Results 1 to 13 of 13
  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    December 18th, 2005
    Location
    where i sleep
    Posts
    61
    Talking my last jokes because i quit this forum
    A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

    "Very good," said her mother.

    "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

    "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

    The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, b, c, d, e, f, g!"

    "Very good," said her mother.

    "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

    "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

    The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

    "Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

    "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

    "No, Honey, it's because you're 25."

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation.
    When one flea gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking. The other flea
    asked him, "Why are you shaking so badly?"

    The first flea says, "I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of
    a guy on a Harley."

    The other flea says, "That's the worst way to travel. Do what I do. Go to
    the New Jersey airport bar. Have a few drinks. While there, look for a
    nice stewardess, crawl up her leg and nestle in where it's warm and cozy.

    It's the best way to travel that I can think of."

    The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next
    winter.

    A year goes by ... When the first flea shows up in Miami he is shivering
    and shaking again. The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?"
    Yes," says the first flea. "I did exactly what you said. I went to the New
    Jersey airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young
    stewardess came in. I crawled right up to her warm cozy spot. It was so
    nice and warm that I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was back in the moustache of a guy on a Harley."
    ________________________________________________________________

    An Indian from Regina,Canada found himself in Vancouver and decided to approach a
    prostitute on East Hastings.
    He asked her,"How much do you charge for the hour?" "$100,"she replied.
    "Do you do Indian-style?" he asked.
    Not knowing exactly what this was, she refused.
    He tried to sweeten the deal andsaid, "I'll pay you $300 to do it
    Indian-style".
    Again she declined. Being the persistent type, he laid down a final offer,
    "I'll give you $500 to go Indian-style with me! What do you say?"
    Finally, she agrees--thinking, "Well I've been in the game for over 10
    years now.
    I've been there and done that, and had every kind of request from weirdo's
    from all over the world.
    How kinky could Indian-style be?"
    After an hour of every possible way and position, she turned to him and said.
    "That was fantastic, but I was expecting something perverted and disgusting.
    Where does the 'Indian-style' come in?"
    The Indian opened a can of beer and replied:
    "I'll pay you next Wednesday when I get my cheque".

    ________________________________________________________________

    A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
    She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
    She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
    The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
    The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.
    The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

    _________________________________________________________________


    Divorced Barbie

    A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll.

    She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn't know what's available or price.

    The clerk replies "We have Tennis Barbie and she's $28"

    Lady asks "Well, anything else?"

    "We have an equestrian Barbie, and she's $28".

    Lady asks "Anything else?"

    "Well, we have divorced Barbie and she's $250"

    The lady replies "I don't understand why divorced Barbie is so expensive. The others were only $28. What is so special about divorced Barbie?"

    The clerk replied "Simple, she comes with Ken's car, his house, and all his other stuff."

    ________________________________________________________________

    Two parents take their son on a vacation to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach, and the son goes and plays in the water.

    The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with breasts a lot bigger than yours!"

    The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."

    So he goes back to play.

    Minutes later, he runs back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with penises a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

    The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."

    So he goes back to play.

    Several minutes later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more they talked, the dumber he got!"

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. The elderly matron sitting at the counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke of the young woman beside her.

    Finally the older woman could take it no longer. She turned to the girl and bellowed with a loud voice "Young lady, I would rather commit adultery than smoke!"

    "So would I," quipped the girl, "but you know, there just isn't enough time during a coffee break."

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Ok it the end of the road, i quit this forum: 1st time when i found this forum in a google search i was so happy finally a place where i can find affiliates to share idea and experiences and day after day i found this forum special coz of pple here they are really like a family this is the first forum when u feel that u are between friends and "real pple" not like others that u post and u reply and u feel like u use a machine program, but when i open my page and because of a joke i have my search bottom desactivated, and i can't access to the new posts so if i need an information i must read all stuffs. I emailed the "admin" and he "ignore me" maybe because am newbie or am nothing or donno what he have in his mind but ok i dont care now bcause i quit this forum. but before that this is my last post "jokes"
    PS: most of the time i post jokes because am newbie and i have to accomplish the 50 posts, and because am newbie i dont know what to post to be able to contact other members, send them mess, see their profiles to have an idea about their sites and in the same time i had a hope that i can have the "search botton activated" or to have access to new posts to be updated with the last news about what happen but nothing change and am not in mood to begin another account and begin the loong 50 posts ways.

