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  1. #1
    ABW Ambassador
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    Was just cleaning up my desktop and found this. Somebody posted this awhile back. Feel free to add to it.

    Marketing Explanations

    1. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
    That's Direct Marketing.

    2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a beautiful girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed."
    That's Advertising.

    3. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
    That's Telemarketing.

    4. You're at a party and see a beautiful girl. You get up and straighten your suit. You walk up to her and pour her a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten her hair brushing lightly against her arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
    That's Public Relations.

    5. You're at a party and see a beautiful girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
    That's Brand Recognition.

    6. You're at a party and see a beautiful girl. You talk her into going home with your friend.
    That's a Sales Rep.

    7. Your friend can't satisfy her so he calls you.
    That's Tech Support.

    8. You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be beautiful girls in all these houses you're passing.
    So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
    That's Spam.

  2. #2
    ABW Ambassador
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    9. You kiss her, hug her and get her all excited then your roomate knocks you out of the bed and takes over.
    That's a Parasite.

    10. You have a fantastic night in bed and the next day say nothing happend.
    Thats a Reversal.

    11. You kiss her, hug her and get her all excited just to find out the Viagra isn't working.
    Server is down.

  3. #3
    ABW Ambassador phillyburbs's Avatar
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    Trust:
    Took several moments to respond because I was laughing soooo hard. Excellent!



    Karl Smith
    phillyBurbs - Your Internet Starts Here

  4. #4
    ABW Veteran jc101's Avatar
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    Laughing so hard... almost fell off my chair..

    _________________________
    Why am I doing this? when I could be wasting 40 years working for someone else?

  5. #5
    ABW Ambassador
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    12. You get all excited and move to the bedroom after a candlelit dinner. As things heat up he drops his trousers to reveal (on much closer inspection) that his credentials are much smaller than you could possibly have imagined.
    Partial Content.

    <font face=verdana size=1 color=43639C>Know Google as you know yourself and you will live to fight many battles - Sun Tzu</font>

  6. #6
    ABW Ambassador
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    13. You swallow a Viagra in the bedroom and to your horror discover that it isnt working and she kicks you out. When you get home you realise that you should have taken the pill much earlier and can't sleep due to the flagpole in your nether regions that wont go away.
    High Latency.

    <font face=verdana size=1 color=43639C>Know Google as you know yourself and you will live to fight many battles - Sun Tzu</font>

  7. #7
    ABW Ambassador Joey's Avatar
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  8. #8
    ABW Ambassador Joey's Avatar
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    You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You go up to her and fight with 10 other men over who wants her the most.
    That's ebay marketing.

  9. #9
    Affiliate Marketing Consultant Linda - 5starAffiliatePrograms's Avatar
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    You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with you
    AND your friend.

    That's Partner Marketing!

    You're at a party and see a handsome guy. you take him home. HE'S so good in bed, you email all your friends.

    That's TAF Marketing.

    All your friends get the email and get so worked up by all the juicy details that they
    forward it to all THEIR friends.

    That's VIRAL Marketing. and one heck of a lover!

    All these girls email this guy and ask for a date, because you told everyone how good he was and they all bought it!

    That's Affiliate Marketing!

    (I knew if I kept rolling with this I would find a way to turn it into affiliate marketing eventually!) Did I win the best post award yet?

    Linda Buquet :: Affiliate Management Consultant :: Catalyst eMarketing.com
    5 Star Affiliate Programs :: Top Paying/High-Integrity Merchants :: Visit ABW Forum
    <FONT COLOR=red size="1">EveryTicket Sports/Concert Tickets :: Irv's Luggage Warehouse :: Executive Essentials Office & Gifts:
    DentalPlans :: HealthPlans :: Avid Hosting :: IntellicontactPro :: zZounds Music :: Roadloans :: MORE!
    </font>

  10. #10
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    Go to same party above and brawl over the girl with the 10 guys. Brused & bloodied you discover she had strolled off with a smooth talking Parrot to parts unknown.

    Mike & Charlie ...

    If they won't adopt and feed a bird ..flip them one! BBQ some Gator and remember to flush WhenU..

  11. #11
    ABW Ambassador
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Catalyst:
    You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with you
    _AND your friend._

    _That's Partner Marketing!_

    You're at a party and see a handsome guy. you take him home. HE'S so good in bed, you email all your friends.

    _That's TAF Marketing._

    All your friends get the email and get so worked up by all the juicy details that they
    forward it to all THEIR friends.

    _That's VIRAL Marketing._ and one heck of a lover!

    All these girls email this guy and ask for a date, because you told everyone how good he was and they all bought it!

    _That's Affiliate Marketing!_

    (I knew if I kept rolling with this I would find a way to turn it into affiliate marketing eventually!) Did I win the best post award yet?

    Linda Buquet :: Affiliate Management Consultant :: http://www.catalystemarketing.com
    http://www.5staraffiliateprograms.com :: Top Paying/High-Integrity Merchants :: Visit http://abw.infopop.cc/6/ubb.x?a=frm&...9&f=4406070493
    <FONT COLOR=red size="1">EveryTicket Sports/Concert Tickets :: Irv's Luggage Warehouse :: Executive Essentials Office & Gifts:
    DentalPlans :: HealthPlans :: Avid Hosting :: IntellicontactPro :: zZounds Music :: Roadloans :: MORE!
    </font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
    Catalyst, You are extremely good at what you do but I think your are far better at comedic application. Maybe you should give it all up and become a comic. Watch out Degeneres. (I believe she takes friends to bed with her too)

    <font face=verdana size=1 color=43639C>Know Google as you know yourself and you will live to fight many battles - Sun Tzu</font>

  12. #12
    Affiliate Marketing Consultant Linda - 5starAffiliatePrograms's Avatar
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    Thanks DPG, I usually am pretty serious but I do have a sense of humor. Especially when it comes to some of my favorite subjects like sex and affiliate marketing.
    And when the rare opportunity comes along to combine them both in one thread
    look out!!!


