Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 28
  1. #1
    A Real *and* Darn Cool Member! lstolze's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 23rd, 2005
    Posts
    822
    Angry Help!!
    WARNING....parenting vent ahead!

    What do you do when your stubborn, independent, opinionated 22-month old starts his terrible twos?!?! He was too smart for his own good before, but now he is fury unfurled! At the post office this morning he went ballistic because he wanted to be picked up and I had my hands full. He grabbed my legs, head-butted me, and then threw himself to the floor screaming. He even smacked his head into the counter - on purpose! People were just staring and mumbling. I was really proud of myself because I 'somehow' managed to remain calm and talk to him. But jeez, I was embarrassed. He's always been very active, but generally a good boy. How the heck do you handle it when they do this? One day, I actually ended up telling some woman off because she had the nerve to butt in. He wanted this , which I was going to buy for him. I took it away, calmly telling him I needed to pay for it, but would give it right back. He freaked! So this woman tells me, "He thinks you're taking it from him." Ummmm...duh?! Thanks! I never would have thought that. I calmly ignored her, knelt down and explained to him so she and others could hear, that he needed to be patient or I would not get him the . He kept it up. This woman then says to him, "Don't worry, you'll get it back." At this point I told her quite frankly to mind her own business, because she was making it worse, and undermining my parenting - something I don't let ANYONE do, including my husband. I don't believe in giving in just because he's screaming. I don't care how many perfect strangers are annoyed by his tantrums. I have an obligation to help my child be the best he can be...even if that means being the 'bad guy'. I have NO obligation to perfect strangers and their 'comfort level'.

    But I really wish I knew what the right way to deal with this is. I'm going crazy!!

    Thanks for listening!

    L
    ~Lisa - Brilliant Mastermind, or Nut? You decide!

  2. #2
    Internet Cowboy
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    4,662
    Lisa,
    NO WAY that the same cute kid in all those photos you posted is acting up. You must be imagining things as this perfect angel of a child is simply incapable of acting like you say he did.


  3. #3
    Crazy like a fox suzigeek's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    1,096
    I here ya loud and clear. My son will be 3 in January and unlike his sister he will have a fit when like you I have to pay for something in the store i.e. take it away from him.

    I do the same thing you do and F" the people around me.

    I believe you are doing the right thing. I have seen results...some days my kids are sooo good and don't have the gimmees at all when we go run errands that I'm shocked (because we will be in close proximity to may toys that they usually would beg for)!

    But then I realize its because of those times when I've stuck to my guns and don't give in that they finally realize they aren't getting anything by behaving that way.

    So you go girl !!

    It is tough but you sound like you have the patience(?) to deal...
    Suz~~GearGirl~~

  4. #4
    ABW Ambassador
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    4,053
    Lisa, he only does this performance in public places with people around, right?

  5. #5
    Pimp Duck popdawg's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Take off eh?
    Posts
    3,249
    aaahhhhh yes ... the terrible twos.

    At our house we learned to count to 5.

    If daddy actually made it to 5, watch out.
    Somehow we rarely made it to 5 ... hit 4 a lot though lol

    just remember this one thing ... keep three sticks of butter at room temperature and the bathtub clean and empty. It only takes one time in the buttered tub to effect change.

    Oh and one other thing, no matter how much you are tempted, duct tape will not help!
    Your child that is, does wonders for busybodies trying to tell you how to parent












    ...










    Ok ok I admit it, the buttered tub and the duct tape are things I never did ... but I sure thought about them a lot
    Smile, grin, bear it and when needed, drink.
    You aren't the first, you won't be the last and you aren't alone
    ================================================================
    Been away, now I'm back. Not as much, but I'm back & starting from scratch. Where I was, was fantastic. Where I am now, less so. Things have changed, become harder. So have I. Game ON!!!
    ================================================================

  6. #6
    A Real *and* Darn Cool Member! lstolze's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 23rd, 2005
    Posts
    822
    Thanks for your confidence, Scott! And thanks for the encouragement Suz. I wish I had the patience of a saint, but I'm afraid one day I'll snap and just leave him in the store. LOL!

    webworker, actually, he will do this at home too. Just a little over a week ago, he would primarily do this at home, and act like an angel around everyone else. But recently the tantrums are worse, and he'll throw them anywhere. I started thinking on when he's done some of his worst tantrums, and quite a few have happened shortly after something scares or upsets him (other than not getting his own way). This morning at the post office, he was scared by a car that was pulling in as I was getting him out of the car. I did carry him into the post office because he freaked, but couldn't manage the whole time as I was one-arming him in a 10 minute wait line. The other time was in the craft store - he saw a scarecrow witch Halloween decoration that freaked him out. Shortly after, bingo.

    And he's been having trouble sleeping lately to. Maybe he has anxiety problems...?
    ~Lisa - Brilliant Mastermind, or Nut? You decide!

