Men & Women

- 1 -

A woman is explaining the kind of man she wants at a dating service:
"He has to be polite, he has to have various interests, he has to know how to have a good conversation, he has to know whatís going on around the world, and he has to never interrupt me."
"You donít need a man, madam, you need a TV!"

- 2 -

Q: Why are women worse than the mafia?
A: The mafia demands money or your life; women want both.

- 3 -

During a museum tour the guide explains, "Here you can see the statue of MinervaÖ".
"Excuse me, madam," a visitor interjects. "Who is that man behind her? Is he her husband?"
"No, Minerva wasnít married: She was the goddess of wisdom."

- 4 -

A group of men manage to get themselves to a small island in the ocean after surviving a ship disaster. The next morning they see a group of women, apparently from the first lifeboat, on a small island a few hundred yards away. The men become excited and get right down to work, discussing their next actions.
"Letís swim there right now," say the men in their twenties.
"No, letís build a raft first. We can use that to get there," say the men in their thirties.
"Donít hurry, guys," say the men in their forties. "Letís wait for a few hours and the women will get here themselves."
"Why bother at all?" say the men in their fifties. "We can watch them from here!"

- 5 -

"Can you spare some change?" a beggar asks a passerby.
"No, I know youíre going to spend it all on vodka."
"No, sir, I donít drink."
"Then youíll gamble it away."
"No, I donít gamble either, sir."
"Well then, youíre going to spend it on women."
"No, sir, I donít spend money on women."
"Okay," the passerby finally agrees, finally. "Iím going to give you 100 rubles, if you come with me. I want to show my wife an example of what can happen to a man who has no bad habits."