    I had a couple beers which unleashed my creative "juices" but it's after business hours and so no one - not even the boss (me) can accuse me of making an unprofessional post!


    Linda Buquet :: Affiliate Management Consultant :: Catalyst eMarketing.com
    5 Star Affiliate Programs :: Top Paying/High-Integrity Merchants :: Visit ABW Forum
    <FONT COLOR=red size="1">EveryTicket Sports/Concert Tickets :: Irv's Luggage Warehouse :: Executive Essentials Office & Gifts:
    DentalPlans :: HealthPlans :: Avid Hosting :: IntellicontactPro :: zZounds Music :: Roadloans :: MORE!
    </font>

  13. #13
    Affiliate Marketing Consultant Linda - 5starAffiliatePrograms's Avatar
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    You're at a party and see a handsome guy.
    He tells you he owns a big hosting company.
    He talks you into going home with him.
    He takes a bunch of Viagra.
    He's up all night.

    Now that's what I call a GREAT Up-Time Guarantee!

    Ok that's it - I'm done. I'm about to ruin my reputation with all these "unprofessional posts" plus, I am cracking myself up!

    Speaking of cracks - where's Sandra?

    OK, I'm done - I'm reeeeeallllly done now!

    (DPG, you should not have encouraged me!)

    Linda Buquet :: Affiliate Management Consultant :: Catalyst eMarketing.com
    5 Star Affiliate Programs :: Top Paying/High-Integrity Merchants :: Visit ABW Forum
    <FONT COLOR=red size="1">EveryTicket Sports/Concert Tickets :: Irv's Luggage Warehouse :: Executive Essentials Office & Gifts:
    DentalPlans :: HealthPlans :: Avid Hosting :: IntellicontactPro :: zZounds Music :: Roadloans :: MORE!
    </font>

  14. #14
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    Someone guide Linda to the ABW chatroom...she's ready! 7-days will poor you another one on this vote counting night.

    LOL ..... "but I do have a sense of humor. Especially when it comes to some of my favorite subjects like sex and affiliate marketing."

    Does this encompass the job description of pimping for the Ad whores? Like the commission everything is negotiable. It's very hard to have sex while laughing ...try it

    Mike & Charlie ...

    If they won't adopt and feed a bird ..flip them one! BBQ some Gator and remember to flush WhenU..

  15. #15
    Newbie Affiliate Ian's Avatar
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    hey pretty funny stuff. I am going to print this and post it up in my office.

    Thanks!

    Ian Lee, M.Sc.

    Internet Marketing Strategist / Affiliate Manager
    EYI, Inc.
    ilee_NO_SPAM@eyi.us
    http://www.eyiproducts.com
    604-596-9766

    Personal Sites: ADS-Links.com | HealthCastle.com

  16. #16
    Affiliate Marketing Consultant Linda - 5starAffiliatePrograms's Avatar
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    OK Mike you just got my serious side!!!

    What do you mean by this???

    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Does this encompass the job description of pimping for the Ad whores?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
    I don't get it. This sounds like a serious cut and I don't like it!
    I don't work for any "Ad whores" and I have no idea what you are referring to!
    Please explain this comment which sounds very much like a put down to me.

    What are you on tonight???

    Linda Buquet :: Affiliate Management Consultant :: Catalyst eMarketing.com
    5 Star Affiliate Programs :: Top Paying/High-Integrity Merchants :: Visit ABW Forum
    <FONT COLOR=red size="1">EveryTicket Sports/Concert Tickets :: Irv's Luggage Warehouse :: Executive Essentials Office & Gifts:
    DentalPlans :: HealthPlans :: Avid Hosting :: IntellicontactPro :: zZounds Music :: Roadloans :: MORE!
    </font>

    [This message was edited by Catalyst on August 25, 2003 at 10:46 PM.]

  17. #17
    Web Ho - Design B!tch ~Michelle's Avatar
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    #?? You go to a party and you see everyone is taken, but thats ok, you will just sneak around and take what you want right out from under everyone's nose.

    Thats Ebates Marketing!

    (Could also have something to do with bending over and taking it elsewhere too.. )

    ~Michelle

    ****************************
    "All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy."

    "Work to become, not to acquire." -- Confucius

  18. #18
    Web Ho - Design B!tch ~Michelle's Avatar
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    Or

    After getting caught with your co-workers girl, you promise to behave, only to get caught again. But that's ok, cause it was caused by a glitch in your line of thinking.

    That's Ebates Marketing

    ~Michelle

    ****************************
    "All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy."

    "Work to become, not to acquire." -- Confucius

  19. #19
    Full Member
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    You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say your fantastic in bed, you get him interested.
    You show him a little more, he decides to take it, you got him in the mood.
    He looks around the room one more time, and leaves, with someone else...

    That's Amazon's market place.

    I'm doing it

  20. #20
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    You’re walking down the street. A beautiful woman runs up to you and says that her ex is chasing her, and that if you would help her escape she would invite her supermodel girlfriends over to your house for a night of passion that you would never forget.

    That’s Nigerian Marketing.

    Jason
    “I get on my knees and pray, we don’t get fooled again!” – Who said that? I said that!

  21. #21
    ABW Veteran jc101's Avatar
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    Anyone else has any jokes? Lets keep them going!

    xtremeshopping.org: making a difference all over the world!

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