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  1. #1
    Full Member Travelin Man's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    Think before you speak!
    Think before you speak!
    Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
    the last one is great!
    Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
    immediately take the words back...
    or that you could crawl into a hole?
    Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

    FIRST TESTIMONY:

    I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in
    tow and asked loudly,
    "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
    I turned around and walked back out and never went back
    My husband didn't say a word...
    he knew better.


    SECOND TESTIMONY:

    I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf
    balls.
    I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
    After browsing for several minutes,
    I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
    who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
    Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
    "I think I like playing with men's balls."


    THIRD TESTIMONY:

    My sister and I were at the mall and
    passed by a store that sold a
    variety of candy and nuts.
    As we were looking at the display case,
    the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
    I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
    My sister started to laugh hysterically.
    The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
    To this day,
    my sister has never let me forget.


    FOURTH TESTIMONY:

    While in line at the bank one afternoon,
    my toddler decided to release
    some pent-up energy and ran amok.
    I was finally able to grab hold of
    her after receiving looks of disgust
    and annoyance from other patrons.
    I told her that if she did not start behaving
    "right now" she would be punished.
    To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a
    voice just as threatening,
    "If you don't let me go right now,
    I will tell Grandma that I saw you
    kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
    The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
    Even the tellers stopped
    what they were doing.
    I mustered up the last of my dignity and
    walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
    The last thing I heard when
    the door closed behind me,
    were screams of laughter.


    FIFTH TESTIMONY:

    Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
    My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty
    training and I was on him constantly.
    One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
    in between errands.
    It was very busy, with a full dining room.
    While enjoying my taco,
    I smelled something funny,
    so of course I checked
    my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
    The realized that Danny
    had not asked to go potty in a while.
    I asked him if he needed to go,
    and he said "No".
    I kept thinking
    "Oh Lord, that child has had an
    accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
    Then I said,
    "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
    "No," he replied.
    I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
    because the smell was getting worse.
    Soooooo, I asked one more time,
    "Danny, did you have an accident?"
    This time he jumped up,
    yanked down his pants,
    bent over,
    spread his cheeks
    and yelled
    "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
    While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
    he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
    An old couple made me feel better,
    thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

    LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

    This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
    and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
    in the future, likely think before she speaks.
    What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
    We had a female news anchor that,
    the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
    turned to the weatherman and asked:
    "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
    Not only did HE have to leave the set,
    but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
    Travelin' Man

    "If you don't know where you are going, any road will lead you there." -- unknown

  2. #2
    Plazan Merchant Neil's Avatar
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    February 25th, 2005
    Location
    cyprus
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    1,764
    True story

    I was stood at a reception desk in a hotel in Cyprus.
    This young guy about 25 walked in [tourist], he had a false
    leg from the knee down on one leg.
    so he was walking with i slight limp.
    Where the false leg was attached around his knee he had
    a bandage, to cover the joint as he was wearing shorts.
    The receptionist , who must have been blind.
    looked down at his leg and commented.
    That looks quite bad ,, did you do it here ???.

    well he started to laugh, which i am glad he did first.
    because i was only seconds behind.

    then me and the young guy proceeded to make fun of the girl.

    it started off with
    OH YES !! .. I went para-gliding this morning and oops... my leg fell off.

    I was sat by the pool , this beach ball came bouncing across, hit me on the knee... and OOPSS MY LEG JUST FELL OFF..

    by the time we were finished the girl was so red.
    talk about putting your foot in it
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  3. #3
    Affiliate Network Rep Annabelle's Avatar
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    Lol. Funny stuff! Awkward though!

    I was standing in a Cafe once in Banff and saw this guy struggling to open the door - and I went to open it saying "Here, let me give you a hand"... only to look afterwards and see that he actually didn't have a hand.
    [FONT=Verdana]Annabelle
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  4. #4
    Canadienne extraordinaire Susan's Avatar
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    August 11th, 2005
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    Guelph, Ontario
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    Travelin Man....those are hilarious!

    I've got a few of my own Neil...but they involve me...and I'm still embarrassed about them!
    Susan Arts
    Senior Vice President, Marketing
    Moxy Media

  5. #5
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    Mansfield, TX
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    One of our favorite magazines, Parents, has two pages in every issue with short little stories about embarassing things kids have said or done.
    Michael Coley
    Amazing-Bargains.com
     Affiliate Tips | Merchant Best Practices | Affiliate Friendly? | Couponing | CPA Networks? | ABW Tips | Activating Affiliates
    "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." Nelson Mandela

  6. #6
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
    I decide when the pigs fly!
    Rhea's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    New York, USA
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    I was at the beach with my marine biology class and the professor was discussing tidal oscillations. He mentioned that between an incoming tide and an outgoing tide there is a hang time.

