those that depend on you [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]

    [ 07-04-2002: Message edited by: eaglefire ]

  17. #17
    ABW Ambassador Abigail's Avatar
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    You sound like a wonderful friend, Webmistress. God bless you.

  18. #18
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    Sorry to be so late to this thread.

    (((((((((hugs)))))))))

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