    _________________________________________________________________

  2. #2
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    12,360
    LOL LOL - good ones, Lockman. I have no idea about the reason you're leaving and I won't comment, just WILL say sorry to see you go and I'll miss the daily chuckles you've brought. Thanks for the smiles and LOL!
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    December 18th, 2005
    Location
    where i sleep
    Posts
    61
    Quote Originally Posted by Rexanne
    Lockman. I have no idea about the reason you're leaving and I won't comment,
    i cant access to the "new posts" part in this forum because i dont have the "permission"
    and the admin desactive my "search botton" so to know something i must read everything and i eamiled Haiko and he "ignore" me and the problem still the same so how can i be in forum that i can't have information in ???!!!! and as i said i dont want to make a new account and beging the new long boring first 50 posts

  4. #4
    ABW Ambassador buy_online's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Richmond, VA
    Posts
    3,234
    Looks like 50 posts to me?

  5. #5
    Defender of Truth, Justice and the Affiliate Way
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    The Swamp
    Posts
    7,503
    I think the funniest joke out of all of those is the one about just posting a bunch of jokes to get to a post count so someone can contact members to send them mess and view their profiles to see their sites.

    BTW, you aren't supposed to post the number of posts required to gain access to pm and sig privs. It can lead to an onslaught of frivolous posts. And the number is no longer 50.

  6. #6
    ABW Founder Haiko de Poel, Jr.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    21,609
    I ignored you? Applefreakinsauce!

    Artificially inflated post counts yield zero results here, this isn't a joke forum, it'remember that next time your trying to get out from under.

    There are rules in place on purpose, and I will not change them for you, Mr Blue or the damn man in the moon. Don't let the door hit ya.
    Continued Success,

    Haiko
    The secret of success is constancy of purpose ~ Disraeli

  7. #7
    ABW Ambassador Ron Bechdolt's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Affiliateville, USA
    Posts
    7,927
    I think I recall a recent post warning folks not to speculate as the the number or quantity of posts. I may be wrong, but think I saw it posted in the last couple of weeks.

    Besides, posts should not be to get to some numerical goal. They should be to ask pertinent questions or post information that might be helpful to others. The jokes were a nice deversion, but not really appropriate to get higher posting numbers.

    Don't leave...stick around and in time the right questions and post will be at your fingertips and you'll be rewarded in more ways than you can imagine.
    Ron Bechdolt | Affiliate Program Management Consultant
    7 Days A Week Marketing

  8. #8
    http and a telephoto
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    17,708
    Quote Originally Posted by 7-days
    I think I recall a recent post warning folks not to speculate as the the number or quantity of posts. I may be wrong, but think I saw it posted in the last couple of weeks.

    Besides, posts should not be to get to some numerical goal. They should be to ask pertinent questions or post information that might be helpful to others. The jokes were a nice deversion, but not really appropriate to get higher posting numbers.

    Don't leave...stick around and in time the right questions and post will be at your fingertips and you'll be rewarded in more ways than you can imagine.
    yup Ask, read and learn. And I did wonder about just jokes being posted by lockman. Loclman, you have been chatty in chat, if you had been as active out here you would have reall posts to your credit and have the appropriate permissions.

