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  1. #1
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
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    Calculus Joke
    Two mathematicians were having dinner in a restaurant, arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. One mathematician claimed that this average was woefully inadequate, the other maintained that it was suprisingly high.

    "I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a simple math question. If she gets it right, I'll pick up dinner. If not, you do," He then excused himself to go to the men's room, and the other called the waitress over.

    "When my friend comes back," he told her, "I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to respond 'one third x cubed.' Can you remember that?" She agreed.

    The cynic returned from the restroom and called the waitress over. "The food was wonderful, thank you," the mathematician stated. "Incidentally, do you know what the integral of x squared is?"

    The waitress looked pensive; almost pained. She looked around the room, at her feet, made a gurgling noise, and finally said, "Um, one third x cubed?"

    So the cynic paid the check. The waitress wheeled around, walked a few paces away, looked back at the two and added, "plus a constant."
    Michael Coley
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  2. #2
    Lone Ranger muddyboots's Avatar
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    You gave me some serious flashbacks to derivatives with that one.
    Dennis Duffy
    Slavin' over a hot keyboard for nickels & dimes ... and nobody understands what I do.

  3. #3
    Fear and Arrogance jrrl's Avatar
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    Ah calculus.

    I miss school.

    -John.
    There's a reason army's wear uniforms even though it makes them easier to spot. Sometimes that's what you want. Uniforms suggest organization, power, and numbers. These, in turn, inspire fear. And, as any good operative knows, there is no more effective weapon than fear.

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  4. #4
    pph Expert! Gordon's Avatar
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    Ah calculus.

    thank God I never went to school.
    One day parasites and their ilk will be made illegal, I bet a few Lawyers will be pissed off when the day comes.
    Mr. Spitzer is fetching it nearer

    YouTrek

  5. #5
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
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    If you miss school, you might want to look into OpenCourseWare at MIT. It's basically free not-for-credit classes. Most have notes, sample tests, etc. Some classes even have videos.
    Michael Coley
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  6. #6
    Half Crazed Mommy stephfoster's Avatar
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    A few posters I used to have in my room:

    Please don't drink and derive.

    Please obey the laws of physics. Violators will be persecuted. Repeat offenders will be awarded Nobel Prizes.
    Last edited by stephfoster; July 2nd, 2005 at 04:45 PM. Reason: typo

  7. #7
    Resident Genius and Staunch Capitalist Leader's Avatar
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    That joke is proof that not all geeks are into math. Biology, sure, genetics specifically, better yet (and something I'm aiming to learn more of)...English is good, history's okay too...but calculus?? For that, I'm with Gordon
    There is no knowledge that is not power. ~Hemingway

  8. #8
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
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    Yeah, but without calculus, you miss good jokes like this.
    Michael Coley
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  9. #9
    Plazan Merchant Neil's Avatar
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    i thought that calculus was them big spikey plants that you found in the desert .. TAXI FOR NEIL
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  10. #10
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    Actually, I thought studying calculus was a lot of fun.

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  11. #11
    Resident Genius and Staunch Capitalist Leader's Avatar
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    I did get the joke well enough to smile... it's easy enough to tell what the writer was "getting at" despite the lack of knowing the specifics.

    Quote Originally Posted by Neil
    i thought that calculus was them big spikey plants that you found in the desert .. TAXI FOR NEIL
    Naw, calculus is that stuff that the dental hygenists scrape off of teeth at the 6-month cleaning (aka "tartar").
    There is no knowledge that is not power. ~Hemingway

  12. #12
    Moderator leeann's Avatar
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    I thought it was the stuff that comes off your heels when getting a pedicure.
    leeann


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  13. #13
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
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    Yeah, I guess it is pretty simple to see the humor in it, even if you don't know calculus from a plant in the desert. Basically, the waitress knew the right answer and the mathemetician told her an incomplete answer. (Every integral has "plus a constant".)
    Michael Coley
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  14. #14
    Full Member garystarling's Avatar
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    Great timing for me - I am taking a maths course at the Open University in the UK and was just finishing an assignment on some very nasty calculus integrals, which actually were causing me huge problems. So I sent this joke with my paper to my tutor, it may get me a couple of implicit as opposed to explicit extra marks! - Thanks!

