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  1. #1
    Newbie ampalian's Avatar
    Join Date
    February 3rd, 2005
    Cheltenham, UK
    In the beginning, God created ...
    In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and
    populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow
    and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy

    Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice
    Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
    And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add
    some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

    And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the
    figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the
    wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size
    6 to size 14.

    So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented
    Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the
    side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

    God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive
    oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
    chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained
    more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

    God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food
    Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named
    it "Devil's Food."

    God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose
    those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so
    Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed
    and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

    Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
    with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
    starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

    God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
    still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its
    99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man
    replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And
    Man went into cardiac arrest.

    God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

    Then Satan created HMOs

  2. #2
    ABW Veteran Mr. Sal's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005

    Gordon saw God five days ago here:

    so you're late!

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