  7. #7
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    St Clair Shores MI.
    Posts
    17,328
    LOL ... It's like in that AIG commercial. He's just trying to get in touch with his inner self. At least he's cute and full of spirit.
    Webmaster's... Mike and Charlie

    "What have you done today to put real value into a referral click...from a shoppers viewpoint!"

  8. #8
    AM Navigator Geno Prussakov's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 10th, 2005
    Location
    Washington D.C. Metro Area
    Posts
    11,798
    Quote Originally Posted by lstolze
    What do you do when your stubborn, independent, opinionated 22-month old starts his terrible twos?!?! ...How the heck do you handle it when they do this? ...I don't care how many perfect strangers are annoyed by his tantrums. ...I have NO obligation to perfect strangers and their 'comfort level'.
    You don't, my friend! You know I have a 22 mos old. ...and sometimes she drives me nuts. Very seldomly. But sometimes she does. And you know what works best in these moments? Just taking her up in my hands and telling her how much her Daddy and her Mommy love her. It really does work!!

    G.

  9. #9
    Defender of Truth, Justice and the Affiliate Way
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    The Swamp
    Posts
    7,503
    It's why they call them the terrible two's. My Mom had the "hand of doom". She'd tell us the hand of doom was about to fall and start counting to 3. We laugh about it now because she never got to 3. We asked her what she would have done and exactly what was the hand of doom and she just died off laughing and said she had no idea. But it worked.

    They also had the 'boogey stick' (we actually named it). It was just a cypress knee, but for some reason we thought it possessed some type of supernatural powers. My parents never told us anything about it. But we were scared of that cypress knee. They picked up on it real quick. We'd be goofing off at dinner not eating and they would just sit it in the middle of the table and not say a word. You never saw 4 kids shut up and starting eating so quickly. They'd put under the driver's seat of the car when we went on trips too. Although to this day I suspect there were times when it really wasn't in the car with us. LOL.

    When you find what does work, stick with it.

  10. #10
    Internet Cowboy
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    4,662
    Does eBay allow the sale of children? LOL
    I just had a vision of a section of two-year-olds for sale on eBay. I guess there would be a corresponding section for 4 and 5 year-olds for resale once they have emerged the terrible twos.
    Sorry......funny thought only. DO NOT sell your child on eBay!


  11. #11
    Defender of Truth, Justice and the Affiliate Way
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    The Swamp
    Posts
    7,503
    Lisa read this to feel a bit better about your parenting adventures. http://forum.abestweb.com/showthread.php?t=52497

  12. #12
    ABW Ambassador lola's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Winnipeg, Mb
    Posts
    566
    That episode you had sounds like shopping with princess bee-itch (<-- her msn messenger name), my 15 year old, and usually involves some peice of skanky clothing, and she doesn't get it after a tantrum.


    ABW should have a parental complaint section
    Last edited by lola; October 11th, 2005 at 03:53 PM. Reason: Thats a downer

  13. #13
    Pimp Duck popdawg's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Take off eh?
    Posts
    3,249
    ahhhhhh .... memories
    It's amazing how much enjoyment I get from that day now, compared to, well, that day.
    Thanks kellie
    ================================================================
    Been away, now I'm back. Not as much, but I'm back & starting from scratch. Where I was, was fantastic. Where I am now, less so. Things have changed, become harder. So have I. Game ON!!!
    ================================================================

  14. #14
    A Real *and* Darn Cool Member! lstolze's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 23rd, 2005
    Posts
    822
    LMAO! Thanks everyone! And I'm so glad I'm not the only one. Poor popdawg! You're lucky your wife rocks. Bodily functions are the worst 'emergencies'. Karl's had some real doozies... but surprisingly, he's NEVER peed on me! Just on the dog, on the floor, in the tub, on himself...LOL.
    ~Lisa - Brilliant Mastermind, or Nut? You decide!

  15. #15
    Super Sh!t Stirrer SSanf's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    9,944
    Personally, I think you should give him a reason to want to behave and mind you when you say something.

    I am kind of old fashioned. A swift smack on the place provided with a firm "No, no!" has always worked well for past generations and I do think it would work just as well for this one.
    Comments are opinion unless otherwise noted. Remember, pillage first. Then burn. Half of all people in the world have IQs under 100. You best learn to trust ol' SSanf!

  16. #16
    Affiliate/AM Moonlighter dflsports's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 17th, 2005
    Posts
    874
    BTW, it does not get easier I have a 5 year old (soon to be 6 and I have been the stay at home parent for all 5.95 years) that was the same way. And he is still quite a handful. I do the counting to 5 thing and that works, most times, but not always. I have gone as far as dropping all my items (if shopping at Target or similar place) grab my son, throw him over my shoulder and leave.

    Luckily my youngest son, just past 2 years old, is alot more mellow but even he has his moments. I think your approach with a calm voice is good as I find when I shout, it really does not have any better affect than calmly telling the kids to behave.