    Sorry to see you go, but it takes more that posting to learn here, I was taught that looooooooong ago. Start reading and synthesizing.
    Deborah Carney
    TeamLoxly.com BookGoodies.com ABCsPlus.com

  9. #9
    ABW Founder Haiko de Poel, Jr.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    21,609
    One of the few non joke threads ...

    http://forum.abestweb.com/showpost.php?p=518635

    I think that explains it all.
    Continued Success,

    Haiko
    The secret of success is constancy of purpose ~ Disraeli

  10. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    December 18th, 2005
    Location
    where i sleep
    Posts
    61
    Quote Originally Posted by Haiko de Poel, Jr.
    I ignored you? Applefreakinsauce!

    Artificially inflated post counts yield zero results here, this isn't a joke forum, it'remember that next time your trying to get out from under.

    There are rules in place on purpose, and I will not change them for you, Mr Blue or the damn man in the moon. Don't let the door hit ya.
    yes Mr Haiko i send you twice you are the admin and there is an admin contact in this forum so I send and I told you that how i can navigate this forum without i can do a search.
    other thing about posts: how can i post in a program and i dont know what is it i must read about it coz am newwwwwwbie, ok to post in data feed my question and this question dont must be asked twice i must do a search before and the "search botton" is desactivated so how i can search, to read all !!!??? a hard work, to post and another ask the same question is bad.
    I have made about 350 sites before and we try to make a huge one now that's why i want to contact some members in privit, to send them some scripts, ask for advices I think I cant post my scripts in public

  11. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    December 18th, 2005
    Location
    where i sleep
    Posts
    61
    Quote Originally Posted by 7-days
    Don't leave...stick around and in time the right questions and post will be at your fingertips and you'll be rewarded in more ways than you can imagine.
    Ok suppose that i will saty and the admin dont want to give me the ordinary user privilage as for exemple the possibility to do a search or to recieve or send personnel mess there will be two cases
    i ask the same questions that some others asked and sure i will be banned
    or i ask another that for exemple i wan write a new post "Hi Mme lox my email is **** can u please post your email because i need an advice or i try the beta of my site online and BTW can u please do a search for me and send me the links and please can u ask XXX to send me his email and some of his posted coz he talk most of the time about somethings i really need help

  12. #12
    ABW Ambassador
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    4,053
    possibility to do a search
    Very easy, just use Google for searching, which can be done specifically for any site. Every webmaster needs to know how to use search engines anyway, so it's good practice in honing search skills.

    BTW can u please do a search for me and send me the links and please can u ask XXX to send me his email and some of his posted coz he talk most of the time about somethings i really need help
    As already stated, you can do your own searching (at Google) - but maybe the whole idea behind forums hasn't 100% gotten across.

    Forums are interactive and public, with discussions that are out in the open so that everyone can participate and learn. Asking specific people for specific advice on personal sites one-on-one (even by email) is either done between people who know each other for a while (and trust), or else it's called "CONSULTING" which is a service some people perform for a fee.

    Being a member at a forum is for participating in public discussions, that's what it's about.

  13. #13
    http and a telephoto
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    17,708
    lockman, everyone follows the same rules and we use the forum instead of individual email because most of the answers to your questions will be found here. Most of us are willing to help when we can but cannot dedicate time to individuals until we get to know them and know that they have already tried to get educated.

    As pointed out, if you can't use the forum search, you can ahve google do a site search Be creative, be smart, be an affiliate
    Deborah Carney
    TeamLoxly.com BookGoodies.com ABCsPlus.com

  14. Newsletter Signup

+ Reply to Thread

Similar Threads

  1. 4 jokes
    By faverr in forum Virtual Family and Off-Topic
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: May 31st, 2006, 07:58 AM
  2. Two Jokes
    By Dasha in forum Virtual Family and Off-Topic
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: May 4th, 2005, 06:54 AM
  3. 2 jokes in 1
    By Gordon in forum Virtual Family and Off-Topic
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: August 18th, 2004, 06:22 PM
  4. Tell me some jokes please.
    By Dirk Gardner in forum Midnight Cafe'
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: September 10th, 2003, 01:22 PM
  5. Jokes Anyone???
    By Packy in forum Daily Chuckle
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: November 16th, 2001, 03:36 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •