How To Install A Poor Man's Security System:

Go to a second hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog dish.

Leave a note on your front door that says something like; "Bubba, big Mike and I have gone to get more ammo - back in half an hour. Don't disturb the Pitbulls, they've just been wormed."