    Occasional spankings have occured as well

  17. #17
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    12,360
    OY OY OY Lisa - good luck. I thought 2 was bad ... try 17!!!!! It gets a lot better for about 10 years and then falls to shit all over again. :-)

    I have been chanting:

    "Children need love most when they deserve it least" over and over. It's very true although near impossible to put into practice.

    OK, so what I did at the stage you're in was immediately remove my child from wherever we were and let them know it was totally unacceptable behavior. I've left a cart full of groceries in the middle of the market, walked out of a movie, etc. many times. They got it. No going back on your word. Consistency is key. 'No freaking tantrums in public!!!" It carried over to the home, too. Once they know you'll drag their sorry little butts outta the desired location (where the desired prize resides ...) they understand the concept of 'knock it off or else ...' As long as they know you mean business and stick to your guns, they'll get it rather quickly.

    By the way, your son is doing his "independence dance." It's normal and better that he's doing it than not. Maybe not better for you but he's doing what he has to in order to understand how to live in the world without being attached to Mom 24/7. Teaching him not to be a jerk is vital if you want him to have friends and be happy later in life. I've told my kids that I'm helping them so that in the future, people will like them and that only their dad and I HAVE to love them, no one else does so figure it out.

    Hang in there. It ain't one bit easy as all the other parents here have said. I'd rather battle a pool of sharks than ever have another child. What TORTURE! LOL
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  18. #18
    More Cheesier Than Ever Cheesehead's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Land of The NFL Champs!
    Posts
    2,942
    Don't let them be disrespectful toward you or any other adult, ever.

    Love them and give them your time and attention.

    They will turn out fine!
    This World is Not My Home
    We're gonna go inside, we're gonna go outside, inside and outside. . . And then we're gonna go go go and we're not gonna stop til we get across that goalline! Quotes from the movie Rudy, 1993

  19. #19
    Outsourced Program Manager Chris -  AMWSO's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Bangkok
    Posts
    11,273
    Whooo Hooo. I'm, just coming out the other end of this, Alex is three in 2 weeks

    The reason most kids at this age have issues is due to understanding, through from 0 to 2 they got everything they wanted, milk, food, a hug and now they can walk around, hit the shops, see toys and WANT everything. Of course they can't understand why they can't HAVE everything right now.

    So I think it's impotant to educate them, use a stern word and slapped fingers when needed and use the old "We're leaving. Bye!" and walk away.... Alex soon learned to stop complaining and come dashing after us shouting "SORRY DADDY!"

    Try making him pay for things to, kids very quickly grasp the concept of money, not what is't value is, but that you need money if you want things from the shelf.

    Alternatively.... earphones some good music, dark shades, coat with a big hood and shuffle around in an anonymous daze while he learns that shouting achieves nothing.

    Cheers

    Chris
    Affiliate Marketing by AMWSO. Skype - chrissanderson ::: TEL 1-720-336-1784 ::: www.amwso.net
    Join our affiliate programs :Vaper Empire, Iolo, Art of Tea, or See ALL our Programs here

  20. #20
    Half Crazed Mommy stephfoster's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    99
    My daughter didn't hit her terrible 2s until just before she turned 3. Just about like someone hit a switch. She's coming out of that already, thank goodness, at about 3-1/2. Now she'd rather just tell me everything is a secret.

    "What did you do in preschool today?"

    "I can't tell you, Mommy, it's a secret!"

    I thought I had until she was older to wonder what she was up to at school!

  21. #21
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
    I decide when the pigs fly!
    Rhea's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    New York, USA
    Posts
    6,195
    I'm having the woman's mid-life equivalent of the terrible-twos.

    Hubby has figured out exactly what to do when I have the occasional temper tantrum. He patiently waits for me to get it out of my system, then when I apologize profusely he gives me a big hug.

    Not sure if that works with two-year olds though.

    Look at it this way, it's good practice for when he hits puberty.

    Sorry Lisa, if that isn't the most cheering advice.

  22. #22
    MasterMike HardwareGeek's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    3,810
    Spike his milk with RUM and watch him sleep like a baby

  23. #23
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    12,360
    Cheesehead and Chris have great answers. Amen to both. :-)

    Oh, have a date with hubby once a week. Have a nice dinner out, a few cocktails and cut loose. Makes life with kids easier to bear and you don't lose your mind ... as much.
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  24. #24
    Member
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    166
    LOL I've got visions of a buttered tub with a boogey stick dangling from the ceiling dancing around in my head.

    Thanks for the laugh....it's been one of those days

  25. #25
    A Real *and* Darn Cool Member! lstolze's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 23rd, 2005
    Posts
    822
    Hmmm...date night. We've never had one (since Karl), and have no idea when we will. We have no babysitter, no relatives near by, and no friends to speak of. We are literally alone in a sea of toddler angst! Talk about stress on a marriage... Yikes!

    I do like the idea of duct tape.....
    ~Lisa - Brilliant Mastermind, or Nut? You decide!

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •