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  1. #1
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
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    Rhea's Avatar
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    You might live in the boondocks if...
    You might live in the boondocks if...

    You can't get home delivery of The New York Times. (Especially exasperating when you actually live in New York.)

    There aren't any streetlights for three miles in any direction from your house.

    When you give directions to visitors you say something like, "If you pass a field full of goats you've missed your turn."

    There aren't any fire hydrants but everybody has a wood stove.

    You have a well and a septic tank.

    Deer are a bigger nuisance at your bird feeders than the squirrels are.

    There's only one city in your county and you've seen deer there, too.

    Town Hall is only open half days, three days a week.

    There's only one stoplight in town and it's a blinker.

  2. #2
    Resident Genius and Staunch Capitalist Leader's Avatar
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    You have a well and a septic tank.
    That's about all the ruralness that's left of our boondocks
    There is no knowledge that is not power. ~Hemingway

  3. #3
    Full Member bwc's Avatar
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    . . . if your toilet has no flush handle

  4. #4
    ABW Veteran Mr. Sal's Avatar
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    You might live in the boondocks if...
    For those like me that don't know what the hell was the boondocks.

    Here is the answer:

    boondocks = A remote and undeveloped area.

    But, if you want to know where Rhea live, here is her address: Zone 5a, USA.

    That's between the North Pole and the South Pole, next to zone 5 but, before zoneb, USA.

    If you need her zip code, just go to the near boondocks and ask for Rhea.

    .
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    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    I'm sorry Rhea but, since I didn't knew what a boondocks was, I made this post.

  5. #5
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
    I decide when the pigs fly!
    Rhea's Avatar
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    No problem, Sal. Here's a map to my house:


    I live in the light green area, but remember, if you pass a field full of goats you've missed your turn!

    http://www.usna.usda.gov/Hardzone/ushzmap.html
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  6. #6
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    You live too far away for pizza delivery

  7. #7
    ABW Veteran Mr. Sal's Avatar
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    I just noticed we're neighbors!


  8. #8
    Affiliate Manager
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    -You blink and then realize that you just drove past town...

    -The town is a ghost town at 9 P.M. On A Saturday Night...

    -The stop lights in town have "Stop" - "Caution" - "GO" written on them...

    -The "hangout" is in front of the Tracker Auto Parts store...

    -The High School is also the Elementary & Middle School too...

    -No matter who drives by your house they honk their horn and wave, even if they don't know you...

    -The biggest drunk in town is your school principal...

    -The fire department gets lost trying to find the house that is on fire.
    (I kept seeing them turn around and drive in circles)

    -The town video rental is in a persons basement that just has a bunch of recorded movies on VHS tapes...

    -The schools and work places allow more "hunting days" then they do "sick days."

    -You tell someone something at 9 a.m. and by noon the whole town knows about it.

    -You realize that you have no next door neighbors.

    -The news is at your house because they want to interview you about the kids that hit the horse on the road by your house.

    -You have to drive to the next town to get fast food. If you don't eat it there it is cold by the time you get home with it.

    -You see the police cars from the next town flying by with their sirens on because your own towns police are out hunting.

    -You look on the map and can't find your town on it.

    -A power outage occurs after a gust of wind.
    Last edited by Chet_B; November 16th, 2005 at 06:01 AM.

  9. #9
    Full Member bwc's Avatar
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    'scuse me mam? mam??? I'm lost in the dark brown area . . .

  10. #10
    More Cheesier Than Ever Cheesehead's Avatar
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    Here's a couple more:

    -Your front door key is lost and you don't bother to replace the lock for a few years
    -People driving in front of you switch to the lane of opposite traffic to make a left turn

    This World is Not My Home
    We're gonna go inside, we're gonna go outside, inside and outside. . . And then we're gonna go go go and we're not gonna stop til we get across that goalline! Quotes from the movie Rudy, 1993

  11. #11
    Affiliate Miester my2cents's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheesehead
    Here's a couple more:

    -Your front door key is lost and you don't bother to replace the lock for a few years
    yep.... that's why I dont have a key to my house
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    that's my2cents, 'cuz I'm a legend in my own mind....

  12. #12
    Analytics Dude Kevin's Avatar
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    - Your mailing address has a RR in it instead of a street name.

  13. #13
    notary sojac Herb ԿԬ's Avatar
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    our town is so small we have a deal with a neighboring one: we share the village drunk and the village idiot.

  14. #14
    ABW Ambassador Ron Bechdolt's Avatar
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    Oh, my garsh, I'm in that light green area too!

