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August 9th, 2005, 06:54 PM #1
Scientists discover new element
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- January 18th, 2005
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A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium."
Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as the Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
August 10th, 2005, 02:30 AM #2
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- August 4th, 2005
August 10th, 2005, 05:42 AM #3Originally Posted by webworker
Well, when I place several samples of Governmentium under a powerful microscope with resolution of 0.5 angstroms, it is observed that one reaction takes several years to complete. The average has been four years, instead of the four days that you report. Another related interesting phenomenon that was observed is.. After the life of the reaction producing Governmentium, another Governmentium is produced that would essentially negate the earlier Governmentium's actions.
August 10th, 2005, 06:17 AM #4
For some reason, certain reactions affected by Governmentium, while never reaching the speed of those unaffected by it, seem to increase their speed tremendously when it nears its natural half-life of 4 years. However, if the desired reactions do not appear to be nearing completion at the 4 year date, Governmentium has been known to spontaneously destabilize, and be replaced by the new Governmentium as described above.
However, if the desired reactions are almost complete at the half-life, the Governmentium will normally restabilize and persist for another 4 years before this destabilization occurs.
Once the restabilization occurs, all reactions affected by Governmentium have been known to cease utterly for the remaining duration of its existance.There is no knowledge that is not power. ~Hemingway
August 10th, 2005, 07:56 AM #5
You should never let two Governmentium particles collide with each other. We once tried & the result was beyond our wildest imagination. Our state-of-the-art radiation measuring instrument wasn't capable of measuring what came out from the collision.
August 10th, 2005, 03:17 PM #6
What is particularly strange is that Governmentium atoms react differently depending on their geographic position.
Those located on the North American continent have a tendency to re-organize every 4 or 8 years like clockwork.
Governmentium atoms on the European contintent may remain unchanged for 10 or more years - or - may be dissolved unexpectedly with little or no notice as has happened recently in a German laboratory. It is believed that this is because the morons within the Governmentium atoms found in Europe are clustered into many nearly identical sub-groups known as Consortiums. These Consortiums grow and shrink in size, with morons and peons moving to and from them, causing instability within the Governmentium atoms. Only through the occasional dissolving and re-forming can the Governmentium continue impeding progress of the other atoms around it.Tom C.
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