Results 1 to 21 of 21
  1. #1
    Super Sh!t Stirrer SSanf's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    9,944
    North vs South
    Having lived up thar long enough to call my cognitive abilities into question, I found this quite funny.



    The North has coffee houses.............The South has Waffle Houses

    The North has dating services,..........The South has family reunions.


    The North has switchblade knives.....The South has Lee Press-on Nails


    The North has double last names......The South has double first
    names.



    The North has Ted Kennedy.............The South has Jesse Helms.


    The North has Indy car races............The South has stock car
    races.



    The North has Cream of Wheat.........The South has grits.


    The North has green salads...............The South has collard greens


    The North has lobsters.......................The South has crawdads.


    The North has the rust belt.................The South has the Bible
    Belt...


    FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH............


    In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch,
    don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup
    truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't
    try to help them, just stay out of their way. This
    is wat they live for.


    Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in
    the same store....do not buy food at this store.


    Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural,
    and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.


    Get used to "You ain't from round here, are ya?"


    Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be
    instructed later on how to use it.


    Don't be worried at not understanding what people are
    saying. They can't understand you either.


    The first Southern statement to creep into a
    transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective
    "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy.. Most Northerners
    begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All
    of them are in denial about it.


    The proper pronunciation you learned in school is
    no longer proper


    Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid
    defense here.


    If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch
    this." you should stay out of the way. These
    are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.


    If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of
    even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence
    is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't
    matter whether you need anything or not. You just have
    to go there.


    Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own
    their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and
    their mammas taught them how to aim.


    In the South, we have found that the best way to grow
    a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it
    a driveway.


    AND REMEMBER:


    If you do settle in the South and bear children,
    don't think we will accept them as
    Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in
    the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.


    Have a good day! Send this to four people that
    ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will
    turn into a country music song 'fore you know it.
    Your relatives would get a kick out of it too
    Comments are opinion unless otherwise noted. Remember, pillage first. Then burn. Half of all people in the world have IQs under 100. You best learn to trust ol' SSanf!

  2. #2
    ABW Ambassador
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    4,423
    All I know is when I moved to New Orleans, people called me a yankee. And I was confused, I was like - I hate the yankees, I am an indians fan what the hell are you talking about?

    Northerner's think about the south the way most american's think about canada - we don't.

    chet

  3. #3
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Mansfield, TX
    Posts
    16,232
    And don't forget that you have to learn to pronounce things right when you move down here:

    Guide to Southern US Pronunciation

    1.) HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.

    2.) HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi, Hire yew?"

    3.) BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

    4.) JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage:"My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck and took it to Lanner."

    5.) BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayam. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

    6.) MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

    7.) THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

    8.) BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

    9.) IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"

    10.) RANCH - (noun)- tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

    11.) ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

    12.) FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

    13.) TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

    14.) TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

    15.) RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

    16.) FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

    17.) RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

    18.) CHEER - (adverb) In this place. Usage: "Just set that bare rat cheer".

    19.) FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

    20.) DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."

    21.) ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas containing oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ARE!"

    22.) BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

    23.) JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

    24.) HAZE a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."

    25.) SEED -(verb) - past tense of "to see". Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City".

    26.) VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

    27.) GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."
    Michael Coley
    Amazing-Bargains.com
     Affiliate Tips | Merchant Best Practices | Affiliate Friendly? | Couponing | CPA Networks? | ABW Tips | Activating Affiliates
    "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." Nelson Mandela

  4. #4
    Chick with Brains Tracy's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Polk County, Florida
    Posts
    1,878
    But you left out something important on the list ...

    I'll never forget this. While I was living in Tuscaloosa, Alabama ... many, many years ago ... my cousin from New Jersey had to business in Montgomery. I drove down and picked her up for a weekend visit with me. When I asked her if there was anything in particular she would like to see while she was down in Alabama, she replied .... "A REDNECK."

    So ... The South has Rednecks.

    Not sure what the North has to compare against. Hoodlums?

  5. #5
    Super Sh!t Stirrer SSanf's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    9,944
    OOOOOH!

    You just ticked off the entire redneck ethnic group who I am told are fine upstanding and hard working citizens who have red necks from laboring outside in the sun providing the produce and products we all depend upon for sustenance! Y'all best take that back!
    Comments are opinion unless otherwise noted. Remember, pillage first. Then burn. Half of all people in the world have IQs under 100. You best learn to trust ol' SSanf!

  6. #6
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Mansfield, TX
    Posts
    16,232
    RULES IN THE SOUTH

    1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how
    to use it.

    2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba."
    You have a 75% chance of being right.

    3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't
    stay home the two days of the year it snows.

    4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the
    cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain
    will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of
    their way. This is what they live for.

    5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

    6. Do not buy food at the movie store.

    7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let
    alone eating.

    8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's"
    is plural possessive.

    9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern
    accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.

    10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

    11. People walk slower here.

    12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't
    understand you either.

