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August 7th, 2005, 03:56 PM #17 reasons not to mess with children.
I just got this in an email I thought it was funny enough to share with you guys.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human
because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it
was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she
asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
Thou shall not kill."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at
the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands
of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your
hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make
me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher,
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position
the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school
for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made
a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.One day parasites and their ilk will be made illegal, I bet a few Lawyers will be pissed off when the day comes.
Mr. Spitzer is fetching it nearer
August 7th, 2005, 05:23 PM #2
lol, very funny. My buddy sent me this one a while back:
On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!'
The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his seat.
Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in the third grade!'
Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem. The principal and the first grade teacher told little Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which grade he belonged. Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of.
The teacher suggested they try some biology questions... 'What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?' asked the teacher.
'Legs!' Larry immediately replied.
"What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn't?' asked the teacher.
'Pockets!' said Larry.
The teacher looked at the principal, who said, 'Maybe he should be in third grade, I missed those last two questions!'
August 8th, 2005, 12:04 AM #3
August 8th, 2005, 09:48 AM #4
- Join Date
- February 28th, 2005
- Mississauga, Ontario, Canada
Great ones Gordon...You always know how to make us laugh!
August 8th, 2005, 11:33 AM #5
Very funny, thanks!Following everyone else is a GREAT way to become average.
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