    [one of the questions was find in implicit form, the general solution of the differential equation - dy/dx = 12y^4/3 sin x cos^5 x - yuk]

  15. #15
    Moderator BurgerBoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Julius
    I dont get it.
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  16. #16
    More Cheesier Than Ever Cheesehead's Avatar
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    Bring on the Taylor Polynomial Jokes!
    This World is Not My Home
    We're gonna go inside, we're gonna go outside, inside and outside. . . And then we're gonna go go go and we're not gonna stop til we get across that goalline! Quotes from the movie Rudy, 1993

  17. #17
    More Cheesier Than Ever Cheesehead's Avatar
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    Another Math Joke
    A mathematics student had just finished his Ph.D. in Princeton, and he was looking for jobs. After a year with no success, he finally landed a job with the zoo as a zookeeper. One day, the bear in the zoo died. The zoo was facing the same financial crisis as the universities, and so they could not afford to buy another bear. So they asked the student to dress up in a bear costume and pretend that he was a bear. The salary they offered was definitely an increase, and so he took this job. He was put into a cage, and with time he became very good at imitating a bear.

    However, he had one worry. The bars between his cage and the next cage were loose. And in the next cage was a very ferocious looking lion. One day, his worst fears were realized, and the bar broke loose. The lion jumped through the bars, and ran up to the student. Extending his paw, the lion exclaimed, "Hi, I'm Phil, a physics major from Stanford."
    This World is Not My Home
    We're gonna go inside, we're gonna go outside, inside and outside. . . And then we're gonna go go go and we're not gonna stop til we get across that goalline! Quotes from the movie Rudy, 1993

  18. #18
    Plazan Merchant Neil's Avatar
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    NOW !..
    thats better....,. you see ... it was`nt a real lion.. get it .. LOL.
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  19. #19
    Full Member c4's Avatar
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    A bit late, but anyway...

    Quote Originally Posted by MichaelColey
    (Every integral has "plus a constant".)
    Not true, only the indefinite integrals have it. I admit, I'm still a student
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  20. #20
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
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    Nerd!
    Michael Coley
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  21. #21
    ABW Ambassador erninator's Avatar
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    Cool
    Quote Originally Posted by muddyboots
    You gave me some serious flashbacks to derivatives with that one.
    Last week a client that I'm designing a house for requested that I specifiy a log beam to hold up the roof over his living room. My BeamCheck software only went up to a 20" diameter log and "failed". I had nowhere to turn but my college calculus book. Blew the dust off and went to work on it. After half a day of frustrating over it I told him to use the square, glu-laminated beam because the mill couldn't find a tree big enough for the job.
    ~Ernie

  22. #22
    ABW Ambassador webmarm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MichaelColey
    If you miss school, you might want to look into OpenCourseWare at MIT. It's basically free not-for-credit classes. Most have notes, sample tests, etc. Some classes even have videos.
    None of the Mathematics courses are current! Whaaaaaaa! I have a hankering for a good course on projective geometry! Whaaaaaa!


    I don't remember anything about how to solve an integrals any more, though I'm sure if I opened old texts it would come back to me. I always loved calculus, the concepts if not the actual crunching. I have a bizarre lacuna that arithmetic is really rough for me (I need to count on my fingers or use a calculator), but WHAT to do with the numbers clicks pretty well. As the years go by, the only subject that would still interest me for more "coursework" would be math.

  23. #23
    ABW Ambassador Snib's Avatar
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    Even with 2 years of high school calculus and 1 year in college I was still scratching my head on this one. Really had to strain my brain to remember something about + C.

    - Scott
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