Got these in an email a couple of weeks ago, but Gordon seems to have left some out.

So I will post them instead.


When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the
room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.

She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."

"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"


One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her
class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.

She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is
falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.


A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber
chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake

The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."