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  1. #1
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    Where to Retire?
    When we hit retirement age we come face to
    face with the fact that it may be time to relocate.
    The big question is: where to? Here are some tips.


    You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....
    1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. :-)
    2. You can open and drive your car without touching the car door or
    the steering wheel.
    3. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in
    the toilet bowl.
    4. You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your
    face.
    5. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
    6. "Dress Code" is meaningless at high schools and universities.
    Picture lingerie ads.
    7. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
    8. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
    9. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING
    ME??!!
    10. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the
    face when you open your oven door.


    You can Live in California where...
    1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
    2 The high school quarterback calls a time out to answer his cell
    phone.
    3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
    4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
    5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
    6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long
    it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

    You can Live in New York City where...
    1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
    2.. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State
    Building.
    3. You can get into a four hour argument about how to get from
    Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
    4 You think Central Park is "nature,"
    5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own
    language makes you multi-lingual.
    6. You've worn out a car horn.
    7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

    You can Live in Maine where...
    1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
    2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
    3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
    4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
    5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
    construction.

    You can Live in the Deep South where...
    1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
    2."y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
    3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from ' round here, are
    Ya?"
    4 "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
    5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty
    Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

    You can live in Colorado where...
    1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
    2... You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he
    stops at the day care center.
    3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
    4... The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

    You can live in the Midwest where...
    1. You've never meet any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
    2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
    3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
    4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
    5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
    different!"

    AND You can live in Florida where...
    1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
    2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
    3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
    4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
    5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  2. #2
    ABW Ambassador AddHandler's Avatar
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    January 19th, 2005
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    Love this one...

    ----
    You can Live in the Deep South where...
    1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
    2."y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
    3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from ' round here, are
    Ya?"
    4 "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
    5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty
    Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
    ---------

    After moving to Arkansas.. I can say that any of those examples is totally TRUE..

    and I just learnt this the other day:
    "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.....

    I always thought that y'all meant everyone..
    LMAO...

  3. #3
    ABW Veteran Mr. Sal's Avatar
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    4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
    5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
    Now we know that you had visited Florida recently!



    BTW, if you read the news lately, when they try to park their cars, many of those headless people driving in Florida, some how they step on the gas pedal instead of the brakes, and wind up inside the stores while still wearing their seat belt.

    ...

  4. #4
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
    I decide when the pigs fly!
    Rhea's Avatar
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    Excellent!

    Add to Florida:

    - You can get heat stroke just walking across a parking lot.
    - Everyone carries bottled water in their car during summer months.
    - The four seasons are named: delightful, wildfire, sweltering and hurricane.
    - Half your neighborhood packs up and leaves every April.
    - Even though they call it tourist season you can't legally shoot the bastards.

  5. #5
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rhea
    Excellent!

    Add to Florida:

    - You can get heat stroke just walking across a parking lot.
    - Everyone carries bottled water in their car during summer months.
    - The four seasons are named: delightful, wildfire, sweltering and hurricane.
    - Half your neighborhood packs up and leaves every April.
    - Even though they call it tourist season you can't legally shoot the bastards.
    LOL - these are good. :-)
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  6. #6
    Canadienne extraordinaire Susan's Avatar
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    LMAO....oh man...this puts Packy and my contest to shame...lol....

    Good food for thought since I've been thinking of retirement lately :-)
    Susan Arts
    Senior Vice President, Marketing
    Moxy Media

  7. #7
    ABW Ambassador
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    California
    When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long
    it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
    That is so true! I have no idea how many miles away it is, but I do know that the East Valley is about 20 minutes away from here on the 101 freeway and that downtown is about an hour away unless traffic is very heavy.

  8. #8
    Resident Genius and Staunch Capitalist Leader's Avatar
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    Florida: The four seasons are named: delightful, wildfire, sweltering and hurricane.
    I'll take that over "winter, still winter, almost winter, and
    construction." any day!

    MI is a combination of "Maine" and the "Midwest" all rolled into one. Except for the moose recipes, that is.
    Oh, and April would be WAY too soon to come back here!
    There is no knowledge that is not power. ~Hemingway

  9. #9
    ABW Ambassador mailman's Avatar
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    You could retire here in Calgary! Our local weather report- wait 5 minutes.
    It could be -5 and within 5 minutes +5. Todays forecast -possible light snow or light rain. You don't know if you should dig out the long johns or find your rain coat.
    Frozen rain = light snow !

  10. #10
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mailman
    You could retire here in Calgary! Our local weather report- wait 5 minutes.
    It could be -5 and within 5 minutes +5. Todays forecast -possible light snow or light rain. You don't know if you should dig out the long johns or find your rain coat.
    Frozen rain = light snow !
    Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  11. #11
    ABW Ambassador
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    greece or cyprus (btw where is Neil hunging around?)

  12. #12
    pph Expert! Gordon's Avatar
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    Don't go to Calgary come to Edmonton at least you would know you need to wear your thermals ALL winter. LOL
    One day parasites and their ilk will be made illegal, I bet a few Lawyers will be pissed off when the day comes.
    Mr. Spitzer is fetching it nearer

    YouTrek

  13. #13
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
    I decide when the pigs fly!
    Rhea's Avatar
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    The four seasons in Maine (and this applies to all of the northernmost areas in the Northeast) should be:

    Winter, Black Fly Season, Deer Fly Season and Woodcutting Season

    alternatively:

    Winter, Black Fly Season, Deer Fly Season and Hunting Season

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