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  1. #1
    More Cheesier Than Ever Cheesehead's Avatar
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    How To Light a Cigarette
    3 men were in a boat in the middle of an ocean. They had 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them up with. What should they do? (SCROLL DOWN)































    Throw 1 cigarette over the side. This will make the boat a cigarette lighter!
    This World is Not My Home
    We're gonna go inside, we're gonna go outside, inside and outside. . . And then we're gonna go go go and we're not gonna stop til we get across that goalline! Quotes from the movie Rudy, 1993

  2. #2
    Tax Paying Member
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    Lighter??
    Is that Swiss Cheese???????

  3. #3
    More Cheesier Than Ever Cheesehead's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Witzer
    Is that Swiss Cheese???????
    Yes, if you are speaking of my avatar, only swiss has holes within it.
    This World is Not My Home
    We're gonna go inside, we're gonna go outside, inside and outside. . . And then we're gonna go go go and we're not gonna stop til we get across that goalline! Quotes from the movie Rudy, 1993

  4. #4
    Tax Paying Member
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    Holes
    I was thinking in terms of holes to make it lighter...............light headed???

    Get it????

    My one attempt to be humurous and I fail..................What is that to do to my selfesteem??

  5. #5
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheesehead
    3 men were in a boat in the middle of an ocean. They had 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them up with. What should they do? (SCROLL DOWN)








    Throw 1 cigarette over the side. This will make the boat a cigarette lighter!
    HAHA - cute but not "funny" to a smoker.
    Peace,

    Rexanne

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    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  6. #6
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Witzer
    I was thinking in terms of holes to make it lighter...............light headed???

    Get it????

    My one attempt to be humurous and I fail..................What is that to do to my selfesteem??
    Witzer, you were just way over everyone's head with that one. Keep trying. One day, someone will "get it" and you'll be a hero of cleverness.
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  7. #7
    Moderator BurgerBoy's Avatar
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    Talking

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  8. #8
    Internet Cowboy
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    Great post MarkTwain, I am sure you will be a valuable member here.

  9. #9
    affiliate emeritus missdonna's Avatar
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    Mark went to all the trouble of signing up just to make this stupid spam. Bye Mark!
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  10. #10
    Analytics Dude Kevin's Avatar
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    Not only that, but what a waste of a good user name.
    Kevin Webster
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  11. #11
    Resident Genius and Staunch Capitalist Leader's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rexanne
    HAHA - cute but not "funny" to a smoker.
    Yeah, it's kind of funny but also has me reaching protectively for my cigs and my Bic!

  12. #12
    Affiliate Manager Alan Hamilton's Avatar
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    This is an interesting question, and one that deserves a logical answer - hence "Enter" the answer man!!

    I was reading a popular mechanics article several years ago that addressed this very issue.... It was also covered in an ocean survival class for smokers that I took back in the 80's. (I graduated Summa Cum Laude of course!)

    Assuming the boat is motorized, you can place a glove, or rubberized rain coat (which all fishermen carry) over your hand, and remove a spark plug from one of the motors cylinders. Next, with the spark plug wire still attached to the plug, start the boat. The spark that jump from the base of the plug to the igniter is approximately 800 - 1,200 degrees, depending of course on the type of engine, whether it is air or water cooled, two cycle of four etc. (as we all know)

    By holding the cigarette against the base of the plug and sucking hard (all of us fishermen are big suckers) you can easily light the cigarette.

    Yet another alternative is the battery that powers the outboard or the trolling motor.

    Attach a thin gage wire to each battery terminal. Then, while crossing the wires, place the tip of the cigarette on the junction point where the two wires meet. The wires will get RED hot in a matter of a few seconds and Voila!!! Your lil buddy is lit.

    I have personally used this method on many occasions and it works great. The thin gage wires insure that no damage is done to the battery, and the thin wires get hot real quick.

    The ONE downer to this approach though is my wife Ellen........

    She keeps complaining everytime I have her hook the wires up so I can light one. Keeps complaining about burning her fingers - then we have to have the same old talk - over and over again about how it would be nice if she "thought about someone other than herself" every once in a while... Other than her disfigured hands though - she's still a beautiful girl!

    Alan
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  13. #13
    ABW Veteran Mr. Sal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noth
    Not only that, but what a waste of a good user name.


    I'm sorry Kevin,

    But how can MarkTwain be a good user name if:

    MarkTwain
    1. United States writer and humorist best known for his novels about Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn (1835-1910)
    The real MarkTwain, died on 1910?
    ...

  14. #14
    Full Member Crocket's Avatar
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    ROF Alan

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