    (checking to see if there is a handle on my toilet)
    Ron Bechdolt | Affiliate Program Management Consultant
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  15. #15
    notary sojac Herb ԿԬ's Avatar
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    Cool
    I'm in the darker green area, where most of the houses are 5 rooms and a bath.
    You're in the area where most of the houses are 5 rooms and a path.

  16. #16
    Affiliate Manager inflatemouse's Avatar
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    I used to live in the olive green area.
    Pro: neither the sheriff department nor the nearest police department had jurisdiction over our property
    Con: neither the city nor the county would put us on their garbage route and both tried to charge us for water.

  17. #17
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
    I decide when the pigs fly!
    Rhea's Avatar
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    HEY!

    We have indoor plumbing. We just have to provide our own water (well) and dispose of our own waste (septic system).

  18. #18
    ABW Ambassador Paul_Ward's Avatar
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    I honestly thought the Boondocks was an actual place - maybe near the Adirondacks? Another well cherished myth dispelled.


    We had to get a new front door lock last time we went on vacation as we'd lost the key since we last locked it - the last time we went on vacation. Does that count?

  19. #19
    ABW Ambassador erninator's Avatar
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    Where your brother-in-law comes from. I can tell he's been here when the toilet ain't flushed and the cat's pregnant.
    ~Ernie

  20. #20
    Resident Genius and Staunch Capitalist Leader's Avatar
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    Here's some more:

    The town's Big Embezzlement Case involved a farm stand.

    If someone cracks up their car (no injuries/minor accident), the responders are: 2 sherriff squad cars, 2 paramedic trucks, a fire truck, and at least 1 volunteer fireman in a civilian pickup.

    It's a "sherriff." The police are in the "city" 5 miles away.

    Said "city" has TWO WHOLE BLOCKS of businesses instead of 1/2 a block. It has 1 grocery store.

    Hm looks like there's still some remaining boondockyness after all


    -You have to drive to the next town to get fast food. If you don't eat it there it is cold by the time you get home with it.

    -A power outage occurs after a gust of wind.
    Yep, and yep!
    There is no knowledge that is not power. ~Hemingway

  21. #21
    Marketing Mistress Lectrickitty's Avatar
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    Ok you guys, here's what it's like in MY boondocks... lol

    I keep a generator out back cause the electric goes out real often and we are the LAST place on the list for the electric company to fix the lines.

    When I bought my house I kept waiting to get the key to the door.They had lived here for 55 years and never had a key to the door.

    I'm in the middle of a big circle where there's more horses than people. If you want a new horse around here, just go out in the hills and catch a wild one. Take it home (if you can) and tame it.

    Fences are made to keep cattle OUT.

    You better slow down when you come to a curve in the road cause there's probably at least one cow standing in the middle of the road in the spot that's hardest to see.

    The UPS driver knows everyone by name. He has to cause EVERYONE'S address is 100 Main St. Boondocks, USA.

    I'll take a picture from my front porch tomarrow. Then you can see what I see every morning.
    [color=blue]"Those who give up their freedom for a little security deserve neither freedom nor security" - Benjamin Franklin[/color]

  22. #22
    notary sojac Herb ԿԬ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lectrickitty
    Ok you guys, here's what it's like in MY boondocks... lol


    I'm in the middle of a big circle where there's more horses than people.
    OK, in my corner of the Boondocks we have more horses' asses than horses!

  23. #23
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
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    Rhea's Avatar
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    Wild horses? That's pretty cool.

    We have bears, moose, coyotes and one report of a mountain lion in our neighborhood. The horses are kept in paddocks.

    We don't have our own police force or a sheriff. The state police are responsible for all the towns around here. Most government services are provided by the county. As far as I can figure out our taxes primarily go to our school system (which is regional and considered the best in the county) and snow removal. We have a public library which is partly volunteer and partly paid for by the town and the state. Downtown consists of four buildings at a crossroad. The only social venue is the VFW hall.

    But it's so damn beautiful here you can hardly believe it. One picture postcard view after another.

  24. #24
    Domain Addict / Formerly known as elbowcreek Thomas A. Rice's Avatar
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    No blinkers, though we do have half a dozen stop signs. Out my back door is an 80 acre field ( someone else's, unfortunatly ) .
    Following everyone else is a GREAT way to become average.

  25. #25
    Marketing Mistress Lectrickitty's Avatar
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    My front yard is brown and ugly this time of year, but in the spring it's a heavenly view!

    <img border="0" src="http://forum.abestweb.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=420&stc=1">

    Well shoot! My picture won't show up.

    If you want to see my front yard you'll have to click the link below....
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    [color=blue]"Those who give up their freedom for a little security deserve neither freedom nor security" - Benjamin Franklin[/color]

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