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  1. #1
    ABW Ambassador Sheri's Avatar
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    International Rules of Manhood
    Ok, so I'm not a guy, but someone sent me these and they made me chuckle so I'm going to pass them on.


    International Rules of Manhood


    1 Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella


    2 It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
    a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    c. After wrecking your boss' car.
    d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
    e. When she is using her teeth


    3 Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.


    4 Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.


    5 If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.


    6 Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.


    7 No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.


    8 On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.


    9 When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.


    10 You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.


    11 It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ... and it's free.


    12 Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.


    13 Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.


    14 Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.


    15 If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.


    16 Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.


    17 A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.


    18 Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.


    19 If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.


    20 Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.


    21 Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a. Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c. Another set and we can hit the showers!


    22 Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.


    23 Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.


    24 The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.


    25 It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.


    26 Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.


    27 The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.


    28 There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever

  2. #2
    Affiliate Network Rep Annabelle's Avatar
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    Very funny and, from what I have observed, not altogether untrue.



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  3. #3
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    Good ones Sheri!
    Peace,

    Rexanne

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  4. #4
    Affiliate Network Rep JAmieF's Avatar
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    8 On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

    8a. The person with the best flatulent movements will decide when a window should be wound up or down!
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  5. #5
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    "It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:"

    I cry at the end of Field of Dreams and when I burn pizza.

  6. #6
    Affiliate Network Rep JAmieF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TrustNo1
    "It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:"

    I cry at the end of Field of Dreams and when I burn pizza.

    Build and he will come! Have not seen that movie in years.

    Do you cry when you spill your beer?
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  7. #7
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
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    One of the things that has most fascinated me about men is their ability to have 30 second telephone conversations during which, at no time, any word with more than two syllables is uttered. Sentences should be limited to five words at most.

    No man should ever ask, "How are you doing?" unless the other guy is:

    a. Waiting for an organ transplant.
    b. Was stood up at the altar.
    c. Is out of beer.

    However, "You okay?" is acceptable under a wider range of circumstances, for example the other guy:

    a. Was kicked in the nether regions.
    b. Got thrown from a bull.
    c. Is almost out of beer.

  8. #8
    Affiliate Manager inflatemouse's Avatar
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    Those are great addons Rhea.
    It is also okay to ask how another man is okay after he eats a habenero pepper or if he is bleeding -- and in both cases it is okay to laugh a little bit.

  9. #9
    ABW Veteran Mr. Sal's Avatar
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    17 A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
    Wrong!

    When a man is in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman, that women is not his wife or girlfriend, so there is no real need to be sober, or to fight.









    ...

  10. #10
    I like traffic lights
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    Men use umbrellas?

  11. #11
    Affiliate Manager inflatemouse's Avatar
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    they are called hats

  12. #12
    ABW Ambassador Sheri's Avatar
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    That is hilarious. I've never thought about it before, but now that you mention it, in the almost 5 years that we've been together, I've never seen my husband use an umbrella. And we live in Kansas where the weather can be nasty at times. Expecting a good old fashioned rain/ice storm tonight.

    Those rules made me laugh, but your add ons are making me laugh harder.

    The one about bailing a friend out of jail reminded me of the old saying, "a good friend will bail you out of jail, your best friend will be sitting next you saying, "that was F-in awesome!"

    Sheri

  13. #13
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
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    Rhea's Avatar
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    Here's another one that just occurred to me.

    No man shall ever refer to another man as his "best friend."

    Acceptable terms of mano a mano endearment include:

    1. My college roommate.
    2. My posse.
    3. My buddy/pal/sidekick.
    4. Just some guy.

  14. #14
    Resident Genius and Staunch Capitalist Leader's Avatar
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    27 The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
    LOL

    An Xbox, specifically, wouldn't be on my list but hey--any game deck newer than the PS is acceptable! But if he didn't want to become an "XBox widower" he'd have to think of something else...

    (BTW guys aren't the only ones who buy gifts like that, when getting nonanswers to that question )
    There is no knowledge that is not power. ~Hemingway

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