    13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
    Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol,'" as in "big ol'
    truck" or "big ol' boy." Eighty-five percent begin their new
    Southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred
    percent are in denial about it.

    14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

    15. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.

    16. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the
    last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.

    17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay
    out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

    18. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those
    who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a
    southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when
    the car was purchased.

    19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their
    car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

    20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait
    until November.

    22. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most
    minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the
    local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from
    the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.

    23. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase
    one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This
    is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than
    the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

    24. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in
    common. In either Case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.

    25. Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more
    Yankees than Southerners living there.

    26. In southern churches you will here the hymn, All Glory, Laud and
    Honor. You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy,
    "Good Laud," and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy."

    27. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly
    in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a
    model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and
    lane position for the vehicle.

    28. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know
    the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying
    to find it yourself.
    Michael Coley
    Amazing-Bargains.com
     Affiliate Tips | Merchant Best Practices | Affiliate Friendly? | Couponing | CPA Networks? | ABW Tips | Activating Affiliates
    "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." Nelson Mandela

  7. #7
    Full Member webpartner's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    317
    Listen hee ah now…

    Y’all better be rednecks if y’all ‘gone a talk like ‘is…
    First off we don’t take to yankees ‘round hee ah right off…

    They’s like hemmorids… they’s a pain in the ass…
    And they come down and won’t go back up…

    As a proud citizen of the great state of Jaw ja… I thank yall’d
    otta have a redneck dictionary with ya afore you get cheer…
    At way ya’d know how ya otta talk… it teaches ya real words… like

    “Master pieces”… as in…
    Ya say a dog did ‘dis…? Yea… he tore m aster pieces…

    Y’all come back now… ya hee ah…
    <Font size="1" color="99000">Never doubt anybody's word for anything... but... Always double check everything... - Grandpa</font>

  8. #8
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
    I decide when the pigs fly!
    Rhea's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    New York, USA
    Posts
    6,195
    Well, Florida does have its share of southerners, but they mostly live in north Florida. In particular they can be found in the panhandle. They have their own unique way of speaking.

    Tallahassee = Tal-hassee
    Pensacola = Pence-cola
    Florida = Floor-duh

    They drop all internal syllables comprised of a single vowel.

    I never met anyone in the south who I couldn't understand but I was once utterly flummoxed by a gas station attendant in Buzzards Bay, Massachusetts. Apparently he understood me just fine.

  9. #9
    I like traffic lights
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Southern hemisphere - away from Fukushima
    Posts
    2,936
    28). ID as in... State Trooper:"Got any ID son?" Redneck:"'bout waat?"

  10. #10
    ABW Ambassador
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Nunya, Business
    Posts
    23,684
    I have to be careful around my gf sometimes. She is straight up southern, born and raised in the southern state we live in now. She calls me a yankee sometimes even tho i have no discernible accent. I've lived in Germany for about 12 years, Orlando 12 years, Atlanta 3 years, Ft. Campbell KY 1 year, Upstate NY 1 year, so really only 1 year up North. And sometimes i'll see a commercial or she'll say something and i'll start doing a Southern accent, i try to stop but sometimes i can't, i walk a fine line

  11. #11
    Chick with Brains Tracy's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Polk County, Florida
    Posts
    1,878
    Quote Originally Posted by SSanf
    OOOOOH!

    You just ticked off the entire redneck ethnic group who I am told are fine upstanding and hard working citizens who have red necks from laboring outside in the sun providing the produce and products we all depend upon for sustenance! Y'all best take that back!
    Nah .... I think Jeff Foxworthy has more to worry about than I do. With all his "You might be a redneck if ..." jokes.

  12. #12
    Super Sh!t Stirrer SSanf's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    9,944
    All I know is that the ABW redneck ethnic group friends and supporters can get mighty bent out of shape if you disparage their friends and kin!

    THAT is well established!

    Wait! Come to think of it, didn't all the redneck ethnic group supporters get banned???
    Comments are opinion unless otherwise noted. Remember, pillage first. Then burn. Half of all people in the world have IQs under 100. You best learn to trust ol' SSanf!

  13. #13
    Full Member webpartner's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    317
    Nope… not all got banned... there’s a few us still around…

    And we know the difference between there, their, and they’re…
    As well as we’ll, and wheel, and even though we know how to
    make mash, we know that’s not the same as mashing a button…

    And too, (meaning also, not to or two) we don’t beat our dogs,
    but we sometimes love to dance to a good beat… and some of us
    eat beets… but not me… I hate beets…

    When it comes to linguistics, the English language
    is the most difficult language in the world to master…
    It’s easier for an English speaking person to learn a foreign language
    than it is for people of any other language to learn English…

    If I write “bass”… what am I talking about…? In Georgia, it’s a fish
    and it rhymes with "ass"… In New York… It’s a fat fiddle or a guitar…
    and it rhymes with "ace"… but if I write “base”… it can’t be a bass fiddle
    even though it sounds exactly the same…

    Or how about a word like “cast”…. I had one on my arm once…
    I’ve been in the cast of a show… And I love to cast my line in
    a promising fish pond… You can’t say “you casted a stone”…
    You “cast” a stone... both present and past tense… But, you can
    be casted in a play… and cast away is not the same as castaway…

    Consequently, I have no problem with how anyone anywhere
    chooses to interpret our language… I also have no problem with making
    fun of stereotypes... Southern or otherwise, as long as it’s done in
    the spirit of good natured fun… I do it myself all the time…

    But, there is one thing I’m real curious about… How come some of
    y’all don’t want to mention your state in the location option?

