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  1. #1
    pph Expert! Gordon's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    Edmonton Canada
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    The Pilot and the stewardess
    A packed jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on
    its final approach.

    The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on
    our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us
    today and I hope you enjoy your stay wherever you travel in beautiful
    Canada."

    He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can
    hear his conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot,
    Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto?" Well," says the skipper,
    "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap.....then I'm
    gonna take that new stewardess with the great t*ts out for
    dinner.....then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room
    and bang her all night."

    Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking
    up and down the aisles trying to get a look at the new stewardess.
    Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane.
    She's so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the
    cockpit to turn the intercom off.

    Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and
    down she goes. The old lady leans over and says, "No need to hurry dear.
    He's gotta take a sh*t first."
    One day parasites and their ilk will be made illegal, I bet a few Lawyers will be pissed off when the day comes.
    Mr. Spitzer is fetching it nearer

    YouTrek

  2. #2
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    St Clair Shores MI.
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    17,328
    Thanks for the laugh from the Politically Correct spokesperson in Canada
    Webmaster's... Mike and Charlie

    "What have you done today to put real value into a referral click...from a shoppers viewpoint!"

  3. #3
    Member KrisKringle's Avatar
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    January 27th, 2005
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    90
    Here's another

    Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check.

    In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his log book out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa's flying skills to the test.

    The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and even Rudolph's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for sled's enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the check ride. Santa got in and fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness and checked the compass.

    Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.

    "What's that for?!?" Asked Santa incredulously.

    The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time," as he leaned over to whisper in Santa's ear, "but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."

    HoHoHo

  4. #4
    Affiliate Manager
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    February 28th, 2005
    Location
    Mississauga, Ontario, Canada
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    146
    Well...on the topic of Pilots and Flight Attendants...Here's yet another...

    While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window.

    "Good Lord!" he screamed. "One of the engines just blew up!"

    Other passengers left their seats and came running over. Suddenly, the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order!

    Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. Most of the passengers seemed to feel better on hearing this, and they sat down as the pilot walked to the front of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crewmember attached the package to their backs.

    "Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't those s?"

    The pilot said, "Yes, they are."

    The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"

    "There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded.

    "We're just going to get help."

  5. #5
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    ROLMAO ...the proverbial Golden Parachute
    Webmaster's... Mike and Charlie

    "What have you done today to put real value into a referral click...from a shoppers viewpoint!"

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