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  1. #1
    Full Member
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    399
    This fall, dress up that plain old orange jumpsuit with a do-rag dyed
    with some ink you boosted from the license plate shop.

    A shiv makes an excellent olive pitter. And vice versa.

    Rat skins can be used to make adorable little bedroom slippers.

    It's a good idea to have an adequate supply of your own blood stored in
    dated Zip-Loc bags. You can keep them cool in your toilet tank.

    A sock filled with rocks and tunneling dirt can produce a festive and
    functional blackjack that can knock the eyebrows off a rhino.

    Floating worthless stock certificates in the toilet turns the water a
    pretty shade of blue.

    A simple wall calendar comes in handy for keeping track of which Big
    Mama owns you this week.

    Nothing says "home" like a bologna welcome mat.

    Assigned to the chain gang? Common herbs growing along the highway can
    make a fragrant sachet that will brighten the atmosphere of your cell...
    and confuse the bloodhounds' sensitive noses.

    Improve the lines of that bulky orange jumpsuit by hand-stitching in
    toilet paper shoulder pads.

    In a pinch, fresh cilantro makes a great cigarette currency substitute.

    Overhead lighting can be so harsh. Make a chandelier using an old bra
    and stolen spoons.

    A plea bargain can be judiciously used to reduce your overall decorating
    costs, although it may mean spending the rest of your life avoiding
    certain former friends.

    Embroider your prisoner number on sheets and pillowcases for a personal
    touch.

    Make a lovely wreath from lint you steal from the laundry.

    Save your empty cigarette cartons. You'll only need four or five to make
    a shadow box that will lend a subtle accent to your hand-made shiv
    collection.

    Your cell bars can be charmingly tuned to different pitches, enabling
    you to play "Do-Re-Mi" with a mess hall spoon.

    You can create wonderful origami figurines using nothing but saliva and
    toilet paper.

  2. #2
    ABW Ambassador Doc Sawyer's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Southern California Desert
    Posts
    567
    LOL Excellent!

    Today, her "Spokesperson categorically denied any wrongdoing" and "denied any allegation of insider trading".

    There you have it. I have no reason to doubt a spokesperson.

    Case closed

    BTW, One can knit a nifty hammock from navel lint in only three years...

    Doc

    "I spent most of my money on
    Gambling, Whiskey and Women.
    The rest I just wasted."

    Dr-Fix-It!

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