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September 3rd, 2002, 08:39 PM #1
- Join Date
- January 17th, 2005
This fall, dress up that plain old orange jumpsuit with a do-rag dyed
with some ink you boosted from the license plate shop.
A shiv makes an excellent olive pitter. And vice versa.
Rat skins can be used to make adorable little bedroom slippers.
It's a good idea to have an adequate supply of your own blood stored in
dated Zip-Loc bags. You can keep them cool in your toilet tank.
A sock filled with rocks and tunneling dirt can produce a festive and
functional blackjack that can knock the eyebrows off a rhino.
Floating worthless stock certificates in the toilet turns the water a
pretty shade of blue.
A simple wall calendar comes in handy for keeping track of which Big
Mama owns you this week.
Nothing says "home" like a bologna welcome mat.
Assigned to the chain gang? Common herbs growing along the highway can
make a fragrant sachet that will brighten the atmosphere of your cell...
and confuse the bloodhounds' sensitive noses.
Improve the lines of that bulky orange jumpsuit by hand-stitching in
toilet paper shoulder pads.
In a pinch, fresh cilantro makes a great cigarette currency substitute.
Overhead lighting can be so harsh. Make a chandelier using an old bra
and stolen spoons.
A plea bargain can be judiciously used to reduce your overall decorating
costs, although it may mean spending the rest of your life avoiding
certain former friends.
Embroider your prisoner number on sheets and pillowcases for a personal
Make a lovely wreath from lint you steal from the laundry.
Save your empty cigarette cartons. You'll only need four or five to make
a shadow box that will lend a subtle accent to your hand-made shiv
Your cell bars can be charmingly tuned to different pitches, enabling
you to play "Do-Re-Mi" with a mess hall spoon.
You can create wonderful origami figurines using nothing but saliva and
September 6th, 2002, 04:18 PM #2
Today, her "Spokesperson categorically denied any wrongdoing" and "denied any allegation of insider trading".
There you have it. I have no reason to doubt a spokesperson.
BTW, One can knit a nifty hammock from navel lint in only three years...
"I spent most of my money on
Gambling, Whiskey and Women.
The rest I just wasted."
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