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  1. #1
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    Holiday Eating Tips
    If you don't say AMEN at least twice while reading this, you've lost the human touch or you haven't been living in Los Angeles ...long enough or at all. I especially love the analogy about the sports car. :-)

    Holiday Eating Tips


    1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

    2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch.
    You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

    3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

    4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

    5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

    6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
    This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

    7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.
    If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

    8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

    9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

    10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

    Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  2. #2
    ABW Ambassador Mike O's Avatar
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    Or, there's this useful tip:

    "Never eat more than you can lift."
    -- Miss Piggy
    A joy shared is a joy doubled.
    A burden shared is a burden lightened.

  3. #3
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mike O
    Or, there's this useful tip:

    "Never eat more than you can lift."
    -- Miss Piggy
    LOL
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  4. #4
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    Considering this is now more relevant than ever. :-)

    Enjoy those holiday parties everyone!
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  5. #5
    ABW Ambassador Paul_Ward's Avatar
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    Thanks for that Rexanne - I thought it was great when I first saw it, but some bits didn't mean much in the UK, so I made an Anglicized version I've passed on to friends:

    Christmas Eating Tips




    1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving something significantly less healthy.



    2. Drink as much of others people’s exotic alcoholic beverages as you can, especially if it’s someone who normally has to assess the cost when giving you the time of day (extra points if they are related to you). This opportunity will not present itself until next Christmas or when one of their offspring gets married. Besides, they’d do the same to you.



    3. If something comes with sauce of any description, use it in copious quantities. That's the whole point of sauce - pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with sauce. Eat the volcano. Repeat.



    4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skimmed milk or whole milk. If it's skimmed, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic gear box.



    5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.



    6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and a fluorescent cocktail.



    7. If you come across something good at a buffet table that you’ve never had before and are really delicious, position yourself near them and don't move. Have as many as you can before becoming the centre of attention. They're like those fantastic bargains in the sales - if you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.



    8. Same for cakes and mince pies, try everything. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two pieces of Christmas cake, especially if there’s a lot of marzipan, if you don’t like marzipan, then take it home as wrapped in a serviette for the dogs – dogs are the greatest connoisseurs of calorie-laden food in the known universe.



    9. If there’s that Stollen stuff, Panetone or other continental offering that sounds like an item of clothing, you can have as much as you like as no-one else will touch it – and it was probably really expensive so it counts double.



    10. One final tip: If you don't need some larger items of clothing when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't done it properly.

  6. #6
    Newbie Sam I Am's Avatar
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    Great eating tips Rexanne, but I don't understand the holiday reference.....


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