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  1. #1
    Newbie Ouch's Avatar
    Join Date
    April 11th, 2005
    How to give a cat a pill
    1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
    holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
    mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and

    2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
    left arm and repeat process.

    3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
    paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
    with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

    5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
    spouse from garden.

    6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
    rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
    Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
    figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

    Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
    visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
    mouth open with and blow down drinking straw.

    9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer
    to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
    beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head
    showing. Force mouth open with desert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
    elastic band.

    11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
    hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
    compress to cheek and check records for tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12) Call fire department to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across
    the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
    avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

    13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
    and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves
    from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be
    rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat
    to wash pill down.

    14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
    emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

    15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local
    pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

    How to Give A Dog A Pill...

    1) Wrap it in bacon.
    Last edited by Kellie aka Ms. B; April 11th, 2005 at 09:50 PM. Reason: Sig Removal

  2. #2
    The Eternal Optimist zimmy's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    That was good - sounds similar to our experience in trying to give our cat a bath.


    The big shots are only the little shots who keep shooting.
    -Christopher Morley

  3. #3
    Affiliate Manager
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Wow, I must have a good cat. I had to give him two pills a day for the past 3 weeks and haven't had a single problem

  4. #4
    Animal Lover
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    You could try asking your vet if they would suggest compounding the drug for you - they can pretty much make up whatever they want nowadays - tuna flavor can be added and it makes pill popping a lot easier for some cats. Others seem to be so picky that they won't be tricked into it. The trick is to pop the pill so it sits as far back onto the tongue as possible, then hold their jaws shut, give their nose a bit of a blow to encourage them to swallow.


  5. #5
    Resident Genius and Staunch Capitalist Leader's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    I knew it would be big trouble as soon as I read "cradle it like a baby..." Haw haw--disaster cometh!!

    There wasn't the option to have the vet add tuna flavor when I had to deal with cats. So, the technique was:

    1. Lean over the monster (realize it's a monster BEFORE even starting! Ignore any cuteness!), reach left arm around and grab front forelegs, both with left hand, like holding a bundle. Apply enough weight to its back end so that it can't get rear paws up high enough to hit anything (don't suffocate it though).

    2. Force mouth open with other hand. It helps to have some dexterity built up. The more fights the monster loses, the more chance you'll have to practice and get nimble fingers.

    3. THEN do what Oscar said.

    4. Don't let go right away. Let that automatic KILL response you've just initiated in the cat dissipate!

    5. Once the cat doesn't seem quite so homicidal, let go quick and jump out of range all in one motion. Don't be slow on that "jump" part either--you might have miscalculated its anger!

    Just one of the reasons I never intend to own another CAT!

    Dogs are much easier, in that regard...
    And in this regard, too:

    sounds similar to our experience in trying to give our cat a bath.~Zimmy
    I used to start by wrapping each arm in 2 thick towels, and 2 or 3 pairs of gloves for my hands (thin fabric, thick fabric, then rubber)...I didn't need much real skill with that much armor on!
    There is no knowledge that is not power. ~Hemingway

  6. #6
    ABW Ambassador Nova's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 17th, 2005
    Poor cat! LOL...

    buy tuna starkist (1 can can be use four times)
    crush the pill
    use a quarter of tuna
    mixed the crush pill on tuna

    and you'll have a happy and well cat ! :-)

    What COC stand for? Crooks Overwriting Commission
    Don't worry tracking is Infected

    Live life to the fullest, You only get 1 chance. Enjoy it while you can... Nothing last forever!

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