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  1. #1
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    January 18th, 2005
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    224
    96 year-old-woman's bank war...
    I got this in an e-mail.
    Enjoy!
    -------------------------------------------------------------



    96 Year old wrote this Letter to the Bank:

    Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

    Dear Sir:

    I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

    I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire retirement check, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

    You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

    My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

    From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
    My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

    Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

    Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits ! but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

    As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press the buttons as follows:

    1. To make an appointment to see me.
    2. To query a missing payment.
    3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
    4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
    5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
    6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
    7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.
    8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
    9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then
    be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

    Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

    May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year. Your Humble Client

  2. #2
    Full Member Travelin Man's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    409
    That's great! I bet she got the bank's attention. I hate those automated machines and would rather talk to a live person. I found a trick that works sometimes to get around the stupid machines.

    I was on the phone a few days ago with my health insurance company and got the usual press 1 for this and 2 for that but this system had voice recognition. So I just started rambling throwing in a few choice words and presto...I got a live person. Sweet!

    TM

  3. #3
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    January 18th, 2005
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    Yeah. I hate that everything's become so impersonal. The big corps are training us to sit patiently on the phone, listening to automated crap that they installed to take the place of real workers.

    What really flipped my lid was when I read that the IRS outsourced our income tax returns (with all out confidential information) to India!

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