    Y’all know I’m from Jawja… Michael’s from Texas, Kellie’s from
    Louisiana, Haiko...New York… How about the rest of y’all? Skeered?

    How can we make fun of your accent if we don’t know where you’re from?

    Personally I like the New Jersey accent… They "pauk their cah by the
    coib to visit their goil friends…" ‘course that could be just in Trenton…

    And remember… if your mama doesn’t take the cigarette out of her mouth
    before she tells the state trooper to kiss her ass... you might be a redneck...
    <Font size="1" color="99000">Never doubt anybody's word for anything... but... Always double check everything... - Grandpa</font>

  14. #14
    Super Sh!t Stirrer SSanf's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    9,944
    Yer right about our language being a tough one.

    I want to add to all the remaining red neck supporters, I am glad you are here! Just like athletic supporters, I don't want to see y'all banned.
    Comments are opinion unless otherwise noted. Remember, pillage first. Then burn. Half of all people in the world have IQs under 100. You best learn to trust ol' SSanf!

  15. #15
    Full Member webpartner's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    317
    Outstanding Sandra… that’s a very good example…

    It’s hard to tell whether (not weather) you’re talking about
    football fans or jock straps… don’t ‘ja just love the English language…

    BTW, did I mention that I used to be in a rock banned…?
    <Font size="1" color="99000">Never doubt anybody's word for anything... but... Always double check everything... - Grandpa</font>

  16. #16
    Eternal Optimist Look4's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Home base: Pennsylvania
    Posts
    438
    [QUOTE=Tracy
    So ... The South has Rednecks.

    Not sure what the North has to compare against. Hoodlums?[/QUOTE]

    I got the pun. Good one.
    Tom C.
    [URL=http://www.cafepress.com/simplesignshop]Simple Sign Shop[/URL]

    Every day leave someone or something better than you found it.

  17. #17
    Full Member
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    224
    A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: “So, where y’all from?”

    The girl from New York said: “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.”

    The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: “So, where y’all from, *****?”
    "Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't...You're right!" -Henry Ford-

  18. #18
    Member KrisKringle's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 27th, 2005
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    90
    Ever heard this at dinner?....I do....

    "Fixin' ta get a coke, ya'll want one?"
    "Yup"
    "What kind?"
    "Dr. Pepper"

  19. #19
    Full Member
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    224
    Yep
    Ever heard this at dinner?....I do....

    "Fixin' ta get a coke, ya'll want one?"
    "Yup"
    "What kind?"
    "Dr. Pepper"
    Yep. All the time. Here in Texas most folks won't say: "I'm going to the supermarket. Does anyone want something?"

    They say: "I'm fixin to go to the store. Ya'll need anythang?"

    Had a neighbor lady who moved here from Boston. She went to the corner store, and as she was leaving, the clerk said: "Ya'll come back now." So she turned around and went back in.

    Heard a story about another Bostonian and a Texan. They were talking, and the Bostonian asked; "Do you have P.S.D.S.?
    The Texan said "What???"
    The Bostonian repeated: "Do you have P.S.D.S.?"
    The Texan said:"I don't know what you're talking about!"
    The Bostonian leaned over, grabbed her earlobe, and said: "You know...P.S.D.S.!" (Pierced ears)
    "Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't...You're right!" -Henry Ford-

  20. #20
    Member KrisKringle's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 27th, 2005
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    90
    P.S.D.S !!!! A Classic!! Thanks to everyone for the laughs!

  21. #21
    Marketing Mistress Lectrickitty's Avatar
    Join Date
    June 15th, 2005
    Location
    Broken Bow, OK
    Posts
    336
    Wink
    Quote Originally Posted by MichaelColey
    RULES IN THE SOUTH

    28. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know
    the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying
    to find it yourself.

    Only a yankee would ask for directions in the south cause all southerners know that you can't get there from here. You always gotta go someplace else first!

  22. Newsletter Signup

+ Reply to Thread

Similar Threads

  1. Hello from south Texas
    By RRack in forum Introduce Yourself
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: October 28th, 2010, 11:16 AM
  2. Salutations From The South
    By carmenblack in forum Introduce Yourself
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: September 21st, 2006, 09:27 PM
  3. Greetings From South Carolina
    By dataminer in forum Introduce Yourself
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: November 15th, 2005, 12:20 PM
  4. Here's another one going south
    By jarec2001 in forum Midnight Cafe'
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: July 23rd, 2002, 07:20 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •