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March 16th, 2005, 12:10 AM #1men and women
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they
will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw
in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have
anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving
cream, razor, bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she
10. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty
the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret
fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in
two people remembering the same thing.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying
a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither
of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard
of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."One day parasites and their ilk will be made illegal, I bet a few Lawyers will be pissed off when the day comes.
Mr. Spitzer is fetching it nearer
March 16th, 2005, 12:50 PM #2
When a woman loves a man she wants no one else in her life, when a man loves a woman he tries to find 2-3 more for the inevitable day he hurts her feelings.
Last edited by inflatemouse; March 16th, 2005 at 12:52 PM. Reason: spelling error
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