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  1. #1
    Plazan Merchant Neil's Avatar
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    I had to go to the police station tonight.
    About 3 months ago I was driving in the tourist area
    when I saw a guy I new, kind of a semi friend.
    so I stopped to say hello.
    He looked a bit down and was carrying 2 bags full of clothes.
    so I got chatting, he told me had lost his job at one of the hotels
    which meant he lost his accommodation as well.
    I asked he was ok and did he need any help, he said it was ok
    he was going to stay with a friend, so I gave him my cell number and said if he got stuck to give me a ring.
    He was a cook, and drank to much, that's why he lost his job.
    Tonight I got a call from the police station asking who I was and could I go to the police station straight away.
    so I went.
    When I got to the station they told me that they had found the dead body
    of a man in an empty house, he had been dead for around 2 months, they only found him as someone in the occupied house next door noticed the smell.
    He had nothing but a cell phone number in his pocket.
    Yes mine... Once they started to tell me what he kinda looked like,
    it clicked in my head who he was.
    They are now trying to contact his family back in the UK.
    I feel so bad that I never took him to my house that day..
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  2. #2
    Canadienne extraordinaire Susan's Avatar
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    Geezus Neil, what a story! While I was reading it, I felt my stomach lurch realizing where it was going. Hindsight is an amazing thing but your friend made the choices he did and even if you had taken him in, who knows what the future would have been?

    It does put everything into perspective though, doesn't it? Makes me want to rush home and tell my kids (and my parents, siblings and all my friends) how much I love them and that life's too bloody short to worry about the small stuff.

    I've read your posts Neil, you're a good man!
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  3. #3
    AM Navigator Geno Prussakov's Avatar
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    Wheeeeeeeeeeew.... What a story. Don't know how I would've felt if I were in your shoes...

    Don't feel bad, man. At least you've given him your phone number, and were open to help...

    Geno

  4. #4
    Pimp Duck popdawg's Avatar
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    You stopped, talked and offered a hand.
    That's all you could have done, he still had to take it.
    Truly sad.
    ================================================================
    Been away, now I'm back. Not as much, but I'm back & starting from scratch. Where I was, was fantastic. Where I am now, less so. Things have changed, become harder. So have I. Game ON!!!
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  5. #5
    ABW Ambassador
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    Neil, alcoholism is a progressive and fatal disease. No one is responsible for anyone else's drinking, nor can anyone else do anything to stop the drinker or protect them from the inevitable consequences of their disease.

    That's what Alanon teaches to friends and family of alcoholics

    http://www.al-anon.org

    It takes the person in question recognizing that they have a problem and then wanting and seeking a solution.

    You offered your help, and could possibly have leveled with him about his problem, given the chance, and directed him toward finding help. He refused, so you did all you possibly could have.

  6. #6
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    Peace,

    Rexanne

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  7. #7
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    Wow, I sit here about 30 minutes from a delicious Thanksgiving Day meal and this story really makes me think about just how lucky I really am.

    You did much more than many would have, Neil. Sorry you had to go through this but popdawg said it well in the post above.

  8. #8
    ABW Ambassador Paul_Ward's Avatar
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    Neil, we can all beat ourselves up over stuff we could or think we should have done.

    Sounds like you already did more than anyone else this guy knew and like someone said - you were there but were turned down. I think you can - and should - rest easier than maybe you are doing. It does start to put things into perspective though.

  9. #9
    Resident Genius and Staunch Capitalist Leader's Avatar
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    What Popdawg said. When you had seen him, he had told you he already had a place to stay lined up. And, he hadn't lost your number, so he could have called on you later on--but he didn't call. So there's nothing more you could have done.
    There is no knowledge that is not power. ~Hemingway

  10. #10
    Moderator BurgerBoy's Avatar
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    Neil

    IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!

    His choices made it happen - not yours.

    Do not blame yourself for what happened.