    "Oh," I asked, "how long does it hang?"

    (Picture a dozen students and a professor collapsing in hysterics. Picture me blushing so hard I thought my face would melt.)

  7. #7
    Full Member Travelin Man's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    Thanks all for sharing. I love hearing these kind of slip-ups....most of us have done it at one time or another. Fun stuff. I look forward to seeing more.
    Travelin' Man

    "If you don't know where you are going, any road will lead you there." -- unknown

  8. #8
    Canadienne extraordinaire Susan's Avatar
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    K, time for me to share:

    Out of the mouths of babes - my son Elliot when he was about 5 years old, for some reason or another, while we're on the train from Toronto to Montreal (visiting my folks) decides to stand up in his seat and shout at the top of his lungs "I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA, I HAVE A PENIS" and then sits down again.

    I swear, that train went from a buzz of conversation to dead silent and I slid down off my seat and curled up at the base, tears running down my cheeks trying NOT to pee my pants from embarrassment....
    Last edited by Susan_ShareResults; January 26th, 2006 at 09:23 PM. Reason: thought adding Elliot's age would provide better context!
    Susan Arts
    Senior Vice President, Marketing
    Moxy Media

  9. #9
    Affiliate Manager harrymond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Susan_ShareResults
    K, time for me to share:

    Out of the mouths of babes - my son Elliot when he was about 5 years old, for some reason or another, while we're on the train from Toronto to Montreal (visiting my folks) decides to stand up in his seat and shout at the top of his lungs "I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA, I HAVE A PENIS" and then sits down again.

    I swear, that train went from a buzz of conversation to dead silent and I slid down off my seat and curled up at the base, tears running down my cheeks trying NOT to pee my pants from embarrassment....
    LOL...Susan now you have a public speaker at home...
    Cheers,

    Harry.
    Mondera Affiliate Manager
    http://www.mondera.com/affiliate_support/
    Winner of the LinkShare 2004 Golden Link Awards "Affiliate's Choice Award"
    Winner of the 2002 Abestweb.com "Best Affiliate Program Award"

  10. #10
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
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    Quote Originally Posted by Susan_ShareResults
    K, time for me to share:

    Out of the mouths of babes - my son Elliot when he was about 5 years old, for some reason or another, while we're on the train from Toronto to Montreal (visiting my folks) decides to stand up in his seat and shout at the top of his lungs "I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA, I HAVE A PENIS" and then sits down again.

    I swear, that train went from a buzz of conversation to dead silent and I slid down off my seat and curled up at the base, tears running down my cheeks trying NOT to pee my pants from embarrassment....
    Too funny. I love kids. They just come right out and spill what's uppermost on their minds.
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  11. #11
    Canadienne extraordinaire Susan's Avatar
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    Well, even though both of my kids have a tendency to speak their minds, I wouldn't have it ANY other way :-)

    However, I do believe this is a genetic pre-disposition since my Dad is the World Champion of putting his FOOT in his mouth!
    Susan Arts
    Senior Vice President, Marketing
    Moxy Media

  12. #12
    ABW Ambassador CDC's Avatar
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    The wife of a friend of mine was out at Pike Place Market in Seattle with her 5 year old. She walked into one of the "unusual" shops in the market and was browsing the merchandise when her son, pointing at a bong in the display case, yells "I know what that is, you put dirt in that and blow into it".

    CDC
    I can't complain but sometimes I still do...

  13. #13
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CDC
    The wife of a friend of mine was out at Pike Place Market in Seattle with her 5 year old. She walked into one of the "unusual" shops in the market and was browsing the merchandise when her son, pointing at a bong in the display case, yells "I know what that is, you put dirt in that and blow into it".

    CDC
    LOL LOL LOL

    Although it pains me to imagine anything reasonably smokable looking like "dirt!"
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  14. #14
    ABW Ambassador JJJay's Avatar
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    Any Foxnews fans here? I laughed my ass off at the following video...

    http://www.razoric.com/games/Fox-News-Lopez-Blowjob

  15. #15
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JJJay
    Any Foxnews fans here? I laughed my ass off at the following video...

    http://www.razoric.com/games/Fox-News-Lopez-Blowjob
    LOL LOL LOL - too funny!
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  16. #16
    ABW Ambassador CDC's Avatar
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    "Although it pains me to imagine anything reasonably smokable looking like "dirt!"

    Too True

    CDC
    I can't complain but sometimes I still do...

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