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  11. #11
    Prince of Content Vinny O'Hare's Avatar
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    Dont beat yourself up Neil, Think about this maybe you did help him. Without your cell phone number the cops would not know who he is and his family would never know what happened to him. He had your number if he chose to use it and didn't.
    Vinny O'Hare - OPM - Contact Info email: vinny at teamloxly.com ~ 702-582-6742 Twitter

  12. #12
    pph Expert! Gordon's Avatar
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    Don't beat yourself up over it Neil, you did make him an offer it was up to him to accept it. Its a sad story but I recon it happens hundreds of times a week.
    One day parasites and their ilk will be made illegal, I bet a few Lawyers will be pissed off when the day comes.
    Mr. Spitzer is fetching it nearer

    YouTrek

  13. #13
    ABW Ambassador
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    It's not your fault. It was his choice. He could have called you for help.

  14. #14
    Outsourced Program Manager Chris -  AMWSO's Avatar
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    Everyone makes their own choices in life, everyone makes mistakes and bad choices it's a rough when such a choice leads to such an end result, but that was his choice and you put an alternate choice there for him and he declined. Perhaps he'd already decided that this was the road he wanted to take.

    Nothing more anyone could have done. Offering help to someone you barely know is a more generous act than many could make, be content in that you offered that help and everything else was what he decided.

    Cheers

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  15. #15
    Plazan Merchant Neil's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone.
    well its the next day here.
    when i went home last night,
    my wife was saying the exact things you are saying here.
    yes! he did have my number, and he could have called.
    but he choose to drink himself to death.
    I dont feel so bad about it today.
    though it was a shock at first.
    Thanks again for helping me see, it was his choice.
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  16. #16
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neil
    Thanks everyone.
    well its the next day here.
    when i went home last night,
    my wife was saying the exact things you are saying here.
    yes! he did have my number, and he could have called.
    but he choose to drink himself to death.
    I dont feel so bad about it today.
    though it was a shock at first.
    Thanks again for helping me see, it was his choice.
    It had to have been a horrid experience, Neil. You know you did all you could but it's still traumatic. All you can do is send him blessings and try not to dwell on it.
    Peace,

    Rexanne

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  17. #17
    Member Anniegoal's Avatar
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    Dearest Neil,

    A very very sad story. You know, i dont talk about this, but I have suffered for some years with an obsessive guilt disorder. The frustrating thing is, is that I feel guilty for things that could potentially happen, but havent happened yet!! Its very messed up. But somehow your experience has helped me. I do not mean to talk about myself, on the contrary, I just wanted you to know that knowing about your experience has made me realise that its easier to look out that in. I can sit here and know that you in no way affected the end result.

    If anything, you would have made his day and he would have thought of you as a very kind person (which you are). But who knows, maybe he was already planning to just give up, these things happen. No one can know what went on in this guys head, and the only thing you are guilty of is offering your unconditional help. You are the one with the clear conscience my friend. It is the people who saw that this guy may be in trouble and just walked by who are the guilty ones.

    My dad was an alcoholic, and actually he now has alzheimers because of it. It was tough sometimes growing up, and i think part of my obsessive guilt disorder stems from the fact that when my dad would come home drunk, there was nothing i could do to help my mum...

    But thats in the past, and im working on it. I just want to thank you so much for sharing your experience and putting things into perspective for people like me. You are a good person Neil and thats why this has affected you. There was nothing more you could have done. Believe me.

    God bless and

    Annelise

  18. #18
    ABW Ambassador
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    neil, life is what is happening while you are making other plans... life is life...so just take it easy and relax...

  19. #19
    Super Sh!t Stirrer SSanf's Avatar
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    Neil, the reason he had your phone number in his pocket was because it was his connection to one good person he knew. It was his link to humanity.

    He chose his own end, which I think we all have a right to do. Opting out was his choice and it should be respected.

    Your phone number was an affirmation that he still believed that there is some good in us after all. Even though he excercised his right not to call, that phone number meant a great deal to him. You did a good thing when you gave it to him.

    You should not feel guilty for anything but rather simply respect his right to live and die the way he choose even though it might not have been what you would have prefered. His death belonged to him alone. We should all be so lucky.
    Comments are opinion unless otherwise noted. Remember, pillage first. Then burn. Half of all people in the world have IQs under 100. You best learn to trust ol' SSanf!

  20. #20
    Plazan Merchant Neil's Avatar
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    Thanks Sandra.
    i was thinking, if he never had that number.
    how would they find out he was.
    It`s in todays evening paper that they have identified him,
    and that family members have been contaced.
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